Widows & Widowers Support Group

Im sorry for you loss. For me staying busy is the key. Maybe you can volunteer after work? There must be some programs through the hospital that you could help out with. Or maybe something totally out of the medical field. Maybe a class at night or something? Think about what you might want to do and see if there is anything in the times you need to fill in the lonely times.. We will probably be lonely for awhile but doing the best we can is all we can do.

I'm sorry also for your loss and I too find that staying very busy sure helps me, however, you have to be careful and not wear yourself out because that isn't good either (speaking from experience!)

waynejane, what part of Tn are you in? I was born in Eastern Tenn (Tazewell) but have lived most of my life in Ohio.

Hope you have a good evening ((((HUGS))))

Yur pain is still very raw and I know the pain you are going thrugh and I am veery lonely. My Harry died on 7/2/06 and I live next door to our daughter who doesn't speak to me but I'm getting through that. I still miss Harry every day. My hardest partwas acting "normal" at work. I am an RN and work in a hospital. I don't know if you have gone back to work or not but it was very hard for me to care about patients again. Other nurses sometimes made it worse by asking how I was doing early in the shift and that would usually set me off for the day going into the bathroom and crying. Finally I had to tell my friends got word around not to ask untl I was leaving and I still cry all the way home knowing he won't be here waiting for me like he always did. My prayers are with you.
Janet

Im in the same boat...I have tried staying busy and it don't work for me personally it just make time go by Im still lonely and missing my husband terribly..Im up most of the nite so if you ever need to talk Im here all I can say is I understand how you feel and Im so sorry for the loss of your husband..

Karen

It is still very early following the death of your husband. My wife died in March 2007 and like you there are no family living near and so-called friends have stopped calling now. Being alone is difficult and I wouldn't pretend to have profound words of wisdom but like others I do find keeping busy is a help. I have also found this site helpful and writing my own journal and reading and responding to others both occupies time and provides support and comfort. I have developed different routines to the ones we had together. I don't watch much TV now and when I do I watch different things. I listen to more music and radio. I sit in a different room in the house in the evening. It's all little things but somehow they just seem the right things to do and that is one thing I have learned - just follow your feelings and do whatever seems right at the time. My thoughts are with you and I wish you some peace and calm.

Like pneylan, I made some adjustments to my routine. I found that trying to do the same things we did as a couple were excruciating, even simple things like watching certain tv shows or listening to certain music. I made some changes in my home environment, too, because everything was a reminder of my loss. As far as building new social contacts, there are a number of ways to go about that, and you can do that slowly in small steps, too. Try taking a one-day 'how-to' class at a craft store, or if there is anything you feel strongly about, volunteer a couple hours a week with an organization geared towards that issue. If you're a person of faith, you could try a church study class or volunteering to help with children's classes or something along those lines. It doesn't have to be a big deal - in fact it's better if it's not to start with - but small steps can make a huge difference. Do you have any pets? Sometimes having somebody furry to cuddle up with can make a difference - just ask my cat... Our lives as we knew them ended when our spouses died, and building something new takes time, and we resist having to do that - we don't want to be in this position, and typically we almost feel unfaithful for even trying to do without them. This is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. It takes courage to make even the small changes, but they are necessary so that we can find joy in our lives again. It is very early days for you, it's still pretty raw I'm sure. Take it in small steps, and with each step, you will find more strength to continue. As for friends, we're here for you. My DS friends have made a much bigger impact on my life than my so-called ones have - they don't understand how monumental a change this is like my DS friends. Hugs.

Working as an LPN, I figure you put in some long hours already. Volunteering may work out for you, but you might not have the time. Since your day job is taking care of others, my first idea would be to do something just for you--something creative.

You might check out local community colleges in your area. Often they have a selection of non-credit courses in art, crafts, etc. that are fun and not too expensive. My mom took an art course after my step-father died where they visited some local art galleries/exhibits on six consecutive Saturdays. She really enjoyed it and it was something my dad would have never wanted to do.

Your loss is very recent, so I don't advise uprooting yourself right now, but after a few months, you might want to really sit down and asses whether or not you want to stay in your present location or perhaps move closer to your family.

For myself, I got a part time job at a local restaurant working as a hostess. It's just two nights a week and it distracts me during the evening.