Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Differ...
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Hey (sorry its a bit long)
this is the first time i have written my own post i have only tried to give advice so far. just lately i have been thinking about my abuse which happened from the age of 9-13. i think about the worst bits of it and the bits that happened more regularly. i dont feel upset about it but it makes me angry, i dont only feel angry at my abuser tho i also feel angry at myself for not telling someone. i sometimes want to talk to my partner about it but i feel embarassed to talk about it...its like the words are there in my mouth but they just wont come out. has anyone else felt like this? i just wish i could talk to him about it, there has been the odd time where i have been crying in bed at night and he has asked whats the matter and i said 'im just thinking about my past'and i no he is there for me and i can talk to him but i feel complete embarassment. i guess im just looking for some comforting words cuz im feeling a bit lost in myself with all this at the moment. thanks xxx Posted on 07/08/08, 09:07 am |
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I completely understand what you are saying... I was doing the same thing for many years. I would space out rather than cry.. I would tell my husband that I was just thinking and leave it at that.
After 11 years of marriage, I found the courage to tell him about my abuse. To say the least, he was shocked, but it has been the most liberating experience of my life. I read the book, "Miss America by Day" and in it the author writes, this abuse is part of you. Why would you not want those you love to know who you are? To me, that did it. I had to build up my courage and then once I said the first few words, the rest just poured out. You need to be ready when you talk to a partner about such a personal thing. You will be surprised the difference it will make in the weight on your shoulders! Hope and Love to you 
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It can be very empowering to tell someone about your experience but it takes a very high level of trust. Trust that they wont react negatively and trust they wont reject you somehow....if you know your boyfriend could handle it then consider telling him. The support you get from loved ones can be second to none and help you no end.
Its a very personal decision you have to make. I know the fears well. I know the feeling of embarrassment, the feeling of guilt , the fear of rejection and the biggest issue for me was to trust someone with such intimate facts that made so totally vulnerable.I guess we fear their reaction and judgement of us because of our own feelings. Telling someone can be a real life saver, id encourage you to share your story with someone you trust, although it doesnt fix the issue and they cant wave a magic wand for you, it helps to know someone understands you a little better and someones in your corner and to have someone hold you when you cry at night and know why you do. Good luck xx
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Great advice Dreamer!
Finallysmiling, it is a very hard thing to find those words to tell a partner. I would suggest either reading the book, "Courage to Heal" or possibly talking to a therapist to help you find that voice and help you deal with what you went through. Just telling your partner is not enough to heal you. I also think it is so important to heal yourself. Your partner can definately be your support through the process and to help make you feel safe and secure. Many times as you might have seen on here, telling ones partner has truly complicated relationships because our spouses or partners do not know what to do with that type of information. I would definately seek out a therapist or someone to help you through the healing process and tell your partner that you were sexually abused but I would not go into too much detail until you start to heal yourself!! With love!!
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Thank you for the replies...it helps to no that im not alone in the things im feeling.
maybe one day i will be able to talk about it and not feel the embarrasment i feel at the moment. thank you xxx
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