Widows & Widowers Support Group

It sounds like they are hurting. Unfortunately, they don't know how to deal with their grief and the children suffer also. Send them a Christmas pic. You will feel good about it and the are likely to want it... especially as time goes by.

Definitely send the Christmas pic; he probably feels overwhelmed by everything too and took your 2nd "attempt" as being pressured to change his mind. Maybe you could try to tell dad-in-law that you didn't realize you had asked already, that you were sedated and thought it was a dream, just as you told us. Even though you don't owe him an apology, maybe telling him you're sorry you didn't remember asking will get his head back where it belongs. It has nothing to do with your humbling yourself; I only suggest it for his sake. What have you got to lose? He clearly must be under incredible stress to reject his own grandson and like so many of us, he doesn't know how to deal with its so he got angry. It's too bad that this extra pressure has to fall on you too, but either everyone will continue to drift apart, or one person has to take steps to pull the family back together.

I am sorry they are not supportive. My inlaws have entirely disowned me, and I know that hurts. You can have the dignity and grace to deal with all of your stress, that of your son, medical problems, AND your loss, and I would not wish for you to add any opportunity for misplaced guilt if you don't send the card. They may not be able to open it at the moment, but that is THEIR problem, not yours. You will be able look at your son and know in your heart that you, at least, have behaved honorably and kindly.
The best advice I can give is to send cards at holidays, perhaps with little notes in them to let them know how your son is doing. I would continue to call about once a week (or however often you did while you still had your husband with you) and leave a nice, short voicemail. If they truly don't want to have anything to do with you, they will let you know and then you won't have to worry or wonder. I do not, however, think that will be the case. I know it is hard, and I am truly sorry. You still have us, though!!

Thank you all for sharing your replies. I think there is concensus, and I am going tofollow your advice. I did leave a message explaining the circumstances and that I had been heavily medicated. I still got no return call. I did apologize. And I will send the pics and a card. THank you all.

Why the in laws; what about your side of the family, a friend or perhaps a family at church that can't have kids of their own. Sometimes we get tunnel vision and don't realize we have other options that may be better in the long run. I hope you find this encouraging. I realize time is of the essence here and your health would probebly benefit from peace of mind knowing your son would be loved and cared for in your absence. I like the saying friend are family we pick. Good luck.

let your son send the card maybe it will melt him a little bit