Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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Im going to do what I want, F.U. step son attitude
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My step son is 13, has ALOT of mental problems, border line retarded, has adhd and has asberger.
Every time he goes to his dads house he has his dads attitude. Screw you, Im going to do what I want anyway, Im the boss arround here you WILL do what I say and when I say it. Hes abussive to animals, I have never seen him say anything nice or respectfull to his sister,,,, NEVER. Makes himself the decision maker of the house and dose everything he can to PISS OFF EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE including me and his mom. His social worker is about to pull him from the home becouse he refusses to listen, refuses to do his chores, pick from his list to do when he gets angary, refuses to do push ups for his consaquences and hits and kicks the animals when hes mad. He dosnt belive a word we say and will assume were wrong and do what he wants even after being threatened by his social worker of removal from the home, he still dosnt care about anyone but himself. He whines, complains, starts fights and bitches more than an old lady about anything and everything, like when we tell him to do something,,,, his leg hurts or he has a headache or just comes right out and says hes not going to do it becouse he dosnt want to. Hes not going to do it becouse someone needs to wait on him all the time. Do what he says to do. It's bullshit and Im about to puch the living shit out of him and his mom says that will probobly do him good. He needs someone to show him the way hes going is going to lead to that. His dad hits him all the time and dosnt want jack shit to do with him becouse hes retarded and has the mental capability of a 6 year old and the hormone level of a 13 year old with multiple molestations on him and him acting out on others. Thats another story and its just a mess. Is there anything I or we could do to him to straighten his bullying, demanding, I dont give a fuck attitude up??????? Is there anyone that has experienced anything like this and what do I do about this? Im about to through him through the living room window to make a point hes going to get this from me or someone on the street that will kill him. Were all tired of him and something needs to be done. He has an appointment tomarrow with his social worker AND the lady in charge of his compleate sych, meds and sosial work case. This will hopfully help but like every time B4,,,, I doubt it. Posted on 08/25/08, 01:08 am |
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If there is physical abuse at his dad's I am a little confused to why he continues to go there. Until he is apart from that I am afriad you will not see any improvement. And you really answered your own question, he has a 6 yr old mentality with 13 yr old hormones... He is so angry and confused and because of dad's negative influence he doesn't know what to do, on top of that subconsciously he might even blame you and his mom for allowing him to go somewhere that he is abused. He might feel like you don't care about him so why should he do what you say. Plus if Dad hits him all the time what makes you think it will HELP him if you do it? Sounds to me like he needs love and attention and a lot of it. Not to mention counseling for the abuse and molestation. 
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My wife's first born had problems which grew into the same attitude as a teen.
He simply did what he wanted to do although he did accept the punishment it didn't change anything. He ended up in a group home for troubled kids and stole a van. They threw him out of course and he was in the juvenile system for awhile. I asked him later what effect the punishments had on his thinking and he said nothing. He knew if he just accepted the punishment he would be set "free" again and he could do what he wanted. He left his wife with an infant daughter and was rarely heard from again being he was ducking the child support police. From what you're describing only a locked facility is going to work for now. What if the next thing he decides to do is push some kids buggy and infant into traffic?
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I understand that you are frustrated but you do not sound that much calmer than the abusive father when you say things like that. It sounds to me like the child is in a bad situation with his dad AND with you guys. Does anyone have compassion for this kid? I know that it is hard to live with a mentally handicapt child but you sound like he is just a burden to you (which you and your wife would perfer wasn't there). Perhaps the social worker needs to remove the child from the home. It sounds like everyone would be better off.
I get upset about my step kids (one of who sounds similar to yours) but anger does not help with anything at all. Calm, maturity is the only thing that will help this situation.
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First off 'BREATHE'
I have gone threw what you are now experiencing, it is not easy and I give you all the credit in the world. My son was 9 at the time. My first step of action was to not let visitation occur with birthfather without suppervision that I approved of. Second, the social worker I had was awesome and helped me in this. Also when son was uncontrollable, I called the worker who them put him in Juv and though it took about a year for son to get the point. No change that is for the better occurs quickly. My son made a drastic change in his life and although he still gets manic, he is learning to work through it. My son who is now 17 has bipolar, ADHD w/violent tendencies, and ODD. Patience.Patience.Patience.Patience. you will be a better person for it and referred to as a saint:)
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