Uterine Cancer Support Group

Hi, I can only tell you what I have experienced, as far as cancer, with two ladies I provided care for and about one lady I knew through her brother. They were already at end stage cancer, (uterine) though. I can say I knew they all tried very hard, each had their own ideas about what was happening to them ... it is a personal journey for each person to work their way through. There have also been several cirrhosis of the liver people in my family and I am living with a man with a bad liver now. Firstly let me tell you about: The lady I knew through her brother who decided one day she would just stop eating altogether. She looked good, kept herself clean and dressed nice, and she did not act as though she were in pain. She would chide her brother for praying over her ... but she knew exactly what she was going through and she knew exactly when it was she needed to go to the hospital. She tried her best to keep from burdening her brother who had promised his mother he would take care of his brother and two sisters ... he did just that. Secondly: One of the ladies I provided care for had only two weeks to go when I met her. She was a tough little thing. She was at home also, she had her IV and would wash herself up and lie in the bed or get up and go lie down on the sofa in the living room ... She was still trying to eat and drink. But could barely swallow a nibble of cracker and sip of tea when she would spit it up and lie down exhausted and a few minutes later she would be up and trying all over again. She really liked her house to be clean. She could really tell a joke. She had reconciled with God she said and had nothing to worry about ... this lady did look thin and sick, but she had had the cancer for quite sometime before going to see the doctor, she had gotten overweight and began losing weight and was so happy about it she let it happen, then she began to feel bad, by that time, it had spread so far the doctor said there was nothing he could do for her except to keep her as comfortable as possible ... when I met her her tumor had grown outside of her abdomen...a tan colored wrinkled mass, nothing so ugly you would think that that was what was taking her life from her ...Thirdly, the next lady I provided care for was completely bedridden. She could do "nothing" for herself. She spoke little English and kept trying to explain how lazy she had been in not learning, but her husband spoiled her and she never felt the need to learn English, now she needed it to communicate with those of us who were caring for her, she had had chemo and had just begun to grow some hair on her head. She also ate and had a strong "looking" body, but could not even turn herself over to her side or back. We had to do it "all" for her ... She would perspire something awful and I would take a towel and hold her head in the crook of my arm, as if hugging her and run it over her head to dry her and she would thank me. At first she was not kind, but as she saw I would do whatever I could for her, she began to appreciate more. She took a liquid form of morphine, which must have tasted something awful ... it had to be mixed in water ... poor thing ... SO TO TELL YOU WHAT TO EXPECT IS DIFFICULT, AS EACH OF US IS DIFFERENT ... TAKE YOUR CUES FROM YOUR MOM, LET HER HAVE AS MUCH DIGNITY AS YOU CAN, ONLY SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS THINKING AND IF SHE IS RELYING ON GOD OR ON HUMANITY. ONLY SHE KNOWS IF SHE IS AFRAID, OR THINKING OF WHAT MIGHT BE AHEAD IN THE NEXT LIFE TO GIVE HER PEACE AND BE FREED FROM PAIN. ONLY SHE KNOWS HOW GOOD OR BAD SHE FEELS ... AND WE MUST LET THEM HAVE THEIR DIGNITY ... I have taken care of people with other kinds of cancers, each so very different ... each person reacting so very differently ... some angry, some accepting, some fighting for every breath, some volunteering and doing as much for others as they can (making up, sometimes for what they had no time to do before), AS I SAID, EACH OF US IS DIFFERENT AND EACH OF US WILL PREPARE OURSELVES DIFFERENTLY... but as far as I can tell, the most important thing for each of them/us IS DIGNITY ... the liver disease is equally as sad. They do lose their appetites there also...and I have met two people who the doctors said would not die from their cancers or liver disease, but of COMPLICATIONS FROM THOSE ILLNESSES ... one could not eat, one developed pneumonia, IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSONS BODY AND WHAT IT CAN TOLERATE AND ALSO ON HOW HARD THEY WISH TO FIGHT TO HANG IN THIS LIFE ... so as I stated, the most important thing is to give your mom all the dignity she deserves and take all your cues from her ... GOD GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR YOUR MOM AND TO HELP HER IN HER JOURNEY ... wish I could be there for you ...

