Shyness Support Group

oh the other comment you made, people cut me off all the time too, i don't know why but they do. it's so annoying.

im a loner i have been since well forever really

Not a loner exactly, but looking back I see that I developed a "stone face" that sort of kept people at arms length. In high school I told myself it was cool, but now I know it was a protective measure to help me avoid both teasing and meeting new people. Now I've dropped my stone face, but my husband tells me I'm waaaaay to critical of potential friends. "She's just being nice," or "she can tell I'm shy and just feels sorry for me." So I'm not exactly a loner, but I'm alone a lot (shrug).

i'm a loner also..

Wow! As I read what a lot of you wrote, I said to myself (that's me too!".

I've been pretty much a loner my whole life...never have had a "best friend" and don't really have anyone to "talk to" about life, dreams, disappointments, etc.

However, what I am finding is that as I grow older (mid 40's), I don't want to be a loner anyomore. However, I don't know how to change that. I work full-time, take classes, coach, join various organizations, etc. and still can't seem to "break" this mold on loneliness.

The thing is that if you asked most people who are acquaintences of me...they would never guess that I am so lonely. I'm always smiling, have a positive attitude, a good listener, enjoy public speaking, make eye contact, speak with a confident voice, etc. However, with all of that, I just can't break out of this "loner shell".

I'm in the same prison!

It's been difficult for me. In high school during lunch hour, sometimes the few friends I did have didn't share the same break period so I wouldn't hang with anyone much. I'd sneak into the piano lounge and just play my music. I guess creatively being a loner has helped me inspiration wise. On the flip side I understand where you're coming from in terms of dealing with people and conversations.

For example, I'll hear some news at work about someone getting engaged or suddenly someone announces they're pregnant or what not. Yes, all joyous occassions but I feel strange expressing my sincere feelings of happiness. I don't want to look fake coz I tend to not match my expressions with how I'm feeling (I've self diagnosed myself as being Asperger or high functioning autistic). I'll say something too like I feel like I'm out of the "happy loop" to my friend and state that all this good news is a vicious circle. She'll laugh at me coz all these things aren't bad things, weddings, engagements, and pregnancies. I know that they aren't, it's just sometimes I have difficulty expressing my depression in a more lighter tone.

so much of what you're all saying is true for me. i feel the most lonely when i'm around lots of people and i feel like i'm the only one not talking to someone and laughing. i feel awkward chiming in with my 2 cents of congratulation or whatever. i feel like they don't want to hear it from me anyway. same about getting cut off, i start feeling like i don't have much of value to say anyway. thanks for the great post.
scott