Widows & Widowers Support Group

Sandie,
My husband was a big music guy, he had evey type you could think of. At him furneral everyone talked about that fact. I took his ipod I now play it all the time the tears come but I am starting to enjoy the music more evey day....

Sandi, I tried to do that listening thing, last summer. And all it did was make me cry for three days straight. I sat on the living floor crying. Oh I am so sorry that music has set the tears flowing. All I can say is maybe it would be better to turn it off for now.

Hey Sandie, I haven't listened to hardly any music since Don died. I'll turn the radio on in the car to distract my mind because it seems like every time I'm driving the tears won't stop, but I put it one the Oldies station instead of the Country station that Don liked. I find that I can't watch some of the TV programs that we use to watch together... CMT Music Awards, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, Deal or No Deal, and certain movies that he loved...the Gladiator, etc. Right now I've chosen not to listen to the music or watch those programs because it hurts too much. He should be sitting there beside me and he's not. There are so many things that I've HAD to do since he died because I had no choice but to do them. So now when I do have a choice, I make the choice that is best for me at that moment. I know that the day will come when I'll be able to listen to the music and watch the programs without hurting so much, so I'll just wait until it's right for me. I hope this helps. Hugs to you, Linda

Music was an integral part of our relationship, too. My husband was a musician and composer among other talents, and our music collection covers an enormous amount of stuff (and takes up a lot of space!). I went back to listening to the music I liked before we met - even though we liked almost all the same things, somehow the stuff that was mine before Cliff is easier to listen to. The music we discovered together and enjoyed together I can't listen to yet. So for me, it's been the very old stuff or only things I've discovered since his passing. Hope this helps. Hugs.

I had this for a number of months. I wouldn't force it. It's funny but some habits just change. I spent nearly a month just watching TV and watching things very different from what I used to.

I know what you mean about music and tv. It hurts to listen to the music. My husband was in the church choir and even at church it is hard to hear or try to sing the music. I'm just taking it a little bit at a time. He was also a big tv person. The tv shows are the same. It's pretty bad when you watch all the news channels just because you can't stand to watch anything that either of us watched on tv. Let's all just take it a little at a time.

I listen to other music and I watch different tv then i did with my husband. its a form of protection to keep the memories some what at bay.

I listen to music all the time, none of it is what my husband liked. Somehow this helps me. I spend a lot of time crying while listening and this helps so much. Tears can be very cleansing and healing.
I Googled "sad songs" and downloaded many of them to my iPod so I could cry even more.

Mark loved his music. i listen to his cd's and the station he listened to because it makes me feel he is with me. I cry at some of the music because I remember him play an air guitar or the drums. He was a real Led Zepplin fan any kind of rock-n-roll. At his funeral Caleb an I made a presentation and add the song Free Bird to it. Because he was like a free bird. He was given the name Roaddog because he was on the road alot whether by car or his motorcycle.

Oh I wish I could offer some suggestion for you, but its the same for me. Its been nearly 16 months and I DON'T listen to ANY song that he used to love. If the song brings up strong memories for me I avoid it. We used to watch boxing matches together, now I avoid those because the every time I tried to since his been gone I cry...still. I don't watch any movie dealing w/a spouse or significant other passing. I watched The Brave One and the other people in the theater probably wanted to throw me out. So...I'm still avoiding things that bring pain w/the memories as much as possible. I'm told that one day we will be able to have all memories of them w/o the accompanying pain. I"M TOLD! I don't know if it will help or not for you to do that, but I believe we have to each do what works for us and it is different for each person. You are not alone. Peace & Blessings