What is Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Differ...
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i guess recovery has it price too!
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venting only.
i guess even recovery has it price to. I want a better life and i can't let anything stop that now. REcovery has given me the strength to walk away now. totally heart breaking and non recoverable. my venting letter to her after she explained how unreasonable a person i am. of course i will not give her this one. but i am hurt and anger. I wish I had the words to tell how mad and disappointed I am with you. But I can’t because none of this was your fault. I knew when you left the Sun that this was no different than the two previous relationships. I should have walked away years ago and never looked back. You have made me feel so small in the last couple of weeks that I don’t know if I can ever get over this. You’re doing exactly as the two previous girl friends did. All the way up to the point of turning me into the bad guy so they could feel better about what they did. As soon as I open my mouth and say “hey this is not fair” they demonized me also and guess what they went to work within a couple of weeks. What did you do today? You started looking for a job. And you consider me unreasonable! And you knew I swore when I left Colorado that I would never let any one do what they did again. We talked at length about this before we ever got involved. You knew and still you went out of your way to get fired again. And then did worse than they ever did to me for five years. I was in so much denial I never believed I could find myself in this situation again. Especially with you, a friend for 12 years before we got involved. I told you I never wanted me to be the great enabler again. And I got sucked in again, by a friend. What did it cost me to get to a point where you finally started doing something for yourself – forget about us! And guess what as soon as they had to go to work they got rid of me by driving me out just as you have gone out of your way to do. How long where you going to do this to me? You would have gone another five years if I didn’t bring it to a head. And I am the one that is an asshole? No I shouldn’t feel used right? Of course not because I had the use of your car and stayed rent free from time to time right. Well guess $800.00 to a thousand dollars a month didn’t buy much did. No it only held me back from getting good cars and stable living conditions. Your right I am the asshole. You didn’t care one bit how much of a financial burden you where to me, if you did you wouldn’t be demonizing and turning me into an asshole in your mind. All so can justify your total failure in this relationship. You know beyond any doubt that you have been in serious emotional trouble for years. You also know that I have stood by when ever other guy on the planet would have had the brains to walk away. You have a very convenient memory and one that only puts me in a convenient light for you to justify what a horrible human being I am. What fool of a friend or boy friend or even life partner (I was a partner of one and you have known that for many years? You just wanted me to believe it for myself. Makes me really wonder why? What possible motivation could you have had? Do the math. How would you feel if you were me?). How ironic I live in a dump of a motel like some sort of total looser just waiting, as you know, for you to get serious about anything. I work my ass off trying to get ahead for us and you sit at home up all night in an all night party, so you can sleep have the day and then watch soaps and ophray. But I am the asshole. You would never talk about us with out being totally defensive. You would never get involved in anything. You wouldn’t make goals for us or plans for us. You knew all along that I was not the guy for you and you strung me along. You knew you could not stand living with me and yet you have dam near destroyed all the good that was us before I had to figure it out for myself. God dam it Ellen how would you feel if you where me? What the hell would you think? You would never say you where my life partner, I always wondered why? Because you knew you weren’t but wouldn’t tell me. Thanks a lot good friend. You not only broke my heart and betrayed my trust and friendship. You are the first person ever to really break my spirit. Your right I am the asshole but not for the reasons you fabricated. Because I dared to take one more chance at love with someone I cared so deeply for and believed was a friend. You can make me the bad guy all you want but the day will come sooner than later when you will realize just how much is really your responsibility and how much you have lost. You should be ashamed of yourself for what you have done and how much pain you are going to cause Joey and others. I hope in the long run you get a grip on your life and do the right thing for yourself instead of being so totally self destructive. Posted on 07/22/08, 09:07 pm |
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WOW! You sound so angry, and yet it seems that it is better for you to be away from this person. I don't know the relationship, but it seems as though you felt she used you. I'm sorry that happened. Don't give up on love. Ultimately, we can't give up or quit on it anyway, it is a basic need that we can't deny, and a feeling we all deserve. Protect yourself. Get the anger out, and try to move on. You can't control other people, but you can control yourself. I know you are hurting right now, but this too shall pass. Remember, living well is the best revenge.