This helps so much. I'm greatful to have your response.

I'm trying to be strong for her. I find myself getting angry at her for not taking care of herself, not going to the dr., not telling me everything. She is getting very difficult and verbally abusive at times. When I'm angry I feel guilty. It's an emotional roller coaster.
She lives with us. It puts a strain on the family too.
I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself and the resentment I feel for having to take care of her at times. I feel overwhelmed. But, even though I have all these feelings, I can't begin to imagine what she is thinking or feeling. I'm starting to see a counselor to help me work out all these feelings. I wish she would go, but she won't.

She did see her gynocologist Friday. He said there is a lot of blood. According to her, he thinks this is a bad bladder infection. He collected a urine specimen. He also did a biopsy of the endometrium. We won't know the results for days. I'm afraid the bleeding is more than an infection. The bleeding is very heavy. Not to be gross, but it could be likened to pouring a can of strawberry soda. I would think an infection that bad would make her much sicker than she is and would end her up in the hospital. Perhaps, the dr. is just giving her the best case scenario, until he know's for sure. I'm very concerned the cancer has spread to the bladder.

She is tired all the time. I have noticed since the bleeding began, she sleeps a lot more, doesn't want to eat. That is scaring me.

Hi, It's me again. I wish I could be there with you. I know how to take care of these people. My Grandmother had Alzheimers Disease and I provided care for her and when she became bedridden I was the only one taking care of her 24/7. If she had not passed on when she did, I was seriously thinking of placing her in a home, I was so truly worn down. But she did not want to be in a home. She wanted to "be" home. So I guess God knew when it was time and she passed on. Not in a pretty, peaceful way either. Everyone dies differently, just as they live differently. I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW AND PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ... OK? ARE YOU READY? "IT'S OK". "EVERYTHING YOU ARE FEELING, IS OK. IT IS NORMAL. IT IS EXPECTED. YOU LOVE HER, YOU FEEL HELPLESS TO PROVIDE FOR HER WHAT , ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE DOES NOT WANT IT." IT SOUNDS TO ME AS IF YOUR MOM HAS MADE UP HER MIND. YOU CANNOT FORCE HER INTO ANYTHING SHE DOES NOT WANT. I TOOK MY GRANDMOTHER FROM DOCTOR TO DOCTOR TO DOCTOR AND FOUND ONE WHO SAID, IF WE DO SUCH AND SUCH, "MAYBE" WE CAN KEEP HER FOR ANOTHER YEAR. BUT IT WAS NOT WHAT MY GRANDMOTHER WANTED. SHE TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES, "I AM GOING NOW" AND I WOULD CRY OUT AND SAY, "NO, DON'T GO. DON'T LEAVE ME. STAY WITH ME MAMA." I WAS SO SELFISH. I DID NOT TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION WHAT SHE WAS FEELING. I KNEW MOSTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH HER PHYSICALLY, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU THIS MUCH, I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STAND WHAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH. I HAVE PROBLEMS NOW, BUT WHAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW SHE DEALT WITH IT. SHE WAS THE STRONGEST LADY I EVER KNEW IN MY LIFE. NEVER HAD A BAD WORD TO SAY TO ANYONE, BUT WHEN SHE WAS IN VERY MUCH PAIN, SHE YELLED AT ME IN SUCH A WAY I CRIED. SHE HAD NEVER SPOKEN HARSHLY TO ME IN MY LIFE. , IT SEEMS TO ME SHE IS ACCEPTING HER FATE AND SHE WANTS TO DO IT QUIETLY IN HER OWN MIND IN HER OWN WAY. JUST GIVE HER THE DIGNITY SHE DESERVES AS I SAID BEFORE. GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS AND "NEEDS", BUT NOT FORCING HER TO DO WHAT SHE CANNOT DEAL WITH ANY LONGER. As far as the bladder condition, I also took care of a lady who did not tell her husband, but showed me her "diapers" she wore and they were saturated with dark blood that had been passing through her bladder. Hers was a severe kidney infection, but she did not want to alarm her husband and waited two days