Shyness Support Group

I can totally relate. For me, it wasn't my mother but my older sister (she's eight years older, and I've always looked up to her). My parents were indifferent to my singing, which didn't help, but my sister telling me "shut up, quit trying to sound like a grown up," etc. stayed with me to this day (I'm 33). Like you, I was in varsity choir in high school, but NO solos. No way.

Anyway, I have two pieces of advice. First, read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It will inspire you and help you through the healing process. It was amazing. Second, don't expect singing solo before a crowd NOT to be frightening for the first several times. It just is. It means everything to you so you'll put tremendous pressure on yourself, but you have to do it anyway. You could take voice lessons or sing karaoke or even join a church choir...don't give up!!

Best of luck to you. I feel your pain.

Julia

Have you worked with any therapies to specifically let go of your fear of performing? Hypnosis can work well, Time Line Therapy is perfect for it.

There are cognitive therapies but they are slower and less effective. Let me know if you would like to know more.

I used to teach and wound up going in front of groups very often. You will be absolutely terrified the first few times (and may never fully be able to conquer that fear). The more often you do that, the more accustomed you become.

I say just do it. You wanna' sing, sing your heart out. On the bus, in public, just like you when you were a kid. Who cares if people look at you and don't understand. Let the joy of singing in your heart and the smile on your face show them that you have something they don't. And besides even if your not all that good, just remember, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Dwite Yokam, and a whole host of other "famous" singers can't sing worth a lick. As an amature muscian, I've found music isn't about good and bad, it's about just having fun. I don't have a singing voice at all, and I can't stay on key, but I don't let that stop me from singing my heart out at work, even with everyone giving me those funny looks. Just let go and have fun with it.

Oh my gosh, JLynn. Reading this post is like looking in the mirror. Please, I know it's long, read it all. It's funny I was so afraid of people and here I was choosing a two dreams that put me in the public eye.


I am such a lover of music. How I cope is with singing. As a child I would lock my bedroom door, turn up the volume and belt out whatever. I liked acting and singing. I was called every name in the book by kids and siblings, very shy because of it, and when this guy came to our school said he was starting this performing arts group I jumped in. I was 11,12 and we sang at malls and we did a few plays for the district. I tried hard but I remember getting yelled at for not speaking loud enough, I cried but kept going.

I struggled through high school and beyond to fit in and after I started taking singing lessons thinking if I was a rock star or something people would like me and take me seriously. What I didn't prepare for was that fact I would love it so much. I started doing it for me. The only problem was I would panic so much when it came to performing. I would shake so much people could see it, I was embarrassed and told myself if I keep trying I would overcome it. I was one of the youngest of nine kids and as at nineteen or so I would practice at home, we all still lived there and at first everyone was shocked. I sing very loudly and my sisters were helpful.

then they started with the shut up. making jokes about how badly I sounded, telling me I sang to loud. My sisters and brothers were mean about it. I sing to music videos and they would shut my door. My sister sang a little too and in church they wouldn't sing with me because I sang too loud. My Forte was Opera. I loved it. They said I sang operatic. I was training what did they expect. I took everything they said to the stage. Anxiety was so bad. I couldn't make a proper sound. No confidence would shake the heck out of your voice. My mother was different. She would tell me be careful. Some people may be putting you down because they are afraid of you succeeding. Open your mouth and sing. I couldn't even sing in the car if someone else was there . I didn't want them to tell me I sounded bad. I stop singing altogether.

I started again later and realized I was actually pretty good. I still couldn't get passed what ws told to me earlier. I doubt myself when I pick up a mic and think they are going to cringe and laugh at me. I think that is the shyness talking, also. I panic when I want to sing in front of people, but I get up anyways. When you perform people don't know you. when I sing to a crowd I look at everyone, pick out the few faces that are smiling on each side, the ones that are encouraging and focus on them. Have tunnel vision and seeing them interested and looking at you is a sign they ere liking what they are hearing. Sing to them only. No one knows this technique but you. I took acting lessons in the theater district in Chicago to help overcome my shyness the teacher advertised it would help overcome shyness, Sarantos studious. I HATED IMPROV. I was afraid and have anxiety attacks in an crowd situation and you want me to act out a scene with no script. I almost puked onstage. The first time I sat there quiet each time got a little better. I wanted this so badly. I went on auditions I know I didn't qualify for to help me to let go of the fear of performing.

The problem was I now had a man I was so in love with. He always told em I wasn't good enough. Eventually I stopped because I believed him. I was working on my self esteem and he used it against me. Later on in my life I asked him why, this man is my husband. You may ask why I am married to him. Some times we cling more to the loved one who hurts us the most. He said he saw I was going places and he didn't want me leave him and pursue my dreams. be careful. The one who are putting you down may not be because you are not good enough. It is because you are.

I want to go back. I love Opera. When I am feeling down I sing Ave Maria, helps every time. I think I am too old to try again and school is expensive. My dream is to sing in the choir on the lyric opera in Chicago. I took a class in a local college and got encouragement from two other aspiring singers who were much older than me. If You love it the way I do, singing will never leave your heart.

Your husband is probably bullshiting you now that you are old enough not to sing. He just doesnt want you nagging at him for telling you the truth that you cant sing worth crap and you should give up on it and move on. And stop singing infront of peopel who don't want to hear your shitty voice! Thats reality! Im not cynicall!

helloeveryone I will pray for you.

helloeveryone rather you realize it or not this is the biggest cry for help I have read.

Way to continue distorting reality. You keep doing that. Its probably healthier than relizing the truth.

Well, helloeveryone brings up a good point, but is a jerk about it.
If you have seen American Idol some of those people can't carry a note. Some of those people don't live in reality.

I am going to assume that JLynn can carry a not and that since its a support site, if helloeveryone has these kinds of opinions he should frame them in a gentle way and not take out how he feels about his own life on everyone else.