Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is any sudden and unexplained death of an apparently healthy infant aged one month to one year. The term cot death is sometimes used in the Unit...
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it gets easy vs. it becomes manageable
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I have yet to find that losing a child has become easy to deal with. Tomorrow I should be saying happy 10 month birthday to my Nicholas. There is nothing easy at all about knowing that here is another month's birthday that I won't be able to wish him. He's been gone nearly 9 months now, nothing easy about that either. Nothing easy about getting emails from friends with babies around Nick's age telling me stories of teething, crawling and walking. Although I am just over 4 months from having another baby, there is nothing easy about knowing what I got robbed out of with my Nicholas. People think it must be easier since I am pregnant again, so now they want to tell me stories of their babies, it still hurts like hell. Knowing in 2 months that his first birthday is going to be here, yet there is no Nick demolishing his cake. There is nothing easy about this and I think anyone who uses the word EASY needs to rethink what they are saying.
What I have found in the last almost 9 months since losing my sweet Nicholas is that it does become manageable. Finding that manageable place is a choice. As much as I want to pull the blankets over my head and wish everyone would just go away, I can't. Do I still have my moments where I feel like I am back at day one of this, all the time. I know Nick wants me to be happy, so I try and even sometimes struggle for this. Some days I fight to find the joy. I know there are little miracles every day in this world and what I have found is if I spend more time looking for those and celebrating them it makes me less sad. So being 9 months into this, no it doesn't get easy whatsoever...but I manage. Posted on 07/23/08, 02:07 pm |
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I havent got over my son Josh's death and he died in 2005. You end up moving on with things that need to be done and go through the motions. IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME, everytime I stop being busy. then I feel horrible because it felt like I forgot him even though I didnt. IT was 3 years on the 24th that he died. I say it gets easier to deal with sometimes, I have nightmares on his birthday and D day every year. I think about him everytime I have a free minute. sometimes it is a happy memory sometimes not the point is, I cant do anything about his dying now. All I can do is make it easier for the family he left so suddenly. If that means grieving on and off for the rest of my life so be it. In my opinion easy and manageable are pretty much the same. I really couldnt manage right after his death or even 9 months after. I didnt think it would ever get easier to handle. It does though, I talk to him. I go to his grave, I make sure that noone in my family EVER forgets who he was. Life tries to move on so you can heal but if we dont move with it, It'll never get any better, easier,manageable, bareable.... take your pick of words. I am sooo sorry for your loss, and I know exactly how you feel but 3 years later I can tell you I still think and cry sometimes for my Josh. Dont let it consume you. Your baby wouldnt want that if he could talk and tell you. 
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Thanks Kasey!
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I agree that we do need to appreciate the ones around us some more. I think it takes some time to realize this after such a loss. I use to cry myself to sleep thinking of the day when my mother would be gone; she will be turning 80 years old this year. Nowadays I don’t even think about crying about the possibility of losing her anymore. Now, I am just thinking that I should start spending more time with her while she is still here on earth. One thing I have always been grateful for is for having my daughter, even after Daniel died, I think she helped me thru it. I remember thinking that she was a survivor and how lucky I was that she is still here with me.
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No it does'nt get easier, I think we learn Acceptance. When I'm at work I have to change my attitude, I have to pretend to be happy & help people. And some times I smile & laugh & it feels good. But then the wave hits & im sad again. I keep praying for Peace & Acceptance. It's ok to have a ok - good day, cuz the waves will hit you when they want & Knock you down. It's up to us to keep getting up. As far as tomorrow goes Ill be in court Childern ser. in trying to take my grandson Jacob away because of Laney passing. OMG its a long story but I'm going to keep my chin up. Lets all try to have a ok 1/2 of day aleast. Nite all & Thanks for all of your help, you ladies are great, MeMa Barb
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Mema,
Darlin I so understand what you are saying about work!!!! I drive to work feeling dazed, trudge through another day and my ride home is when I lose it. The radio that time of day is the enemy......songs that just get me going! I am so sorry for all the pain affecting you and your family, HUGS!
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