until I got there to tell the doctor. The doctor was upset. She only needed antibiotics but would have been better sooner if she had spoken up. SO WE EACH HAVE OUR REASONS FOR TELLING OR NOT TELLING AND TO SOME OF US IT IS THE JUST THING TO DO AND TO THE REST IT IS UNJUST, But what can we do. It is their decision. The sleeping may be from a combination of all of the things your mom is suffering from. As far as I go, the diabetes can really run you down, the sugar fluctuations are horrible especially when under stress and I believe from what you tell me your mom is under great stress. I ALSO BELIEVE YOUR MOM IS DEPRESSED. THAT WILL CAUSE YOU TO SLEEP ... Now for somemore advice ... do not get mad anymore ... someday you will understand and you will ponder it and will finally tell yourself it was no ones fault. It is something you have not experienced before and all of your emotions are on edge. TAKE CARE OF THE CAREGIVER, because without you she has nothing ... you are the one who will help to make the last times the best of times. My sister-in-laws mother had diabetes and had to have kidney dialysis ... she did not want that. So, she decided to no longer have it. But in doing that, she gave herself 3 to 4 days to live. DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID? SHE THREW A HUGE PARTY. She ate what she wanted, she drank what she wanted, she laughed, and enjoyed all who came. And when she died, she died in peace. WE CANNOT STOP IT FROM HAPPENING, BUT WE CAN CHOOSE TO ENJOY WHAT WE HAVE LEFT OR WALLOW IN SELF-PITY TO THE END. SEEMS TO ME, YOUR MOM IS GETTING UPSET, BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE DOES NOT HAVE A MUCH LONGER LIFE TO LIVE AND WOULD LIKE TO SEE, HEAR, DO, SMELL, EAT, FEEL THINGS THAT ARE PLEASING TO HER. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE HER BE IF SHE ONLY HAS DAYS LEFT, OR WEEKS OR MONTHS OR EVEN YEARS? EVERYTHING YOU ARE TELLING ME, TELLS ME SHE FEELS DOWNRIGHT AWFUL. SHE IS EXHAUSTED. AND NEEDS SOME SMILING FACES AROUND HER. A NICE SHOULDER MASSAGE, A NICE HAIRDO, A MANICURE, A PEDICURE, SOME PAMPERING, IF SHE LIKES THAT. YOU KNOW THE KINDS OF THINGS SHE LIKES, DO THOSE THINGS FOR HER AND TRY TO PUT THE REST ASIDE. IT CANNOT BE CHANGED AND FIND THINGS FOR HER TO ENJOY. A KITTEN, A PUPPY, A PARAKEET??? I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE LIKES, SOFT MUSIC, LOUD MUSIC???? , TALK TO THEM AND ALL CHIP IN AND IGNORE THE "BAD" PARTS CAUSE SHE JUST DOESN'T FEEL WELL AND LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN HER AND CONCENTRATE ON THAT ... GREAT YOU ARE GOING TO COUNSELING. MAKE THINGS HAPPY FOR YOUR FAMILY AND PERHAPS YOUR MOM CAN JOIN IN A SMILE OR TWO. DON'T LOOK ON WHAT "SHE" SHOULD BE DOING, LOOK ON WHAT "SHE" WANTS TO DO AND GIVE HER SUPPORT IN THAT WAY. LET HER DO WHAT MAKES HER FEEL BETTER. Don't let what is happening "scare" you. Believe me, I know it is scary. I have been through it. It still hurts me to this day. It has been 10 years and I cannot go to the cemetery, I start sobbing as soon as I get to the gated entrance ... I know it is painful. I could tell you some stories about painful ... SO BELIEVE ME, I UNDERSTAND, I EMPHATHIZE, I FEEL THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE AND WATCHING THEM FADE AWAY BEFORE MY VERY EYES AND THE HELPLESSNESS ... WHEN MAMA DIED, I WATCHED IT HAPPEN AND I DROPPED TO THE FLOOR AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT WAS A HORRIBLE CIRCUMSTANCE. Sit down and talk all this out with your family. Be sure you know what your mom wants, be sure all her plans are made and her clothes are ready. Even if you have years to go. It takes so much pressure off. And mostly make sure it is what she wants, because you will feel so much better afterwards. Do not be afraid to tell me exactly what you wish...gross is not in my vocabulary when we need to express ourselves in these kinds of situations. OK. I hope I have not been too overly expressive. Let me know if I ever say the wrong thing. ... I will be there for you. Just send me a post and I will get back to you as soon as I can, as long as the computer is working and I can punch in the letters ...

