Single Dads Support Group

I don't know where you are from but here in good ole Venango Co., PA the mother can do just about anything she wants as primary custidian, and the court pretty much tells dad too bad.

New York here....I didn't expect much else...thanks for the reply.I'll just continue grabbing my ankles.Later compadre :-/

First, sorry to hear of your challenging situation. Next my situation is, I have joint legal and physical custody. The judge did state after some time the children can make their determination. Having children that age, there should be no monitoring of phone conversations, etc. You should docuement every situation you have so when/if you go to court to seek partial custoday/joint, what have you, you have reason to believe WHAT'S best for your children's welfare should come into play. ALSO, if this woman is going on a Christian retreat with the daughter, she should know that the name "father" applies to the one in this case, is you, and I have also something in my judgement called, "first right of refusal". Meaning, if she or I are going to be away from the children 6 or more hours the parent who's going away should give the other parent 24 hours notice if they want the child(ren).
I am taking my son away next week and offered my ex to have our daughter (on my weekend). It has to be about the kids, and not you and her. The new spouse should take into accordance that and mind his own. Unless of course, over the years there's been reason to believe you stepped away from the kids, etc. and there's harbored feelings there. I am sorry for your situation. Regardless of the past, if you feel as a parent, your children's mental or physical health is being affected by this now, I'd definitely bring it to a court's attention. Technically, in most states the 16 yr. old and poss. the 14 y.o. can make their mind up on which parent they want to live with. Unless the parent is deemed unfit by the courts, etc. good luck.

jtgpp,I never estranged myself from the children at all...ever.My ex and I(after about 2 yrs)got along very well in regards to our children.We went to meet the teacher nights together throughout elementary and junior high school,fund raising,marching band shows,all school concerts,teacher conferences..if either of us missed a meeting the other would call and fill in...it wasn't until a few years after she remarried did things change.They also became born again christians and have become rather extreme in the last year with that.There is flat out abuse-mental abuse- but it is hard to prove.She has allowed herself to be controlled by this man and our children are victims as well.I feel this guy is trying to provoke me into a 'physical altercation' but I will not fall into that trap.I fell behind for 2 years with child support,but it was the result of first getting hurt on the job and needing a month off,then the economy took a nosedive(i'm in construction-a/c)I did catch up almost 100% in September of last year though.I am paying what I can now although I did just get laid off from my day job in October.I went to court for a downward modification in Jan. and was granteda decrease for a month until I can find work.The children's needswere always met.She just met a complete control freak and now the courthouse is going to feel like home for awhile.The lawyers they provide through legal aid always are women and for me always lean toward the women's side.So'it's like I have to prove I'm not the bad guy to the people who are supposed to represent me in the first place.Its very hard to move foward.I'm rambling,thank you so much for the response and help...much appreciated.

Tommy, you're far from rambling, and as short as my divorce has been, I know what you're experiencing. Your kids will know what's up long term. You HAVE to hang in there. You HAVE to document every little simple thing that transpires. Believe me, the courts WANT two active parents as long as both are healthy for the kids. You can't go in there with if-comes and possibles. Hang in there, keep talking, keep seeking support. Check out all the recommendations here too. Best to you.

thanks jtgpp,thanks for the help...there is alot of things going on at once right now and it does get overwhelming,to say the least.I have been recording these issues for months but Some of the things they have been told to do date back to 2006.My younger son just started opening up in late October of last year about the control issues.Is there going to be a problem with the time lapse of when problems occured vs. my reporting a problem? And,if you know,are the children going to have to testify,or does cps need to be involved here?I'm talking to a legal aid law advisor this week,so if I'm being forward...well either way,thanks

I know each state is diffrent when it comes to the age when the kids can make a decsion on which parent,whether its her weekend or not I feel that the other should be able to come over and spend time with you your ex I feel is being selfish

I feel for your situation.

Here in the UK a child is old enough to decide where they want to live when they turn 14.

Your ex's new hubby is definitely a total control freak!!!

If you feel that you want to go for joint custody, at this age I don't see why the judge would deny it.