I hate break ups as much as anyone. How quickly love can turn to hate sometimes. I try to hang on to the good memories, unless of course it makes me want to go back, then I trudge up the bad. I truly hope your heart starts to mend again soon. If you need to talk, I'm here. Big hugs. 
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So much pain. I'm sorry. I wish this hadn't happened. We're here for you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are a good person, with a good heart. Be gentle on yourself. You are NOT an asshole - you just have a big heart. And you are brave, for taking the chance to believe in someone after all you've been through. Hang in there. We're here for you and we know the good guy that she couldn't see. Hugs!
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thank you both and yes she has used me but i also allowed it. she is a blazing alcholic and therefore cannot see her role in this failure. i have known her for twenty years now and i am the father her kids never really had. they all tell me i am bette than their dad ever was.
but as always with these relationships the enabler always looses in the end. i had hope against hope that she would find her way to counseling and rehab but according to her she does not have a problem and the way she handles it works for her. She never feeds her kids before 9:00 at night when they should be going to bed. everything is a major effort. she has no income except me and the state. Her ex goes years before he pays. So if i am not there the kids are the ones that suffer becasue she cannot deal with anything. she is always mad and has never taken any responsibility for herself. she takes for ever to get the littlest task done. but in her mind she doesn't have a problem. on average i spend about 1500.00 per month supporting her and i just can't do it anymore. i wanted a partner not a liability. i wanted to build a future just not exsist. She is sick and needs help but has slamed the door on ever suggestion from on lines support to indiviual counseling and couples counseling. I have know for years that it would be up to her to turn her life around and all i have done is finance a five year vacation for her. of course she doesn't see that.
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You sound like you have a clear head about what is going on. What a tough situation to be in 'cause you love her and the kids, but I think you're right. You don't want to enable. Perhaps you pulling away is just what she needs to get her on track. I, like you, feel bad for the kids. Relationships . . . man, they can be tough. Hang in there, though. You're doing the right thing.
HUGS!
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I applaud you for 'venting' like you just did. At the same time, I'm so sorry that you carried so much weight on your shoulders for so long. I guess we are sometimes our own worst enemies when it comes to overlooking flaws in others that bring us down, turn us around and knock us off our feet.
I am truly thinking of you and keeping on my mind and in my heart. peace and love ... Kyle Anne
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hi,
sorry for your bad experience. I too have had bad relationship experiences. Im glad you recognise that role you played in the trouble in your relationship. Your ex couldnt have taken advantage of you without you letting her. You say your previous relationships were similar so my advice would be to change your ways so that history doesnt repeat again. The fact that you went above and beyond to support your ex and her kids shows what a lovely, caring guy you are but as you found out to much of that is not good for you. This woman is an adult and should take respnsibility for her own actions. it is unfair for her to rely on you. I know all about deception and being strung along and so I know that pain. I think the best thing is to be wary of warning signs in the beginning of a relationship and get out quick. I wish you all the best
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SO much pain. Don't blame yourself. Some of us want so badly to be the white knight that we just keep trying and trying, no matter what the cost. Don't measure your self worth by the people you have saved. Inevitably they will hurt you, which will damage your self-esteem and make it harder for you to love in the future. Take some time and find legitimate reasons to love yourself that have nothing to do with anyone else, and I guarantee that your relationships will be better for it. Blessings.
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Justanothersurvivor,
I am sorry for you pain! It is so funny how we that are considered damaged goods seem to take on the role of the Healer and the Good One! We seem to want to help others until we get into recovery and then we realize we are just as important as those we try and help so much. The problem is so many individuals do not want or do not know how to get the help they need to heal. I am glad your recovery is showing that you are worth more and I know it hurts when you realize you have done so much and gotten so little respect for all you have done. But the important thing is that you realize you are worth as much as the next person and from here on out you can call the shots. Dont' allow others to harm your body, heart or soul!! Stand tall and continue to heal!! You are worth allowing to live happiness and allowing someone to treasure you as much as you have treasured others. It is hard to accept at first but you will see it is so worth it in the end. I thank God everyday for giving me my husband. For so long I thought I was not worthy of love and attention and he makes me feel like a Princess daily!! But without self love and self worth I would not accept this from him. Work hard on the self love and self respect and you will go far in life!! Huge hugs to you!!
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