Hi, It's me again. I wish I could be there with you. I know how to take care of these people. My Grandmother had Alzheimers Disease and I provided care for her and when she became bedridden I was the only one taking care of her 24/7. If she had not passed on when she did, I was seriously thinking of placing her in a home, I was so truly worn down. But she did not want to be in a home. She wanted to "be" home. So I guess God knew when it was time and she passed on. Not in a pretty, peaceful way either. Everyone dies differently, just as they live differently. I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW AND PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ... OK? ARE YOU READY? "IT'S OK". "EVERYTHING YOU ARE FEELING, IS OK. IT IS NORMAL. IT IS EXPECTED. YOU LOVE HER, YOU FEEL HELPLESS TO PROVIDE FOR HER WHAT , ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE DOES NOT WANT IT." IT SOUNDS TO ME AS IF YOUR MOM HAS MADE UP HER MIND. YOU CANNOT FORCE HER INTO ANYTHING SHE DOES NOT WANT. I TOOK MY GRANDMOTHER FROM DOCTOR TO DOCTOR TO DOCTOR AND FOUND ONE WHO SAID, IF WE DO SUCH AND SUCH, "MAYBE" WE CAN KEEP HER FOR ANOTHER YEAR. BUT IT WAS NOT WHAT MY GRANDMOTHER WANTED. SHE TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES, "I AM GOING NOW" AND I WOULD CRY OUT AND SAY, "NO, DON'T GO. DON'T LEAVE ME. STAY WITH ME MAMA." I WAS SO SELFISH. I DID NOT TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION WHAT SHE WAS FEELING. I KNEW MOSTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH HER PHYSICALLY, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU THIS MUCH, I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STAND WHAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH. I HAVE PROBLEMS NOW, BUT WHAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW SHE DEALT WITH IT. SHE WAS THE STRONGEST LADY I EVER KNEW IN MY LIFE. NEVER HAD A BAD WORD TO SAY TO ANYONE, BUT WHEN SHE WAS IN VERY MUCH PAIN, SHE YELLED AT ME IN SUCH A WAY I CRIED. SHE HAD NEVER SPOKEN HARSHLY TO ME IN MY LIFE. , IT SEEMS TO ME SHE IS ACCEPTING HER FATE AND SHE WANTS TO DO IT QUIETLY IN HER OWN MIND IN HER OWN WAY. JUST GIVE HER THE DIGNITY SHE DESERVES AS I SAID BEFORE. GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS AND "NEEDS", BUT NOT FORCING HER TO DO WHAT SHE CANNOT DEAL WITH ANY LONGER. As far as the bladder condition, I also took care of a lady who did not tell her husband, but showed me her "diapers" she wore and they were saturated with dark blood that had been passing through her bladder. Hers was a severe kidney infection, but she did not want to alarm her husband and waited two days until I got there to tell the doctor. The doctor was upset. She only needed antibiotics but would have been better sooner if she had spoken up. SO WE EACH HAVE OUR REASONS FOR TELLING OR NOT TELLING AND TO SOME OF US IT IS THE JUST THING TO DO AND TO THE REST IT IS UNJUST, But what can we do. It is their decision. The sleeping may be from a combination of all of the things your mom is suffering from. As far as I go, the diabetes can really run you down, the sugar fluctuations are horrible especially when under stress and I believe from what you tell me your mom is under great stress. I ALSO BELIEVE YOUR MOM IS DEPRESSED. THAT WILL CAUSE YOU TO SLEEP ... Now for somemore advice ... do not get mad anymore ... someday you will understand and you will ponder