Widows & Widowers Support Group

You are so right. It is your house. I went through something similar, except my brother-in-law went into the garage and helped himself. I soon put locks on. Maybe they need to be reminded you are not ready to give any stuff away. If you do choose to give anything away later, then and only then, I would consider asking them first. You could tell them that. Personally speaking I didn't have much to give away except his clothes. All the tools in the garage have come in very handy over the years. Other things I will be giving to my children. His mom is so very wrong. Your husband's belongs belong to you and your children now - no one else. Hang in there. Take care.

Thanks RenaMc, I actually changed the locks on my doors today. It is very sad that it had to resort to that. I am just afraid they will come and take whatever. He was a sports freak and comic book junkie--his sister says those things have sentimental value. Excuse my I lived w/ the man for 18 yrs--my life revolved aroung his sports, can't go out tonight bulls are on, can't have a party this weekend Cubs are on. Are you freaking kidding me!!!

I agree it is your house. Just tell them you are not ready yet. I had a similar problem Brian was a stained glass artist. His mother wanted the glass and stuff. I just told her that I wasn't ready yet and that it was staying where it is (it is still there not touched). Be strong you cant deal with what you already have to deal with, you do not need them adding problems to the mix. Tell them when you are ready. I think sometimes the in-laws forget about the loss you are going through for some reason being married is not on the same level as loosing "flesh and blood". Hang in there I am here if you need me.

They sound like awfully pushy. I would just tell them what was his is now yours and the kids' and if and when you do decide to give anything away that you'll be sure to let them know. Until then they need to back off and leave you alone. You already have enough to deal with. As for any collections that your husband had, if they have sentimental value then that's all the more reason for those things to stay with you and your family, not them. I have a feeling they may think that they have more than sentimental value, like monetary value. Stand your ground and don't give in to their demands. You just don't treat people like that especially someone going through the loss of their beloved husband. Take care and good for you for standing up to them! Judi

I wish I could give you some advice on how to handle this. Right off the bat, My mother in law told me that my husband had told his brother that he could have his truck. I'm not ready to give that up even though it's just sitting in the driveway. It belongs to me not them. Then she mentioned a picture of herself that she had taken while pregnant with my husband. She wanted me to give that to my brother in law too. I told her that I had to make a copy first. You know I lost my husband, my kids lost their Dad, & my grandkids lost their Papaw. She finaly stopped with all of it. She lost her husband, my husband's father, just 3 short months later. It is you stuff, not theirs. We were also together 18 years. Good Luck! Changing the locks was the best thing.

I appreciate all the advise. I started to second guess myself and think I should just give them whatever. I love him sooo muuuccchh and miss him soooo muuuccchh, i just want to hold onto any little miniscule thing I can. I want him back. Thanks all.

My situation was a bit different, there was no will and by state law my step-daughter were entitiled to half. They came over the day after the funeral with a list of things they wanted, including his dresser. I was forced to clean it out ready or not. It also forced me the change my bedroom around as there was a big empty space, in the room and my heart. I resented the fact that they did not wait, but now 8 months later am grateful. In your case maybe just telling them that you are not ready to go thru his things but when you are you will give them 1st choice of the the YOU decide to part with is the way to go. I also think changing the locks was a good idea.
P.S. For anyone reading this if you do not have a will please get one. The laws in every state are different, I know that we had no idea that everything didn't automatically go to the surviving spouse.

My husbands family thought the same thing. Anything that was Martys is now theirs ...WRONG!!It is all mine to give when I want and to whom I want. His brother had a key to the house and I changed the lock. Do not do anything just because they want it. You take your time and when you decide its time then its time to give what you feel you want to. You don't have to give anything ever if you don't want to.

How tacky! I believe your in-laws are making a point of being so pushy just because they know you're in a vulnerable place right now. It's times like these that you really find out who your friends are. These people may have been your family by marriage, but they were never your friends.

Good for you to change the locks. I would also alert the neighbors, if you have any, to keep a look out for you in case anyone comes around while you're gone. You don't say how old our daughters are, but please alert them or any babysitters not to be letting anyone into the house while you're gone, even if they are a relative.

If anyone else calls sniffing around for some freebies, tell them that you have not decided when you will go through your husband's belongings, but when you do, it will not be free-for-all with people snatching stuff up right and left. Once you decide what you will save back for the children, you will call people individually about other items. That gets the message across that anything they get from your husband will be by invitation only and you'll be the one issuing the invitation!!!

Stick to what you thinks is right don't let them push you around. Do what you feel comfortable and do it when you are ready. Hugs, Norma