Shyness Support Group

I think the desire to be better than other people is a natural thing within a human being, whether we realise it or not. I am shy, and to be honest I do sometimes want to be better than other people in some ways. I think I do this because I feel insecure about myself too.

Hmmmm... not necessarily. However, I think I have extremely high - often unrealistic - expectations of myself which leads to my shyness; it has nothing to do with comparing myself to someone else.

I dont know anything about the book you're talking about, but maybe the author is looking at it from the perspective of someone who isnt shy???? People who don't know me well usually think I'm trying to be "snotty" or "better than them" - its really just the shyness.

I often find myself feeling like I am not good enough for others.

I completely disagree with that. StillOftheNight, I am with you - most times I wonder why people would even want to hang out with me because I am not cool enough or witty enough.

While I have never read the book you are referring too, I tend to disagree with what the author apparently says. As a shy person, I have never desired to be "better" than anyone else. The only thing I truly want is to feel that I'm worth SOMETHING - that I'm worthy of befriending, or being loved, etc. etc.

If the author of the book doesn't suffer from shyness, I have a hard time believing they actually know what they're talking about. Everyone I know that suffers from shyness never desired/desires to be better than anyone - they simply want to feel as they're at least as GOOD as everyone else around them!

I think that having a desire to be better is natural with all human beings, shy or not. I am kind of a perfectionist but i contribute this to my insecurities and trying to be just as good as everyone else. Maybe this author is not shy and one of the other replies, people who don't know me tend to think of me as thinking that I am better than them, when in fact that is quite the opposite of how I feel. THey just don't see that it's it shyness not being snotty. Like I said I think it is just human nature to desire to be better it's everyone not just shy people.

I haven't read the book but here is what I think the author may be saying.

Because we are shy we try and make the things we are good at in our lives better than most people will tend to do.
Because many of us have a fear of disapproval (we don't make conversations well because we may say the wrong thing) we will do what we can with the gifts we had to excel with our lives.

I am not sure if I am getting my point accoss but I believe most shy people are more intellegent in school related subjects than the average person.Just an opinion!

I haven't read the book either so I'm not sure what the author meant in the context of his/her book but my short answer is "No". I feel in general shyness is a self-confidence issue which is almost the polar opposite of the author's statement.

I haven't read the book, but I will. I am glad I came here now I have two books to look into. I don't agree. I don't desire to be better than other people. I desire to be me around people, and not be misunderstood or judged. Their words make me insecure in my next encounter.
I was talking to this guy and I asked him flat out, What does he think of shy people? He said to me, to make this short, I just don't get it.

Maybe this author isn't shy and he/she just don't get it.

I have read the book. I think the author is a very gifted and intelligent author and I tend to agree with him.
As for myself, I am shy and suffer from a lack of confidence and yet, I kill myself to excel in a creative sense. Sometimes, I feel I really overdo it and take on way too much just to prove to others and myself that I am okay. So as far as I'm concerned Eckhart has hit the nail right on the head.