Widows & Widowers Support Group

I think it's not for us to say. To me, if I choose to believe or need to believe that God took my love for a reason, (and I do,) then logic tells me I am still here for a reason. Yes, I believe that we belong together, but I don't think God means for us to know when that time to be reunited will be.

My dad's parents died of natural causes, 2 weeks apart. My husband's parents died 30 days apart, also of natural causes. On the other hand, my mother was widowed at 68, and lived 7 more years ~ ~ my other grandmother was widowed at 65, remarried at 70(-ish?) and died when she was 79.

What I'm saying is, of these particular 4 couples that I think were truly soul mates, God's plan for each of them was unique to them. I think that's also true for those of us who are now struggling to come to terms with losing the one we loved so dearly.

I just feel like if we cannot understand the reasoning of God taking the loves of our lives when He did and we are left to wonder why then how could we possibly know that we SHOULD be with them after a certain amount of time. These things are beyond our understanding and so we are left to struggle to find a way to heal our broken hearts and lives and move on until it is our appointed time to rejoin our soulmates. I know how much you miss your one and only and wish to be with him again but unfortunately none of know when our numbered day is. I'm sure that if given the choice most, if not all of us, would choose that time to be as soon as possible. I can hear your pain in what you write and your longing to be with him again. I wish there was a simpler answer but I don't think there is. Hope this helps - Judi

I agree with Judi and jd. I wish we could understand but we don't until it is our time to be reunited. I also wish I could be with my husband right now. I'm lost without him, but it is God's plan. We shouldn't really question only answer and accept. I'm trying really hard to do that (not doing very well) but at least I'm trying. Really shouldn't be replying with the mood I;m in but I know that God has a plan for all of us.

You're looking for a justification for suicide, right? You are hoping that someone here - some person of faith - will tell you that God would be okay with that idea, and that Tom would be saying 'good job, James, what kept you?' And somehow taking your own life will give no pain to any of your students, colleagues, family, friends, because you and Tom were 'soulmates.' If so much as one person on this planet would grieve your loss, do you think you are justified in inflicting that on someone - anyone? Maybe you should talk to some of the people here who are grieving for someone they cared about who suicided if you want to know the real meaning of what you're suggesting. I believe that the soul is eternal and not bounded by space and time - how do you think those visits from him were possible? So why the big hurry? And how did you come up with an arbitrary 2 years? When you and he are reunited, the passing of your time here will seem as the blink of an eye - what's an eternity together compared with a few years? Do you think it would honor him to take your life? I don't, and somehow I think deep down inside you know it wouldn't too. How can a death, a self-murder, honor someone who loved life as much as he did? You are trying to find a purpose for why you are still here - you will not find one unless you get out and look for one. The 'why am I still here' question - only you can find the answer to that - just as each of us struggles with that question - and yes, we ALL struggle with that one. The answer I think is one you'll know only when you're farther down the road on this journey. I'm sorry the journey is such a painful one, but no, suicide is not the answer.

Thank you so much for your responses!

In general, I agree that the decision to when we will reunite with our soulmate is not ours, but based on our own journey until our time arrives.

Concerning suicide, when I had this idea of reuniting soon, I wasn't necessarily thinking of suicide, but hoping for some afterlife axiom that within a short amount of time we would be with our loves.

J - - I think that's a wish we have all had or have at some point. Or I guess I should say at several points in this difficult journey of grief. Especially at those low times when life seems so NOT worth living without the one we need and love so much. Over and over, in different journals, I've read some version of "Jesus, take me soon. All I want is to be with him /her."

Saying a prayer for all of us to find our new purpose and direction, whatever that may be.

I'm still struggling with the concept of "a plan" with regard to Jeff's death...and of the concept that he's in "a better place"...I believe that the best place and the place he would prefer to be would be here. (I guess I'm still in the anger or denial stage) I still feel it was some terrible mistake...I'm not better, I have learned no lesson - that I can see...and have not accepted the obscene loss. I guess that doesn't address your question directly, but it does touch on some of the other comments - I do so wish I could find the faith that some of you seem to have...Susan

I never heard of that. If it were the "thing to do", the obits would take up a whole lot more space than they do.

I loved (& love) my husband dearly. I miss him more than mere words can say... I admit the longing to join him can be, at times, overwhelming...

However, it is life that calls out to me... as it does to all of us. Even as it does in the animal and plant world. So it seems to me that there is a power (God if you will) that determines for each of us when our end will come, and until that time comes, we are beholding to do the best we can to live a life worth living.

I know if I'd gone first, I would have wanted my husband to live and to appreciate life... to be a part of the living world. I know he wants the same for me.

Our time on earth is short... We will spend eternity with those we love. We can handle the waiting period.

Is there a reason for this? I assume so. I have no need to know what it is.

I believe we have many soul mates, not just one, on several levels. My best friend of 32 years is another female, and we have always had an affinity for each other. She is a karmic soul mate, or soul mate friend. 6 mos after my husband died, I ran into what I believe to be another karmic soul mate. We had a strong bond immediately, and still do, we don't know why, we just know we really love each other, and I'd do anything for him, but it never went to the romantic level, at least not yet. My husband and I had a bond too, but nothing like my karmic friends, theirs is so much stronger. For that reason, I don't think my husband was my soul mate, but I learned valuable lessons from my marriage to him, lessons that changed my life forever. I've learned from these 3 people that when I do find my soul mate, it will be a love like no other, and this person will complete me. But I do believe there is more than 1 that can do this. There is another lesson in life to be learned, James, that Tom couldn't teach you. We die when our life's lessons are learned, or when theirs is...