Widows & Widowers Support Group

Remember, your husband is there watching over you.
You need to have this party for your daugther, and do what he wanted you to do.
put that smile on her face.... and you will have a smile in your heart....

I had the same problem at the 6 month mark, my 50th was 1st, then my 19 year old, and my other turned 21 all of us just a few weeks apart. My boys are older. So I just got cakes for them and did the best I could. However when you are 11 I think thay need something a little more. So have a big blow out for her this is the 1st without her daddy. My younger son came to me about 2 days before his BD and said mom I know you lost your husband but just remember I lost my dad. That hit me in a way that made me think I was so lost in my grief I did not take time to know they also hurt. God be with you and just do it for him and her. Love to you
Susan

Our daughter turned 20 and the other 18 at the 4 and 5 month time. All I was able to do for my 20 year old was cake and dinner. For my 18 we had a bbq with some of her friends and family.. Nothing too exciting but it was the best I could do. When my girls were younger we would get cake and some snacks and have their parties at a park. The kids loved it and I didnt have to really do a bunch of games. Maybe if the weather is ok where you are that might be an option.

If she's 11, I'll be she would love a slumber party. For that you don't have to do much, except have plenty of soft drinks and snacks, & a cake... maybe let her choose 2 or 3 movies to rent. And be ready to put up with 4 or 5 giggling girls half the night, and the same tired cranky girls the next morning. That would probably have to be on a Friday or Saturday night, so on the actual night of her birthday, maybe you could go out to dinner at her choice of restaurant. Just a thought, but it's one way to get through it where you would only "minimally" have to put on a happy-face.

That is a tough call. She probably needs to
know some semblence of normalcy after losing her dad. She has to know how much this has
devastated you. Just do your best. And tell
her, baby I am gonna do the best I can for your birthday. It is very important to me.
Bless your heart.
Linde

We had several birthdays in the last 4 months since I lost my husband. Do you have a friend or family member that could help you do the planning? Just like anything we are doing right now, we just have to take it one step at a time. Even if you can't enjoy it, try to make it look like you are. For her sake. It won't be the same but try to enjoy. You may supprise yourself. I went to one birthday party last month for my daughter's best friends little boy and I supprised myself. I had fun for the first time in several months. Hope this helps some.

Can you have a slumber party? If you could, why don't you take her to the party supply/greeting card store and have her pick out her own decorations and then let her decorate for her party. Food can be easy too. Have someone pick up some "hot and ready" pizzas. Supply some drinks and other little snacks too. I don't know where to find these things, but I know there are "canned" parties. I remember seeing like gallon paint cans that have "girly" stuff for themed parties. Like a spa night where everyone trys on make up, or maybe if you know someone who sells Mary Kay, they might come and do "makeovers" for your daughter and some friends. If you know one of the moms well, you might ask her for her help. You WILL get thru this too. And youll feel better that you did rather than avoiding it. Hang in there, love!

I really appreciate all of you guys advice. I do not know where I would be without any of you here on DS. Everyone here has truly saved my life these last 6 months.... in one way or another. So thank you and god bless.

my daughter turned 14 one week after her dad passed way. We buried him 2 days before Thanksgiving and had Christmas one month later. It was a horrible holiday season. My daughter was ok with not having a party but her friends were nice enough to get together and surprise her with one from them.

It has been a little bit but your daughter does need a party and I think it would be good for you too. If you have anyone to ask to help you plan it I would ask them for some assistance. Then that would also make them feel like they are able to help you. Good Luck ... My prayers are with you.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN & SORROW, but I found being with Children (mine are grown up & out of the house) I start to remember how I was & start acting LIKE A CHILD...laughing, playing, acting SILLY, I agree a slumber party is GOOD, you will be surprised at how you will join in & GIGGLE, LAUGH, ACT LIKE YOUR DAUGHTERS GIRLFRIENDS, just join in & play games & REMEMBER THAT YOUR HUSBAND WOULD WANT YOU TO GO ON & BE HAPPY...I know that sounds crazy!, but If you do this YOUR MAKING A STATEMENT ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH & COURAGE TO MOVE ON (EVEN IF IT IS ONE OR TWO DAYS) you will reconnect w/your daughter & HAVE FUN DOING IT...SHE NEEDS YOU AS MUCH AS YOU NEED HER!!!! I wish my kids were here, it wouldn't be so lonely, but they live all over the US from East to West to North....so I've kinda adopted some neighborhood kids to play with. I even go to the park by myself just to swing, climb on the monkey bars, get on the teeter totter...what ever they have & I LOVE watching the other kids playing & the interaction with their parents or babysitters...I LOVE THE OUTDOORS & have ALWAYS enjoyed the PARK!!!!! My PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU & YOUR FAMILY AS YOU GO THRU THIS.....Be Strong & Trust Jesus....I talk to Jesus all the time & HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME!!! Have a great day & God Bless Always, Karen