This community is dedicated to fathers who are going through the parenting process alone or without the support of a spouse. Single parenthood may occur as the result of many thing...
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I need help guys! A little background......
I have 3 boys (14, 12, & 10), was married for 16yrs. (together for 20 yrs.) to my high school sweetheart. I have been the bread winner throughout the marriage. My stbx came up in a broken and abused home. She is very loving but not very domesticated and has a really difficult time with discipline and time management. Her and I always complimented eachother because of our strengths and weaknesses. So, since the split (which I didn't want-to this day) the boys want to stay and live with me and the stbx is having a really tough time with them. I am in no position to take them right now without switching their school system and that I think would hurt them more than staying with mom. My stbx and I do not get along at all anymore so trying to work things out is impossible. I've bended as much as I can. I love my boys dearly and want them to be with me but I also think they need both of us. The courts suck and do not know what to do anymore. She has now decided she wants full custody which means 4 days out of each month I get the kids. The boys are really acting up because of this and I feel I have no place to turn. I am just back to work so finances are limited but do not want to give up....Help Guys! Posted on 10/08/07, 02:10 pm |
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Are you going for at least 50% custody? that way the kids get the best of both of you. And, stbx gets a break you can keep kids well grounded on days you have them. Why would any court on the planet unless abuse is there, grant one parent full custody? You also, should have a talk with your boys and tell them that they should respect their mother. that at one point, she was your wife, and essentially by disrespecting her, they are disrepecting your wishes for them to be nice to her. Also, I would suggest based on where you moved to, you consider perhaps moving closer to the boys? Or who has the house, you or her? Depending on that, could make an easier transition. Not to mention the boys could be at your house while you're working until you get home on days they are with you. Remember its all about the kids now. 
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Your story relationship wise, sounds a lot like mine. I feel for the situation you are in.
With your boys ages the courts should take their oppinion into consideration as far as who they want to be with, so it is unlikely unless your STBX can prove abuse that she will get full custody. If you do not feel you can handle the boys fulltime right now, I would suggest at least going for 50-50 split especially if you are staying in the same area/school district. My STBX and I worked out that I have our 4 kids (ages 14 - 4) every Tuesday and Thursday night and every other weekend. That works out to about 40% of the time.
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Fight her and most judges will give you 50% custody. Make sure stbx understands that you will not just give up your kids.
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I agree with Mike40- don't back down for whats best for your kids- their needs are the most important!
My ex and I went down to the wire but we worked out a settlement on everything just days before our final hearing. I got 50% custody (every other week) and they have adjusted just fine. Besides (as I understand the law) any child 12 years old or older can choose who they want to live with. It wasn't hard to do for me-I surendered everything to my higher power and didn't worry, I'm a good dad and she couldn't proove otherwise Do what you think is right. Get a good lawyer. Make an honest effort to offer a fair settlement. And let the cards fall where they may.
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I have full custody of my son and have had to fight to keep it. The biggest help for me in court was that I kept a daily log or diary of every single thing that I did for him and every single incident concerning my life and his. If you go into court with detailed daily reports, it greatly helps your cause.
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AnthonysD is givign some grat advice. Listen to it!
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If you have any questions about things concerning court or what types of things the judge looked at when reading my log, let me know and I would be happy to help.
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