What is Trichotillomania Hair Pulling
Trichotillomania (TTM) or "trich" is an impulse control disorder characterised by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, beard hair, nose hair, pubic hair, eyebrows o...
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New here and wanting to help my daughter
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hello
my daughter has had trich for 3 years, in the area we live there is little to no support as it is "new" to the health care people we have been seeing for the past 3 years. We were told that it was alopecia areata, possibly lupus, hair loss happens after an illness (she has asthma, and allergies) ect ect, the list is endless. FINALLY, after waiting 3 years to see this doctor, he looked at my daughter and said she suffers from trich. That was IT, in and out of his office in less than 15 minutes. I am looking for help and enouragement with trich. I read up on it all the time, yet I still feel like I know nothing about it. She has been to see the phys's already, nothing has been prescribed. SHe does good for a while where her hair will all grow back and then poof all gone in a week. I have asked her why she pulls and she feels comfortable talking to me why she does it when she does it, her feelings at the time ect. Her answers are 1. She gets mad (if she has to do her chores, do homework, take a bath, ect, you know all the fun stuff you HAVE to do when you are 12, lol) 2. She is scared to go to bed because she'll have a bad dream (this is after she has watched a horror show after a sleep over at a friends) 3. She is stressed out about a test at school 4. She says she doesn't know why I know that all of these reasons are perfectly logical to her, and these things do bother her. I try my best as a mother to be supportive and help her through these times. This past 2 weeks has been rough for her. I know it bothers her when she does this and I know she doesn't like to do this to herself, it's killing me as a mother to watch her do this, I wish I could just wave a magic wand over and her prevent this but I can't. We cry about her sucess's and we cry about the missing hair, and we tell eachother that tomorrow is a new day, but yet there doesn't seem to be much hope. I love my daughter with all my heart, and I want to see her happy and confident when she leaves home. She wears a headband to school every day, and now the headbands are getting bigger and bigger, I want to protect my daughter from the teasing that goes on at school, but I can't. I know that ulitmately this decision to stop pulling has to be hers. Where do I go from here? I am desperately looking for answers, and I know that my daughter will love coming to this site for support and enouragement. My question to you all is, should I stop being so consumed with trich?? Could my concerns be making her want to pull more? Maybe I am too over bearing?? What did you find your parents and family members did that actually helped you? and what did you find they did that made it worse? I appologize for such a long first entry, thank you for reading as far as you did, even typing this has helped me today. thanks Posted on 04/26/08, 03:04 pm |
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You are doing good to educate yourself and you are being supportive.
Just don't put her down or tell her to "just stop it!" If it was that easy we all would have done it by now. It is so frustrating to not be able to control your own hands. She pulls when she feels negative emotions, those are causing her to stress or bring on anxiety. 1) She is just going to learn to deal with doing chores. Explain that you are not using them to punish her but to help you around the house and for her to learn to do these things for herself for the day she grows up and has a home of her own. It's a part of life and becoming mature. 2) Limit horror movies until she is older and is able to process the images and separate real from fantasy. When my daughter was younger and would get upset by them I just told her that they were ppl in halloween costumes and that they would be ok after the movie was over. I would be sure she watched something lighter after the scary movie to kinda push that one to the back of her mind so it wasn't the last thing she was thinking about when she went to bed. You can't say NO scary movies at all because they need to learn to deal with those kinds of emotions. 3) Ask her if the subject has gotten harder this 6 weeks (or how ever your school system breaks it down) and if that is why she is stressing about the test. Ask if she needs help studying. Tell her that she doesn't have to be perfect just to do the best that she can. 4) We tend to "boredom" pull. We zone out in front of the TV, while reading or while falling asleep. The Trich somehow becomes a comfort routine and this is the hardest part of it to break or at least it was for me. I'm going to bump up a post on Stop Pulling Tips. Both of you read thru them and see if any appeal to her. They are aimed at keeping your hands busy and away from the areas you pull from. If you can get her to recognize her triggers (cause of why she pulls) and either talk to you about them or maybe keep a journal and let it out and use the tips to keep her hands busy she will have a very good chance of keeping the Trich under control. Best Wishes ((HUGS)) 
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I agree that educating yourself is the most important thing you can do to help your daughter. There is alot of helpful info here as well as other places (the Trichotillomania Learning Center Website has alot of info).
Try to be supportive and caring towards your daughter. Punishment and guilt tripping her will not work (if it did most of us would have stopped pulling years ago). Good luck
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You mentioned in your post that these reasons for pulling 'seem logical to her'. I doubt they seem any more logical to her than they do to you or than they do to any of us!!! There's nothing logical about it, so you may drive yourself nuts trying to make it 'make sense'. I do think that I am worse when I put too much emphasis on it. For myself, I have to keep it more low key, and just have other behaviors in place and available to me for when I need to pull. You don't want this to become 'her identity' so to speak.
Best thing you can do is try to help her find 'substitute behaviors' for when she is stressing. We're definitely 'in your corner' and you are a great mom for seeking a solution so actively.
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iv had trich 4 nearly 30yrs and as yet, i still hvnt told my mum. its not that i dnt want her 2 no, its jst that i know she wud end up smotherin me with her concern and she wud also make a huge issue out of it n thats the last thing i want. its good that ur daughter feels so comfortable talkin 2 u about it, it shows ur doin somethin right!!
i hv recently told my husband and my 8yr old son. they've both been amazingly supportive. now we only talk about it when i want 2 and its not made in2 a huge drama. my son decided it wasnt 2 b called trich nemore, he renamed it 'bob'. its kind of put a lighter side 2 situation, my son often asks in passin, 'hows bob 2day?'. if my hands start 2 wonder, instead of them hvin 2 pull them down, i get comments like 'i see bobs here'. it makes me smile bcoz it sounds funny and makes me aware of wot im doin. ur daughter is lucky 2 hv a mum who wants 2 understand y she does it. keep up the good work xxx
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