Widows & Widowers Support Group

Oh Linda I am so sorry for you. I am also in the 3 month point and it is hard. You have to grieve at your own pace. Just know that there are people here for you.
Loretta

Hi, 15 weeks for me today.. I agree, it is harder if that is even possible, it is the reality sinking in I think. I had a horrible day saturday and yesterday I ended up with a migrane and getting sick during the night..All I could think of while I was getting sick is that he would have been in there asking if I was ok then after comforting me.. It is so hard not having him here.. I was doing yardwork last weekend which I love to do normally but I couldnt get the weedeater working correctly, he would have fixed that for me. I dont know when it will get easier, I hear 6 mos. is hard also so we have a ways to go..(hug)

Hi Linda,
I know your pain and at some point it does seem to get worse, alot worse. Yesterday was 4 months for me. And it's probably like Sandie said - it's the reality setting in. As for the yard work, I can totally relate to that. We just got a riding lawn mower last year towards the end of the season and I didn't know how to start it. I could mow and my husband had showed me the steps to get it started but I couldn't remember. So my brother showed me how and after it stoppping a few times when I'd put it in reverse I gave up and got off and forgot to turn the key off. The battery died. My son went out and bought me a battery charger but didn't show me how to use it. I figured that out and got it recharged and it's been working good since then. I felt a sense of accomplishment! Then I couldn't use the gas weedeater. I'm not very good with anything that has a rope that needs pulling. So I went out and bought me an electric one. Works great if you don't mind the 100-150 ft of extension cord you have to manuever around the yard behind you. And when it ran out of string the first time I didn't have the right size to replace it. I got the bigger string to work but it wasn't easy. I finally went to the store and got the right size and have gotten pretty good at changing it when needed. I also bought me an electric chain saw because we were still in the process of cleaning up after Katrina. We had cleaned up the backyard but not the front where so many trees had fallen down and demolished our beautiful landscaping. So now I'm left with a jungle to weed through and make pretty again. Lots of limbs still left to cut up and get rid of.
Not to mention that we were in the middle of remodeling the inside of the house. So much to do and no help makes your grief and missing them even moreso. I understand what you're going through.
Our cocker spaniel has not been groomed in months. We had our own clippers and that was my husband's job also. You should see my poor dog, he has bangs in his eyes and I keep saying I'm getting to it and I haven't yet. I can't afford to take him to the vet to have it done. At this point I don't know if they would even want to, he's such a mess.
Eventually I suppose we will all learn how to do the things our husbands did but it doesn't make their loss any easier on us, only worse.
Maybe in time... I told one of my sons the other day "It's not easy being the man of the house!" I am so sorry for your loss.

Hey Loretta, Sandie, and Judi ... I noticed that we are all fairly young widows. What's with that?? I went to a family reunion and was watching my Mom with all her sisters & brothers who are all in their 70's...and I was the widow!! And it occurred to me that on my Mom's side of the family....out of all my aunts and uncles (all in their 70's) and cousins..I am the only one who has lost a spouse. It's not that I wish that on anyone... but it was such a surreal moment when I realized it. I felt like I was in the Twilight zone.
-Linda

It is weird, isn't it? Especially when you consider that my husband's parents are in their mid to late 70's and his two grandmothers lived to their mid 90's. My Dad died at 57 (auto accident) which made my mother a widow at 51. My grandmother was in her 80's when she passed away. I guess it just happens to some at an early age, unfortunately.

At three months I was feeling the same,at months 4 to 9 I was feeling better and at month 10 and 11 I am feeling worse again it will be year June 19th. I think the year anniversary will be the worse because by then you realize that they are not coming back. My heart goes out to you, may God guide you and help you along as he has me. I also find it helps to sleep with something that belonged to him, I sleep with my husbands cell phone , and i dont feel silly I have even cuddled up to a stuffed animal.

It's been a year for me. My husband died unexpectedly in a tree accident. He was in the hospital for 6 weeks before he couldn't fight anymore. I am a young widow as well (47)and I feel your pain. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I wish after a year I could tell you that it's all better but for me it isn't. I think we learn to live with it but the hurt and pain are still there. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes and in fact am crying as I type! I think taking one day at a time and sometimes it's hour by hour. We will get through this because of our children and grandchildren (I have 2). I think the support of others who have been through this is important. We are here to help each other through the pain. I guess I'm lucky in the fact that we did everything together. From mowing the yard to working on the cars and me helping him with his electrical business, he even did the laundry. I know just enough about just enough to get me into trouble. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. I know finding this site and all of these wonderful people has helped me tremendously. We are all there for you. Talk to us.
Debbie

Linda I am so so sorry for your loss and the apin yuor having for the pastor wife to say that is wrong as I see it I did hospic work for 7 years never heard anyone say that . the memories will live on in your heart forever. donot let anyone tell yuo different. Moving on take time for some a lot of time each person is different huggskathyjo

Yes I understand what you mean. Instead of getting easier it gets harder and harder. I don't understand why. I go up and down everyday. But I keep praying and maybe one day it will.

Linda, when I read your entry above it sounded so much like me. I also lost my husband 3 mos ago to a freak accident. He was in excellent health and it was a total shock. I, like you relied on him for many things. We'd been married for a very long time and hence we each had 'our own area' that we tended to. We were an intertwined unit and had a successful and loving married. We have a son and my husband and him were especially close. Most times I wonder WHY it wasn't me that was taken instead of my husband. He could survive and I'm not sure I can. Although my son and I are close...I KNOW he misses that very special bond he had with his and I dont' believe I'm a good replacement for that. He would know what to do and I don't. He could have held our finances together and I'm not sure I'll be able to. We worked together in a business for 23 years. I have closed the business and sold off what I could, whereas he could have kept it going or else gotten a job...I so whipped and depressed and tired that I still haven't seriously looked for employment and I'm scared to death that I am going to become a burden to my son and wonderful daughter-in-law. I think about suicide every single day. I know your pastor's wife mean well, but she hasn't lost her husband and to even think you can let go after just three months is completely out off the charts in my estimation. Are you in grief counseling? Do you have friends and family that you can 'talk to' in you deperate times?

Kathy