Sexual Abuse Support Group

Forgiveness is a long term goal that I can only imagine about having grasped the full extent of the meaning. I believe that forgiveness is ours to give because we have the power to control where it should go to. It is so true that we need to start being better to ourselves, which is a part of forgiving ourselves and that starts with acknowledging that it happened and that it took away important things from our lives that were supposed to help us see sense in the world. I lost all sense when I was abused because I was learning that abuse was normal and that all the ugly feelings that came with it were "normal". Never in my life was I fully able to discern right from wrong because the abuse was never corrected. We can't afford to feel this way anymore because it is destructive. You are a true inspiration for having given that gift of forgiveness to one of your abusers who must surely be remorseful. I have yet to be apologised to and shown the respect that was extremely lacking.

People often misunderstand forgiveness. Forgiveness is not saying that you agree with the behavior, just that you are not going to let it affect your life anymore; that you are moving on and allowing yourself to move on. My father never sexually abused me, but did a whole lot of physical abuse and he is still a large part of my life and I love him and have forgiven many things. I too wonder if it is "normal" to have this relationship with someone who has caused so much pain. Who's "normal"? Follow your heart and your gut, they will never steer you wrong. The man who raped me will never be in my life, but he was not a family member.

yes not for them but for myself.

since january there have been some great strings on this topic.

I have not and most likely will not forgive mine. Yet I am slowly learning to handle the crap that comes with it (flashbacks etc.)

I cut him out my life for good and making sure he does not come near my girls. Thats good enough for me.

Really i hate no one
i see the people as they were at the time
but that was long ago
and they are gone

yes i see them sometimes
but they are not the people i remember

i have no problem with the people
just the confusion i feel about things
and my feelings

maybe thats forgiving
i just call it not hating ?
.isnt it really the same thing ?
x

As justanothersurvivor said... there have been some interesting strings on the subject of forgiveness here. I guess it tends to come up every few weeks.

Have I forgiven, not in the biblical or Christian sense, I don't think I ever will. For me, that would be to say it was ok.

My father has expressed remorse for what he did and has begged forgiveness. I have not forgiven him. I have told him that I acknowledge his request, but I will promise nothing.

Healing to me is so much more than forgiving him. I must first learn to forgive myself. What follows after that, I don't know.

I only lend one word of caution to you; please never never let this man alone with your children. This pedipholia is a sickness. Do not test his recovery with your children!

Hope and love

When I was a child, I hated mother because she never protected me. She believed her boyfriend and blamed me for the sexual abuse.As an adult, I had to heal myself by letting go of the anger. Now, she has alot of medical problems and I help take care of her. I had to heal me before i could help her.

When I was a child, I hated mother because she never protected me. She believed her boyfriend and blamed me for the sexual abuse.As an adult, I had to heal myself by letting go of the anger. Now, she has alot of medical problems and I help take care of her. I had to heal me before i could help her.

The term is subjective and up to the person who was abused. They can forgive the abuser, they can forgive themselves, they can do neither. Really....there is no answer that is right or wrong.
I suppose I did although I never thiought about it in those terms, but my parents are in my life. I needed to do this to get on with MY life. So what is "normal" for each of us is our choice.....

I don't think I hate the person anymore just what they did. Part of me wants to forgive but another isn't there yet. I only started this journey recently but I've heard of other survivors forgiving.

Having said that, I know a religious Christian group thought I should bury it all and move on and let god take pain away. Well I can't live in a lie my whole life and pretending nothing happened. Ignorance is not bliss. Truth is.

Maybe one day I will forgive but it will be under my terms not the abusers or anyone else