Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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Is it time to move on from all of them????
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I raised my three step kids(19,17,14) for the last nine years after their bio mom died. We also have one bio child 10 years old. My STBX has been having an affair for the last 2 years while living out of state going to college. Now his lover is moving in trying to win over my step kids and they are becoming distant and indifferent to me. My 19 year old will barely speak to me regardless of repeated attempts. Should I just divorce him and take my youngest daughter and run??? Or do I continue to subject myself to this in hopes or repairing relationship with step kids?? Any advice will help I know its confusing....
Posted on 09/11/08, 12:09 pm |
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Wow....sorry for this situation. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Plus your biological child whom you have a responsibility to. You can't force the situation with the step kids and why would you want to?? They might come around when they mature...they might not. If your bio child wants to still see her step siblings ....all you can do is try for their sake. But....I would not force a continuing relationship with them. You've done enough....why continue to bang your head against the wall? They've made their choice right now and they are seeing their Dad's side.....and don't want to seem as though they are siding with you by furthering a relationship with you when their Dad has ended it. 
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First I'll remind you that a step parent has zero authority. No visitation, no nothing. Although I'm sure someone here can quote some step mothers case who after a long legal battle won some rights.
As a matter of practically all you can do is make yourself available to them. All of the step kids are approaching a natural desire to pull away from parents. Don't assume they're doing it just to you. In fact, with teens, you may maintain a better relationship down the line by not being invasive in their lives. By taking a high road you will most likely find that the kids will recognize the new girlfriends friendliness to be little more than a tool to get close to their father. As the luster of the relationship wears off both the kids and girlfriend will discover that their relationship doesn't have the shine it once did. When that happens you can be there. And if you do lose contact over time maybe they were never yours anyway.
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Thank you both for your advice, it is brilliant...I don't know why I couldn't figure this out on my own but the two of you helped me so much....thank you times a hundred!!!!
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No real advice just can relate to your situation. I have helped raise step-children for 6 yrs. Ages 14, 13, 11, and 9. Just sent a note to my sister wondering why am I even here. See, we have very different ideas of how children should be raised. It seems I believe in being a parent and discipline and he just wants to be their buddy. These teenage years are already beginning to wear on me. I`m not so sure how long I`ll be able to endure if I have basically no say in their conduct. Thanks for letting me vent!
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