Widows & Widowers Support Group

You are so vulnerable right now, I really feel like this is a phase you are going through in order to protect yourself. And it's okay - it will pass when it's time. Also, my thoughts are, whoever said real men don't cry was obviously in need of a good cry themselves. Hope this finds you doing well.

#1 REAL MEN do cry.
#2 No you are not turning into ice.
You just lost someone who you spent 27 YEARS with. I agree with mj that its a phase you are going thru. And don't think about another relationship yet. IMHO its too soon after spending that amount of time with someone. HUGS your way

I am the same way at times. It is hard for me. My spouse was a very special person and I don't believe I will find another like him. Really don't want to! It will be 6 months for me in May.

Ditto what Kyle said. Real men do cry. I too consider myself to be masculine. I played football all my life, played tons of other sports, crash my ATV and walk away, etc...

Since my wife died just three weeks ago, I have cried nearly every day. When my daughter gets upset, my heart breaks and I cry with her. I do this not to feel better, it is uncontrollable.

I think it just takes time to be comfortable giving the affection to others when you are dealing with so much. I think it is exhausting even accepting sympathy and hugs from others. Every time we do, it opens everything back up. Hang in there and don't worry about this stuff. just focus on what is important to you.

Thanks...I hope this is a phase. I don't want to wind up bitter and old....OK, I won't be able to control the old part, but I don't want to be bitter. Maybe it's premature, but I don't think I will ever be in another relationship. I've had several people say "you're still young, you'll find someone else". I find that rather insulting. How dare they presume I am even considering that. I guess they mean well.

"I don't want to wind up bitter and old....OK, I won't be able to control the old part" I like the sense of humor :-)

" I've had several people say "you're still young, you'll find someone else".
That is the "standard statement" from people trying to make you feel better with all good intentions. Most of them do not know what it is like to lose your life partner so they say what they think is right without thinking :-)

Alfy,

I think what you're going thru is normal. My husband has been dead for almost 2 years. Never in our relationship did I ever even DREAM of being with/kissing, etc. another man. I still can't think of doing anything like that. My last date was 33 yrs. ago. I'm not sure I want another as crazy as the world has become. Things are so different now.

In time I'm sure we will both be more comfortable hugging or touching others. I feel very strongly that I do not want to marry again. If I meet the right guy and he's very pursuasive......................who knows. It is true that time heals all wounds. This wound will just take longer than others.

Don't be offended by what other people say. The are trying to be supportive and optimistic. They do not mean to offend.

And by all means CRY as much and as long as you need to. If you didn't cry, I'd be worried. I am not a crier (oh, I definitely boo-hoo watching touching movies). I do not cry for myself in real life. In the past two years I've cried more that in all the other years of my life. It helps.

If any of you need someone to talk/cry to, I've got might big shoulders. Feel free.

You are going through a tough time now.We all have a right to feel bitter.I havnt been a widow very long but I want to believe the feelings I feel now are not going to be the same feelings I feel 10 yrs from now.I hope its just a phase.

I don't think you're turning into ice at all. I just think that everything takes time, cliche as it sounds, and you're obviously still grieving (now, if only I could take my own advice!). For me, it's a little bit different. I'm totally blind and my husband was sighted. So there was a lot of touching, cuddling, hugging, etc. I remember hugging him and putting my head on his chest and stuff at the funeral (which happened on Mar/14, one month after he sent me roses, which he's never done before). I quite enjoy the hugging still, it's the cliches and the memories that anger me. Sorry again about the cliche about it taking time. One thing I do agree with you on, though, no relationships for me. I think I will be comparing everyone to Mike, and that's not fair to them, and a waste of time for me. So it's singlesville from now on, and only friends and family.