Shyness is a feeling of insecurity that certain people experience while being among others, talking with others, asking favors of others, etc.
Shyness is most likely to occur...
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I am angry, SHY PEOPLE UNITE!!!
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I am so angry at people complaining about us like being shy is wrong. I have been called quiet, antisocial, withdrawn, socially retarded, etc...
What right do people who have to the gift of gab to tell me being me is wrong? I have been told that shy people have low self esteem and feel anxiety. That may be true, could it be that we have been told, since we could understand dialogue, that being shy is wrong? My son is like me. Shy. since kindergarten they told me he is too quiet. Why don't he talk. Why doesn't he adjust socially. He's thirteen now. Do you think it's because he's not talking because he has always heard people tell him that being him is wrong. when he does interact they make jokes like "Wow, he said something" which will make you stop talking again, etc...They complain when kids talk too much and when they don't. he is fine at home. it's when there are a lot of people around it's harder for him. shyness is a personality trait, genetic, that's what I think. I have a big family and all were shy. My low self esteem when i was younger came from teachers saying something was wrong with me, and kids well, not being nice. I wonder, if I was allowed to grow at my own pace and not be pressured to be extremely social all my life and made to feel bad when I wasn't, would depression and anxiety around people be such a huge issue? The fear of being judge and labeled? Being around people and being social drains my energy and after a while I take a break. I enjoy being by myself. I have a good time, reading, being alone after a long day at work and my weekends doing things that involve less people. That isn't wrong. Therapists, psychiatrists alike need to stop saying it is. I don't need to get out more. I need for people to lay off. I am saying this because the same cycle is happening with my child and they are causing doubt about himself. Unite, tell others to leave us alone. Posted on 05/06/08, 09:05 am |
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I strongly suggest a book called Don't Call Me Shy by Laurie Adelman. This book helps shy individuals learn to like and appreciate themselves and stop identifying themself by the label of shy....and see themselves well beyond the shyness label. This is the best book I've read on shyness and it helped me and my shy kids so much. It has techniques for shy children and shy adults and a section of really helpful advice for teachers to use in the classroom (I gave a copy of the book to my kids teacher and it made a huge difference). I ordered the book from the publisher at www.langmarc.com and it was sent really quickly. 
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I remember one of the first times my husband brought me home to meet his parents I over heard his mom say, "she is a quiet one isn't she."
I'm not sure if shyness is a personality genetic trait or if we are that way as a result of events in our lives or acting out as we see a shy parents act. I believe what is important is to move forward with ourselves and not let the people with the mouth that works overtime bother us. Shyness isn't being weak, shyness is being unique.
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At lunch, the kid across from me said "say something". The other kids thought this would be some great fun so they all stared and waited. So I shot back I AM NOT SPEECH DEFICIENT and they just snickered about how they couldn't hear me. It was so demeaning! How could they not understand this?
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I think shyness is a personality trait, but the events in our lives make it worse. I hear people use the word shy like it's a sickness that should be cured. We are only believing what has been drilled into our heads.
For instance, Before I started kindergarten I remember I loved skipping down the hallway in my favorite plaid dress and loving it. After a while the kids started asking me why I don't talk and my teacher calling me quiet. Huh? I didn't get it, and began to see I was a little different. I began to doubt myself even as young as that. These girls would terrorize me on the bus and send me home crying saying mean things about not talking and being weird. I get home and mom would ask If I had been crying , I would say no, and go to my room. I remember that year clearly because it was a year of discovery for me. And for the rest of my life. I found out recently, from my mother, the school would ask her the same thing the school is doing to my child. My husband and I are complete opposites. I don't talk much and he can't stop talking. I was thrust into social situations with and the things they said to me (jokingly of course, always I am just joking around) I took it seriously. I always felt pressured to talk, the anxiety would come about, the pressure to be interesting, and hating myself when it didn't happen. The shaking, heart beating fast, stumbling over words, sounding stupid, and wanting to run away. I used to wonder why I didn't have friends,couldn't keep them, and blaming myself. I got fed up. It's okay to be me, and started saying so. Insecurity and wanting to be like other people made me unhappy. I accepted me and more people were around me. Insecurity showed in my body language. I don't want my son or other newer generations to have to go through what I went through.
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Hi cyn. I agree with you it can be frustrating when others can't understand what we're going through. Sometimes at work I'll feel awkward because a social situation is giving me stress yet I never admit my feelings to my coworkers/bosses because I'm sure declaring I'm shy or suffering from social anxiety won't help my situation. I don't even disclose my issues to most of my family.
That said, I will say shyness can be "wrong" if it inhibits an individual from living a full life. For most of my life I experienced mild to moderate shyness and felt I was a fully functional being. In the past few years however my symptoms have been more sever and I feel it is affecting the normal course of my life.
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When I was in middle school, almost everyone picked on me. I remember in 7th grade, some boy told my I had huge legs. And every day in my 7th grade 6th period class, this one girl ALWAYS called me fat and wouldn't leave me alone. The same stuff, all through middle school. Yeah, eventually I did make some friends... But I really didn't have my first real friend until over half my way through middle school.
Before high school started, I lost some of that weight. And once high school started, all of these people who constantly bothered me every single all of a sudden were asking me why I was so quiet and why didn't I like talking with them. Seriously. All it did was make me angry, and all I wanted was for them to leave me alone. I think shy has to do a lot with personality and environment. I believe that if you want to seek treatment for certain pieces of the problem, like low self-esteem or extreme paranoia, then that's completely acceptable and more than understandable, as they can lead to other things like medically diagnosed depression and anger issues. But I also think that if someone is shy because they just don't want to talk to you, then, as you said, LEAVE THEM ALONE!
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theawaybox, I do understand how people who picked on you were not your first choice as friends in high school but I don't understand your frustration with requests to join them in conversation or activities. Did you explain to them you didn't feel like hanging out with people who made fun of me just a few months back?
I've personally been working through some anger I've been feeling towards family members. I'm beginning to understand that I feel this anger because I'm not communicating the discomfort I feel from anxiety to them yet they keep asking me to do things that cause the anxiety. It's really not their fault. I can just say no or figure out a way to deal with it better. It's really easy to blame the world for my discomfort but it's not the world's problem, it's mine.
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I absolutely agree! I'm sixteen and still shy and its because people find me "strange" or "moody" or "antisocial". Well thats part of why i have a hard time making friends because everyone thinks that. Especially teachers, which really pisses me off. Theyre always trying to get me to "branch out and make friends." What is so wrong with having one class without a million people to talk to? So what, I like being by myself sometimes. THATS NOT WIERD!!!!!
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Goldfish, it wasn't an actual invitation to join conversation, it was more of a taunting. Like, "You're so shy. You never talk. What you don't like us?" In a ridiculing tone, over and over and over. And some times I did say, "I just don't want to talk." It got so frustrating.
But I do understand that I am very resentful towards certain people and wasn't even open to talking with them anyways. I don't like confrontation, so I never actually told them such things, but I know it's how I felt. Honestly, now that it's all said and done, I don't think I'd have much of a problem chatting with them at a reunion or anything.
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i agree 110% =) god bless you
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