Transgender Support Group

OMG, your whole life MUST FEEL like it's crumbling away!! I wish I could take away your agonizing pain, and I won't even try to say that I understand what you're going through. But....know that I have great empathy for you and can feel your pain. And....you are not alone. keep coming back to DS and you'll find the help you need to make sense of your chaotic world. ((((((((hugs)))))))))

Thank you... yes, I do feel like my life is crumbling away beneath me. It really sucks. His psychiatrist has asked him not to call me, so I can have some space, but to this day he has not done this. I hate this.

I cannot even begin to tell you that I understand how you're feeling because the truth is, I don't. I'm male, however, I've been having some identity issues. Not completely sure of stuff yet, but I'm working on it. Sarah, no matter what your husband decides to do he will always be your husband. I read an article from Oprah about transgendered families and one lady said "The person I married didn't change, just the packaging." Keep in mind that it's still your husband. Gender issues are extremely difficult to deal with and I know you will feel like you can't go on but the best support you can give him at this point is an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. At this point, you have to be the stronger one of the relationship because as he deals with this, it will literally break him down. Your marriage may suffer but I hope it still stay together, especially if you have kids. I don't know how long you have been married or any other information but I do know that it's not impossible to work through this. You can do it. You may feel alone but many, many other families are going through the same thing. Keep in mind that transgenderism is somewhat of a disorder. It's an embalance in the brain...basically a woman in a man's body. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's gay either. Sexual preference deals with who you are attracted to; however, gender identity deals with who you (or your husband) are. You husband may be 100% straight, however, he feels his was born into the wrong body. Just give him as much support as you can and I would highly suggest marriage counceling. Don't let your marriage wether away. Stay strong. Please keep me updated.

-Chase

Here is the link to the article from Oprah that I was refering to. Please give it a read :)

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/2...

My husband wants to transition completely, and I too and really struggling to find what I am comfortable with and what I am not and how I can support him without sacrificing my dreams and the life I wanted before all of this came up. If you want to talk, I am here. The only real advice I have, is to be as open and honest as possible with your husband and to encourage him to do the same. It is hard for them to do that, because of the shame and guilt, but you deserve no less. And thank you chase for the oprah link.

i had to reply because i'm on the flip side of that, although i don't think i have ever left anyone i was with in the dark for very long (once i knew exactly what was going on).... it's been a rough struggle for me and my wife...VERY rough. She is actually on this site as well (never posts-she's too shy :P)

Anyway, All the pain and depression he is/was going through is probably harder than what u are now going through. I know that may sound insensitive, but i'm not trying to be. It's just that he has been torturing himself with this for a LONG time, longer than he may even realize (been there). As far as his shrink telling him not to call you is redicuous, that should be your call, not his. Your hubby needs support, ALOT, and if you can't give it to him, he needs to find a support group that is more open than his shrink.

I feel for you as well, i know it's not hard, as I said, my wife and i haven't had all happy times since i told her, be we love each other very VERY much and are working through things as best we can.

Good luck
M

maybe this ill help maybe not..
I m a bp women that is married to someone that is confused but is a crossdresser and transvestite..
I too struggle alot..
So i do know where your coming from.. It not all fun..
I think that some of these comments were rude..
I know what bp does to a relationship its harder then tg..
I been there alot.. I have had bp for 5 years that i know of..
it runs in my family so i been dealing with it for almost 24 years..

I find that transgender is easier and i m not saying that is in the emotional sense.. But bp and trans that would be way hard on anybody.. Dont feel guily for setting your boundries..
I dont know how long you been married but it seems to me that the bp alone is taking its toll then to add this.. Whoa.. I dont know how i would have handled that..

NO amount of oprah shows will help you..

Couples counseling and individual is the only thing that might..
Also looking for a soffa group will help too.. Soffa is wives of crossdressers or trans partners.
There is a cdso on yahoo. that might be a start cause some of the files in there helped me which I had known about it earlier..

Alot changes with trans partners. There manurisms, speaking such as tonation, role reversal so to speak, clothing and yes there privates..


But if your not comfortable with it than thats ok.. Its all to new to make a really good desicon on this.. Take baby steps and see what you can live with..
the best book i m reading is head over heels its based on all types of couples from cd to ts to transgender..

They are all real couples who have found what works for them..

but to expect one partner to be the stronger one when they are already stretched thin by the stress of bp is wrong..
Take it steps at a time..A day at a time..

Hugs

I hope this helps you... Read my journals if you like..
or message me..

You ll find that i too struggled at first i did make guildlines and we do try and talk alot..

Remember that there should be couple time..But you also need some me time too..Especially with the other stuff going on..
Its only understandable..

So go slow and dont be afraid to say what you are and what you arent liking.. Cause some can only go so far with their comfort level..Some go above and beyond that..

just remember we are all individuals and its not going to be easy. Its a journey.

Well, I found out the same thing recently. Mine was transitioning behind my back (taking hormones, growing boobs, removing hair, dressing up, etc.).

It was all a shock to me. I found out on my own and also found he was involved with someone else. Very devastating.

All I know that for me it is entirely too much. I may not be able to stop loving him in some ways, but it has destroyed our romantic life. I mean sexually, I want a man in every way and I could never play into his fantasies. We are both christian and so it doesn't line up at all with any of our beliefs, in fact it is in violation of about 6 of the ten commandments if only he could admit that. But he is slowly begining to see the other side of things and not just his own selfish desires to change what the good thing God made which is a man.

Anyway, I am divorcing my husband. I want you to know that my life of 14 years with my husband has been absolute hell. I carried the burden of his secret all these years as he cross-dressed from time to time and I would catch him. I have never endorsed any of this behavior.

As the wife you end up having this stigma attached to you that he brought into the marriage. It's either completely in contrast with your moral fiber or it is not. Certainly there are marriages for which the couple really digs this, but to me that looks very one sided and I know first-hand how selfish these men are.

I am in a support group for women who are hurt by their husband's cross-dressing and related behaviors and beliefs, you can find it on yahoo groups if you search for it. It's for christians.

I hate divorce, but realize what I have to do now in order to have peace in my life. Also, his behavior lead him to be careless with our children. He emailed this freak he met online that turns men to women a picture of our son made up for a play (in full makeup) and told her/him he would like our son b/c he was "pretty" and there were other references to my son being feminine. Very disturbing. They also talked about sexual things like how he could have anal sex and anal play and be the woman by using anal toys with a woman (not me of course). He was told what to wear by this woman and did whatever she said, he even sent her pictures of himself dressed up and stuff.

He was growing his hair long with a goal of like an 8 inch ponytail and also he had a goal of 38 B breasts. So gross!

To simply say the packaging has changed is to so understate the situation. Your whole life is turned upside down and you have to carry a secret that is so painful.

This was a secret he kept until we were married about a year. Then he denied that the crossdressing desires he expressed to me were even real, and said it was all new. As the years went by the truth slowly emerged and the bombshell here recently he told me he wants and always wanted to be a girl.

Now there is help for men who would like to stop these feelings as it does cause them great dispair. My husband is in contact with those ministries and it is lead by people who have walked in his "heels". So, I am hopeful he will find peace without going through with the transition. As for us, it is over.

Good luck with your life. I would sum up my advice very succintly, leave now before you ever have kids. If you have kids, leave now anyway.