Widows & Widowers Support Group

This is your decision - not theirs. In my grief and my state of shock I allowed my husband to be buried in a Catholic cemetery due to pressure from his family. Carlos was NOT Catholic except that his mother baptised him when he was a baby - we were Christians - we went to an Evangelical Free Church. His family has now turned their backs on me, his mother has gone so far as to out-and-out accuse me of "doing something" to him. I now wish I had buried him in the cemetery in our town, as I wanted.

Don't do anything until you are absolutely good and ready to! If you decide to hang on to his ashes until your death and have them mixed with yours before burial - that's your decision. If you decide to scatter them in the wind at his favorite vacation spot or a place that he always wanted to visit - that's your decision. The family has to understand that you were his wife and the decision is yours to make.

I hope you can be spared any more pain from this ordeal. You're in my prayers.
Angela

Can you have a "sit down" talk with them? You need to find out what their wishes are as well. He was a part of their lives, and maybe they need some closure. The best advice maybe is to just leave it alone a little longe and maybe you will come up with the perfect solution. Did he have a favorite place, like the mountains of the seashore? His ashes could be released in one of those places perhaps. Think things thru for a while, but talk to his parents first. Blessings, Sharon

Communication, is the key. Talk, Talk talk. But the bottom line is the choice is yours!!!! Please, don't cave in. Do what makes you happy. I will pray, it work out.

I had a similar problem at the beginning, Brian's family has a plot at a cemetrary which is old and horrible. I had decided that Brian would be cremated because at the time I felt it was softer for the children. (my experience with burials have been bad). His mother didn't like the choice of cemetery or the choice of church. The bottom line is that it is your decision and you have to do what you feel comfortable doing. I did ask for input in some things to do with the funeral. The day after Brian passed I was hit with his mother wanting some of his ashes this made me angry at first then when I thought about it the ashes weren't Brian they were only what remained of his earthly body and somehow I came to be at peace with giving her some. When we were ready to place Brian at the cemetery his sister and I talked and we decided that Brian had already had his furneral and we decided that we were not going to have a priest, we read poems and letters that we had written his mother being a devote catholic didn't like this either but I stood my ground. Remember there is no right or wrong in this it is what you want. I would just leave it for now and talk to them a little down the track. Maybe suggest buying a tree or flower (we bought roses) and plant them in his memory. Hang in there Di

I also had my husband cremated, it is what he wanted. He also did not want anyone to view his body. Bruce also died unexpected and I let his family have a viewing. He wanted me to take his ashes to the Pacific Ocean but he never gave me a time frame. I have decided that his ashes will stay with me until I die then we can go together.

I had my husband cremated also and I didn't bury him because we got one for the two of us so we could be together. I keep him on my dresser in my bedroom with his picture above, and I talk to him. This is your decision, no-one elses. Mine will stay with me until I join him