it and will finally tell yourself it was no ones fault. It is something you have not experienced before and all of your emotions are on edge. TAKE CARE OF THE CAREGIVER, because without you she has nothing ... you are the one who will help to make the last times the best of times. My sister-in-laws mother had diabetes and had to have kidney dialysis ... she did not want that. So, she decided to no longer have it. But in doing that, she gave herself 3 to 4 days to live. DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID? SHE THREW A HUGE PARTY. She ate what she wanted, she drank what she wanted, she laughed, and enjoyed all who came. And when she died, she died in peace. WE CANNOT STOP IT FROM HAPPENING, BUT WE CAN CHOOSE TO ENJOY WHAT WE HAVE LEFT OR WALLOW IN SELF-PITY TO THE END. SEEMS TO ME, YOUR MOM IS GETTING UPSET, BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE DOES NOT HAVE A MUCH LONGER LIFE TO LIVE AND WOULD LIKE TO SEE, HEAR, DO, SMELL, EAT, FEEL THINGS THAT ARE PLEASING TO HER. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE HER BE IF SHE ONLY HAS DAYS LEFT, OR WEEKS OR MONTHS OR EVEN YEARS? EVERYTHING YOU ARE TELLING ME, TELLS ME SHE FEELS DOWNRIGHT AWFUL. SHE IS EXHAUSTED. AND NEEDS SOME SMILING FACES AROUND HER. A NICE SHOULDER MASSAGE, A NICE HAIRDO, A MANICURE, A PEDICURE, SOME PAMPERING, IF SHE LIKES THAT. YOU KNOW THE KINDS OF THINGS SHE LIKES, DO THOSE THINGS FOR HER AND TRY TO PUT THE REST ASIDE. IT CANNOT BE CHANGED AND FIND THINGS FOR HER TO ENJOY. A KITTEN, A PUPPY, A PARAKEET??? I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE LIKES, SOFT MUSIC, LOUD MUSIC???? , TALK TO THEM AND ALL CHIP IN AND IGNORE THE "BAD" PARTS CAUSE SHE JUST DOESN'T FEEL WELL AND LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN HER AND CONCENTRATE ON THAT ... GREAT YOU ARE GOING TO COUNSELING. MAKE THINGS HAPPY FOR YOUR FAMILY AND PERHAPS YOUR MOM CAN JOIN IN A SMILE OR TWO. DON'T LOOK ON WHAT "SHE" SHOULD BE DOING, LOOK ON WHAT "SHE" WANTS TO DO AND GIVE HER SUPPORT IN THAT WAY. LET HER DO WHAT MAKES HER FEEL BETTER. Don't let what is happening "scare" you. Believe me, I know it is scary. I have been through it. It still hurts me to this day. It has been 10 years and I cannot go to the cemetery, I start sobbing as soon as I get to the gated entrance ... I know it is painful. I could tell you some stories about painful ... SO BELIEVE ME, I UNDERSTAND, I EMPHATHIZE, I FEEL THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE AND WATCHING THEM FADE AWAY BEFORE MY VERY EYES AND THE HELPLESSNESS ... WHEN MAMA DIED, I WATCHED IT HAPPEN AND I DROPPED TO THE FLOOR AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT WAS A HORRIBLE CIRCUMSTANCE. Sit down and talk all this out with your family. Be sure you know what your mom wants, be sure all her plans are made and her clothes are ready. Even if you have years to go. It takes so much pressure off. And mostly make sure it is what she wants, because you will feel so much better afterwards. Do not be afraid to tell me exactly what you wish...gross is not in my vocabulary when we need to express ourselves in these kinds of situations. OK. I hope I have not been too overly expressive. Let me know if I ever say the wrong thing. ... I will be there for you. Just send me a post and I will get back to you as soon as I can, as long as the computer is working and I can punch in the letters ...