Widows & Widowers Support Group

Ouch! A man who says "thank you" when you profess your love for him is not in love with you. That's my gut instinct, regardless of the fact that he's lost a wife. The fact that he drops out of sight for days at a time leads me to think that he is not too concerned with your needs. If he cares for you, why would he not miss you and want to know what's going on with you? (I'm assuming during his "absences" you are constantly wondering how he is--right?) Don't settle for half a relationship. That's the best advice I can offer. I guess everything depends on how long you've been with this man. You deserve to know where you stand with him.

Wow! How many red flags do you need? He is not looking for a romantic relationship with you. You are a comfort to him, a relief from whatever else he is going through, but nothing else. If you are looking for more, look elsewhere. This man is emotionally unavailable. And the fact that he disappears for days at a time and doesn't want you in his home are troublesome at the very least. This is not the guy who's going to make your romantic dreams come true....

How long has it been since his wife passed away? Was it sudden or was she ill? That makes a big difference. He is thankful for your love of that I am sure but, may not be ready to say it back, yet. Have you asked him where he goes or what he does for those days he is gone? Having patience and talking to him will solve alot of questions you have.

Cliffskat nailed it on the head, red flags are everywhere. And while you might be good for him, it doesn't sound like he's good for you. He likes your company "sometimes" on "his terms", meanwhile, he leaves you dangling for days, apparently unconcerned about your needs. Doesn't sound like much to hang on to.

I really agree with Aseret...don't "wait" for him, and don't try to kiss his "boo-boos". He has alot of emotional stuff to go through, and only he will know when and if he wants to move on. If you were the right woman, he would not hesitate...You see, I found out the hard way. I am a widow of almost 2 years. For a little while I was seeing a widower (his wife died just after my husband). We met at a time when he wasn't ready to date, but I was so crazy about him I wanted to do anything to hold on. I became his emotional support, I was there for him anytime he needed me. But whenever I wanted to see him he was conveniently "busy". We did see each other every so often, but not as much as I wanted to. This went on for 15 months, my emotions were very up and down, if I thought I was getting extra attention I was happy. When I didn't hear from him, I was sad. Overall I was very frustrated with the relationship. 3 weeks ago, he found someone else, I met her at a party I had at my house, he brought her with my permission. He introduced me to her as his "little sister". Because I was the boo-boo kisser, our relationship changed from romantic to more like a sister figure, since I am younger than he, I couldn't really be labeled like a "mother". I wouldn't see it as a wasted year, because I relied on him too, and we do love each other, he tells me he loves me. I like his girlfriend, if he marries her, we'll be really good friends too. I wouldn't do it again, I spent a year waiting for something that never happened anyway. If you were the right girl, you'd know it by his actions. Don't kiss his boo-boos that's what mothers are for. Don't try to solve all his problems, that's what counselors are for. And if you do, be prepared, because the relationship will change.

I have recently started seeing a newly divorced man. He has some issues of insecurity that he's working through, left over emotional baggage from his marriage. The last time he brought it up, I just said "you'll figure it out, I have faith in you." I leave him totally alone, I call him every so often if I have a purpose for the call, otherwise he calls me first. And you know, some weeks he calls me every night, some weeks he doesn't. There are a few men in my life, and I just get on with it. The more I go out, the more contacts I make, if I find someone wonderful before he comes around, then that's the chance he took. I'm not kissing boo-boos, and I'm not putting my life on hold, and you shouldn't either.

How long has he been a widower, and are you the first woman in his life after her death? I know for me, the first woman I dated after the death of my wife, I keep her at arms length. We would go out to dinner and do stuff, but I would never hold her hand or show effecting in public. When she would tell me that she missed me, I would reply with some wise ass remark. I know that I like the way she treated me and probley had the same feelings she had for me, but in a way I was scared to show effecting and have feelings to her, because I didn't want to disrespect my wife. I don't know, but maybe that's your guy's issue. If it's not then I would find someone elese because it's not fair to yourself to be treated that way.