Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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BM doesn't want me around
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My husband did cheat on me 3 weeks ago (we were separated for a month) with his BM. Now BM doesn't want their son around me. She has become bitter because he came back to me. Now all of a sudden she doesn't trust me. I have heard my husband tell her I'm not mad at her and he has expressed to her that I do a lot for their son. She knows that he has spent a lot of time with me alone and I plan all the activities but why should I be punished for something they did? I'm trying not to hate her for keeping him away but its hard that she won't grow up. She said that he has said that I am mean. Which to him as a 3 yr old mean is me setting rules and standards because his mom gives him no rules or standards to follow at home. She has never before expressed this to us until my husband came back home. My question is what do I do now? I'm extremely hurt because I dearly love my step-son and treat as if he were my own. When we were going to get a divorce I even asked him if I could still see him just because I have an attachment to him. Now when we do get to see each other eventually, we have to start our relationship over again. And I'm scared he may view me as the bad one.
Posted on 08/15/08, 12:08 pm |
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I guess I'm not understanding why the BM is upset with you? I guess its embarrassment. She did you wrong and she has the nerve to be mad at you. That doesn't make any sense.
I think you have to ignore her. You do have to have a relationship with her because of your step son but you don't have to be best friends. Everything that has to do with your step son should go through your H. There really shouldn't be to many reason for you two to even talk. Of course your step son is going to think you are mean. You have rules that he has to follow and if his BM doesn't have rules you are going to be mean in his eyes. Don't worry, he will get past it. Its a normal kid thing. If you plan to work on your marriage and you and your H plan to make it work, then thats where your attentions should be. Leave the mess with the EX in the past. Thats where it should be. Move forward. I know how hard it can be but you can do it. You are a woman and we women have strength that men cant even understand. You are a powerful. Use your power. You can get through this. If you want to chat just drop me a line. I hope I helped a little. 
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I feel that it is your husband's responsibility to straighten this whole thing out (since he is the one who made it so complicated). He needs to clearly explain to her that you want nothing but the best for the little one and WILL be involved in his life. As the child's father, he has a right to have his wife involved in parenting at his home. The only exception to this would be if you did anything to hurt the child (which clearly you are not doing). It seems to me that you are the best influence out of all the parents. :)
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Thanks. It is very frustrating because he is the only one that can fix the situation. Unlike her I did not want to see my SS because I didn't want him confused but now its been 4 weeks since my H has been back home and I would like to see my SS. My H has expressed to his BM what I do and how I am but I have always desired for her to know directly from me what I am about. I don't feel any need to converse with her besides telling her my viewpoint of my role in her son's life. She knows deep down that I am the best she will get for a step-mom for her son but she is too bitter and into games to see what is best for her son. Its stupid cause we all know how kids are and so she just uses him as an excuse to try and keep me away. Honestly, I think she fears that since I 'have' the man she is in love with, that I will take her son's heart as well. But I want to assure her that that is in no way my intention and that he will always love his mom and no one can take her place.
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I couldnt live with the fact my husband slept with his ex only in one month away from you. This must of been on HIS mind to do so. I feel sorry for you. I think you need to focus on TRUSTING HIM, versus the ex. I would walk under these terms............I see a life of misery and pain for YOU. I give you credit for forgiving this weak man......but I couldnt do it..........I would feel pretty low and used and much under his thumb.......good luck.
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I liked eRenee's advise right off.
Forgiving your husband is admirable and if it works your marriage will be stronger for you two having worked through it. I would, however, make it crystal clear that if does anything more than look at another woman he's history. Step son or no. If necessary do it. You don't need a lifetime of cheating which is what you'll get. He got away with it once and might think he can do it again. He knows your vulnerability regarding the kid. Don't let him use those against you. I think that's what stepmomjlm said also.
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My fiance's ex is the same way. Its all jealousy... its easy for me to say and impossible for me to do but you just have to ignore her! She will come around soon, although it wont last long but cherish the times you do have with him. I love the kid to death and I feel the same way as to me being the best thing he could find as a step-mom but she doesnt want to admit it. Me and my fiance have went as long as 6 weeks not seeing his son because she didnt want me around him and my fiance chose to take me with him to pick him up, we told her that if them (him and his son) being alone was what she wanted then he could drop me off at home and they would spend the day alone but she wouldnt even go for that.
I guess what Im trying to say is your not the only one and it will be ok. She will come around and realize that things are gonna stay the way they are no matter what. Exes seem to go through phases... you just gotta wait them out and not give up.
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