Widows & Widowers Support Group

i wish I could help, my husband of 20 years passed away in April. My first husband of 3 and a half years passed away on May 13, 1986. Somedays I am mad at God, sometimes second husband. Is there a person of god you can talk to, or most cities have free or low pay clinics for people to talk with. Somedays I am so mad I want to yell, all day. I am only online, but I am here if you need someone to listen, I don't know if that helps.

I don't know how to help except to tell you to seek out counseling. I am VERY angry with my husband for leaving me under the circumstances that he did. His family has totally abandoned me because in their sick minds they think I had something to do with his death. I have been going to counseling for about a month now, and I've been to one bereavement group. It might just help to know you're not alone in our anger. It's a natural part of the grieving process.

Hugs,
Angela

Thanks for your replies. I just don't know what to do at all. I guess if I can't get past this, then I do need to talk it out with a councellor. I just am feeling very alone and even worse, I feel so vulnerable. My feelings get hurt so easily and I need help in and around my home but I put the responsibility on others. I feel like they should know I need help around here and that they should call me to invite me to their gatherings or just out for coffee or lunch. And then when I'm feeling such self pity for myself, I get angry with my husband for putting me here. I had been so isolated in taking care of him for several years that I don't have many friends now, and most of the friends I do have, they have families and husbands. I hate wallowing in my sorrow and I hate having all the responsibilities that were supposed to be shared by a couple, not alone. Sorry I rant. I just have never been in such a dark lonely place and I don't want to share this with my children cuz, like I already said, they have to come to terms with this on their own. I have to appear the stong one for them. I just sucks!

Hi Not sure about this one. I am the same way at times. Lost my soulmate, and very upset that I have to face life alone. He was a great encourager, just knew how to handle situations. Feel lost w/o him. Thinking of counseling for my self. Perhap at a Church. Not sure about the usual way of counseling. I will definately keep both of us up in prayer, since you can't go wrong with prayer! Hang in there, this is all apart of the grieving process.

Totally agree with the above counseling advice. These are exceptional circumstances, and not one that friends who have not gone through it entirely understand. Get what you need. Your husband would want you to get the help.

I'm angry also but not at my husband (its out of his control he would not want this to happen)

I'm angry @ the whole situation .... its extremely hard to deal with everything and on top of that grieving for the one you loved so much..

it can become overwhelming I had seek out grief counseling its helped some but in a few days I'm right back to all the pissed off emotions ..

when I get back I starting a grief counseling thru my church a 12 week program all we can do is keep trying different things in getting some type of relief from all our pain we hold..

I'm sorry you going thru this but most of us know how your feeling and were all here for you... not sure how to get thru all of it myself but express your pain

I am not angry at my husband. He fought cancer for 12 years. He tried everything. He even ate veggies for breakfast. He exercised and had a great diet. He wanted to live. I am thankful for the time we had. We danced, exercised, volunteered, shopped, everything together. We made the most of the time we had.
Now life seems so meaningless. I wish I knew the words to say to you, but maybe there are none.

I was sent a site to go to that as helped me a great deal. I just went to this site and could actually say what I needed to say. I'm feeling a little more at peace. I have a ways to go yet cuz the scars run deep. With the help of God and prayer, I will someday fully forgive and will be able to move forward. The site is: icanpray.com Others here could check it out.

I found that counseling helped. I also found that when I was really pissed at him for all of this I would tell him so! When we would fight when he was alive, I'd tell him that I loved him even when I was totally pissed off at him. I guess that made it a little easier to voice that afterwards. And, yes, I've told God on more than one occasion that I'm not happy with His role in this either. Anger is a natural phase of the grieving process - and this isn't a linear - all-in-a-straight-line process - the anger will pop up again and again from time to time. I am at the point where at least I can laugh at some of it. Hang in there. Hugs!

I have gone through a lot of anger. Anger with God, my husband, the person who caused the accident and the doctor for being less than compassionate when he told me my husband would probably die and if he didn't he would not have any quality of life left. I am still finding it hard to forgive God but its getting better I think. Sometimes when things happen that overwhelm me or I have to learn to do something he always did I am angry not at him so much but at where I am now. I am learning to hire some things done when I can afford it and to try to fix things myself if I can. I think anger is an important part of grieving and we should just accept it and it does come and go even after almost 17 months.