Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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Why Is This Info Needed???
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Some of you know me, some of you don't. I mostly post replies and never post a topic. However, after the latest email my DH and I received from the ex, I felt compelled to ask opinions.
Here's a quick back history to our situation: My DH is active duty Air Force, we live 1,200 miles away from my SS. DH has shared custody, with physical placement being granted to the ex. DH has scheduled, court ordered visitation with his son, for every other Christmas (even years), every Easter (spring break), and 7 weeks of the summer, starting 2 weeks after school ends, to 2 weeks before school begins. If we wish to see him at any other time (except for family emergencies), we must give the ex 30 days advance notice (and vice versa), so that we can come to an agreement. The ex and my SS live in my hometown, so we visit my family when there at Christmas, Easter and summer drop-off. We share summer traveling expenses, she brings him to us and we deliver him to her (this is in the court order). The ex knows how the military world operates (i.e. OPSEC Operational Security and PERSEC Personal Security), as she was married to my DH for 12 yrs and has since re-married to another active duty Air Force member. When a military member gets ready to deploy, they are not allowed to tell anyone where they are going, when they are leaving, and when they will be back. Not even approximate dates and times are allowed. I get to know, but I am sworn to secrecy and can not even tell my own family/friends, to maintain the rules of OPSEC and PERSEC, as stated above. Regular phone lines, cell phones, email and snail mail are not safe to use. Any lines of communication are only allowed in person. This is to protect the military member who is deploying and protect those that are already there. The ex is well aware of these rules and regs. Yet she still wants info to be given. Here is what she had to say: J, E told us tonight that you were coming here for Halloween. Just verifying. Also, in regards to your trip, may I have approx. dates that you are going and coming back... I'm not asking for specifics here, but it would be nice to have some kind of time frame (ex. mid-whatever to end of whenever would be fine). L O.K.... So, number 1: She knows that my DH can not just pop into my homestate whenever he wishes and expect to keep his son while we are there. He MUST give 30 days notice to her and work out the details beforehand. Number 2: Even giving approximate dates is forbidden. She was already told, in person, that DH wouldn't be around for X, X, and X, and that I would let her know when DH arrives at his destination. She also knows where he is going, again being told in person. Knowing the approx dates that my DH will be gone, doesn't help her parent their child. It doesn't disrupt my SS's schooling or life, in any way. To me, it's a case of Need To Know and she most certainly doesn't. Even being vague about dates, can give the watching enemy fuel to start more terror on our troops. Any opinions? Thanks for listening and reading a long post. I appreciate it! Posted on 10/06/08, 02:10 pm |
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Okay, so just tell her that you can't give her that information. And remind her that you do know the terms of the custody. You will give her the 30days. And leave it there. She will have to adjust any arrangements she may make around you when she finds out.
She just sounds as though she is trying to be manipulative and controlling. Don't let her get to you. Play by the rules and there's not a damn thing she can do. Good luck. I'm so glad I don't have an ex to deal with. 
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Dragonlily, the ex knows that we are unable to give that kind of info out, via any other menas, but in person. Which we did do, over the summer. She's been a military wife for going on 16 years now. 12 to my DH and almost 4 to her new military man. We never had any intention of seeing my SS for Halloween.
Thanks for the opinion. I just hope that DH will listen, as I feel the same way. Just wanted to see what others' may think about it too. Yes, the ex does try to be controlling!
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Dragonlily, the ex knows that we are unable to give that kind of info out, via any other means, but in person. Which we did do, over the summer. She's been a military wife for going on 16 years now. 12 to my DH and almost 4 to her new military man. We never had any intention of seeing my SS for Halloween.
Thanks for the opinion. I just hope that DH will listen, as I feel the same way. Just wanted to see what others' may think about it too. Yes, the ex does try to be controlling!
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Does he have regular phone contact or email contact with the child? Sounds like she is just being nosey but it could be part of it if he calls on certain evenings or whatever.
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lant, DH does have regular phone contact. He calls his son every other day. The ex knows this, as that is how it has been, for over 2 years now. As far as the deployment goes, there is never any guarantee, that my DH will be able to keep that routine going once he reaches his duty station. Daily, every other day, or even weekly phone calls are not always a certainty. I don't think that is why she wants to know.
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I would just quote the regulation back to her.
Or lie. If she tries to call you on it say the orders must have changed. She'll tire of the game.
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Thanks OrangeCounty! DH emailed back last night. He told her (ex), that the info she received back in August was all that he could/would give her. He told her, that terrorists can get 85-95% of their info from un-classified sources and pieced together info.
DH told me, that maybe she wanted the info to make a chart for his son to follow and track the days that Dad will be gone. If he was younger, I would have been all for this, but he is almost 11 yrs old. The ex treats him like a 2 yr old enough as it is. I feel as though she just wants to be nosey and controlling of our lives. Fortunately, my H doesn't let her get away with it.
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Maybe I'm in a bad spot to be answering, but since your SSBM is similar to mine, it very well maybe that she is asking for the info to get DH introuble either with the military or with his son for "failing" him or whatever. I would just say point, blank "You are fully aware that I am not able to provide you with that information" and leave it at that.
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Thanks Purple. Yep! That's pretty much what the SSBM got told. Funny thing is, she was told the same info twice, in person. She has since emailed us with the same questions, 3 times. Everytime, we've given her the same answers. It truly boggles the mind. *sigh*
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