Widows & Widowers Support Group

Janet,
It's ok, just breath! Ok now you are going to want to here his voice and see him happy. It is not wrong you should watch them. Go ahead and cry until you can't cry anymore. I have done the same thing, it is so hard here without our best friends the love of your life. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better but I don't we are here for you. I will say a prayer that God gives you a little peace.
Susan

I have several videos of my grandkids, and my husband is in most of them. It's been nearly two years for me, and I still haven't watched them. I think I'm afraid it will throw me into despair. However, I think I'm about ready to see them now. I want to see him and hear his voice.

I think, or I'm hoping anyway, that after a day or two, the raw pain you feel right now will lessen, and evetually you will be able to draw comfort and strength from those tapes, seeing the love you shared with him right in front of your eyes.

It wasn't a terrible thing you did, Janet. It was simply a grasp for the past you lived and loved. If you think of it as something you did wrong, it will hurt you. Try just thinking of it as "It didn't work this time."

Hoping you can feel a little better tomorrow!

You took one more step on your grief journey. Next step will be gentler. Yes you should have looked at them...it hurts but next time will be better. One day at a time ok?

My husband's sister just found some old tapes that have my husband and his father on them. They both passed away within the last 4 months. She said while watching the tapes, she and my husbands mom, laughed and cried over and over. I can't wait to see them. In the tapes there or atleast 7 family members who have since passed away. I know it will be rough but I can't wait.

Well, you have more courage than I do. I still haven't watched any family videos, and neither has my son. We just can't yet. It's not terrible, just know you're not ready, and don't let it bother you.

Before I wrote this I stopped & read the rules of the road,because I wanted to be supportive.That said,my mom always said"It's a nice life if you dont weaken". Im a single mom,widowed; and I have no family, besides my two children. I dont know what problems youre having with your child, but I do know that you have to be strong and sometimes that's hard when you falling apart on the inside. Stand tough with love and be patient. About the tapes, I dont see why youre all complaining. Watch them every single second you can! I have pictures of my soulmate and memories. I'd give anything to see him on tape, to hear his voice, to hear his laugh. It may not be easy the first time or the next 50 times. Its been almost four years for me and it hurts just as bad as the first day I lost him. We have to be tough but we dont have to deny that we're human. So, watch the tapes and feel lucky. You have a beautiful gift that many would wish to have.

Yesterday i saw my 10 yr old watching tapes, I couldn't. I can look at pictures though, a little sad but o.k. It is kinda weird because I still can't look at pics of my mom and it's been over 5 yrs. I still miss her so much. Especially now, I need her so bad.

I found a video that Carlos had taken while we were on vacation in SD two years ago. He was behind the camera most of the time, so it's only his voice. I never for one second thought that listening to his beautiful voice was a terrible thing. I listened to it for the first time on our 4th anniversary - a month-and-a-half after his death. I've listened to it many times since then, and it's always brought me comfort. I may have cried my eyes out, but the releif afterwards brings peace for a while.

Don't be so hard on yourself - you are not doing anything wrong - you are reaching for straws in an effort to get through this awful time. There will come a time when you will watch these tapes and be able to smile and remember with love instead of sadness.
Hugs
Angela

You have taken a step that is a difficult one. It will take time but don't feel as though you did something wrong. It is a blessing that we have videos of our loved ones. I still haven't been able to pull mine out yet. I know that it will be so painful. I do think that I'm getting close though, I really would like to hear my husbands voice again (that was one thing that attracted me to him when we first met and talked on the phone). I am doing better with looking at pictures of us now (it has been 8 months for me). Take your time with the videos. I will be praying for you. Hugs to you. Denise

i too have a video of john playing with the band i did watch it it was wonderful to see him i cried but thats ok if thats what you need to do i cry all the time it does seem to help also he sang our song at home one night and i recorded it as my ring tone so everytime my phone rings i hear his voice so in time you will treasure theses things you have you are in my prayers