Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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Am I crazy??????
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I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs...the two of us have a great relationship and truly love each other. He is a sweetheart and the kindest person I've ever known.
He has an ex-wife whom is mentally ill and is an alcoholic, bulimic, anorexic and a serious liar. They have 3 kids...age 14, 12 and 9. They share 50/50 custody. The 14 yo is a girl who also is bipolar and has borderline personality just like her mother. It was HELL until she was diagnosed. The ex pulls all kinds of stunts....she has been arrested for drunken driving with all 3 kids in the car and lost custody of them for 8 mos temporarily. I helped my BF thru this situation and was there for the kids thru this as well. The middle child a boy has been showing signs of mental illness with extreme anger, moodiness. Even attacked his sister and mother the other day. It's so easy to see this situation clearly for me...I'm also an RN. I feel like my BF lives in denial about his kids behavior and that they need help. It took a year of me telling him that there was a problem with his daughter before she was taken for an evaluation. It was let go until she was threatening suicide. Now I've been begging him for a year to take his son for an evaluation since it is so evident there is a problem. He broke my BF toe last week and attacked his mother and detached her retina 2 days ago. Still no appointment!! I'm am so sick of dealing with these messed up kids and this mess of a mother who pawns the kids off any chance she gets. I really love my BF with all my heart and he is so good to me...anyone else have a situation like this?? Posted on 09/10/08, 06:09 am |
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My husband denies that there is anything wrong with his son. I have tried to get him to take him to the doc as well. He will not take him and his ex will not take him. I think he is bipolar. It has definitly caused problems between us. I sounds like you really love your bf...but don't stay with him out of guilt. You have a life to think about too. You have to decide if this is what you really want to deal with for the rest of your life...because kids never really leave...they will always be in your life. Good luck! 
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Wow, he is in denial! I think you should push the issue but not say there is a problem with the kid but suggest the child is angry and maybe talking to someone would make him feel better.
I'm in the process of doing this now with my ex husband. My son acts out a lot and I don't think its normal. He has anger issues. Not as severe was your BF's son, but if things keep going this way, it might. My ex is not very supportive of it but I tell him - what can it hurt? Maybe it will make him feel better. So I try to make it all positive. What was it that you did to get the daughter help? Maybe try that for the son as well. Good luck - I feel for the child who might have more hope if he gets treatment! Remind BF of that too...
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Your in for a long ride. I think your bf is freaking out a bit. If his ex is nuTz and his kids are acting strange too. He probably doesnt want to acknowledge it because he could lose you. Think that is a possiblity? My sd has behaviour problems-depression-just like biomom.......Its been hell. My husband thinks she is just sensitve and a teenager...Ummm. She needs medication.She has threatened suicide..we did get her counseling..it has done pretty much ZERO to help her..she needs meds along with it, but he doesnt believe in medication!!!!! He is gone alot and I AM the one who has to live with her........Not a good situation. Biomom just mothers from the computer and text messaging.
Anyways.........this sounds like a hard life which you are choosing. If bf doesnt want help for his kids.......You need to rethink your position and decide if this is the kind of life to live. Your not married yet. Good luck.
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Thanks for all of your replies....I so appreciate the food for thought and the advice!
I have put some boundaries intact his son who is becoming more and more physically aggressive. Instead of my asking and begging for hi to be taken to be seen by a psychiatrist...I told him that his son was no longer welcome in my home nor would I be around him until he gets some help. I think my BF was stunned by this....but it removes my constant stress of when is he going to be evaluated and receive help. If I'm not around the child....I really don't care as much as this point. This is his problem to deal with not mine. His son...his problem.
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Your last Post hit on your only option short of getting out of the family completely.
Any kid that is a danger to himself or others is not allowed near you. A detached retna is lesson enough. If your boyfriend is not going to listen and take seriously a RN's advise on this he deserves to handle it alone. Not as punishment. I understand his reluctance to accept that a problem exists. Its just that its a waste of your time. And it'll take him longer to see it anyway. Like trying to teach a pig to sing. It won't work and irritates the pig. With you backing away you're telling him the problem is unsolveable in the direction its going and he's on his own. With luck he'll look to you for advise and listen.
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