Sexual Abuse Support Group

Your daughter more than likely feels betrayed by that man. Make sure she knows it ist her fault. Support her get her into therapy, go to rainn.org. They have an online hotline with trained people. Its not only for rape victims but sexual abuse, assult and domestic abuse

Make sure she knows that she is safe. If she has a close relationship with the abuser, then she will have trouble deciding how she wants to relate to him. Make it clear that she does not have to do anything she doesn't want to. At the same time, she is not "bad" if she wants to remain connected to positive parts of the relationship -- not that this will necessarily work, depending on his ability to take responsibility as a perpetrator, but it is perfectly OK for her to still _want_ a loving relationship with the person.

She probably feels guilty about telling -- even if it was discovered some other way, she may be sad at having "gotten someone in trouble." As others have said, she needs to know that the responsibility lies entirely with the adult.

A lot in her life has probably changed since the disclosure of abuse. Abuse is sort of the gift that keeps on giving -- even after it is stopped, the resulting changes in living situation and relationships continue to be hard. Sometimes it may seem to her that she's lost far more than she's gained. It is natural for her to be angry about this. She may even be angry with you at times, both for not protecting her (because moms are supposed to be all-powerful -- not because you actually could have done anything) and for the changes that are happening in her life.

Always, always remember that she is way more than a victim of sexual abuse. If possible, encourage her interests in sports or hobbies as well as friendships. These activities can be daily reminders that she is a competent, valuable person who can overcome negative effects of abuse.

Get therapy for her, preferably from someone who specializes in the area. Interview the person carefully and ask for references, either from other professionals or patients. The person should be a good fit for both of you. Get a separate therapist for yourself -- an assault on your child combined with a divorce is pretty off-the-scale in terms of stress.

It's hard because I dk how she's handling it at this point...whether she's coping well or not...but in general, I'd first make sure you get her a good therapist. She no doubt has many many confused feelings, shame and guilt. Most kids sadly think it was their fault so she may need a lot of reassurance that it absolutely wasn't. She may also think it's her fault the families broken up and you're so hurt and upset. Neither of these things are true of course but it may be hard for her to understand. Kids especially young kids think everything is their fault.
The therapist can deal with the deeper conflicted feelings, you as her mother just need to be her mother....try to keep her life as normalized as possible. Let her know you're there if she needs to talk, encourage her to talk, but don't push her. Listen as unemotionally as possible. She will look to you for clues on how she should feel...the more upset she sees you, the more upset she will get...and you don't want her to feel she needs to hold back because it upsets you too much (not saying you do this) I'm just saying if she sees horror, shame, disgust, rage...whatever she sees in you, increases these feelings in her. I'm not saying you can't be real, just that kids get their clues from the adults around them...so it's best if you don't get too emotional around her ...just support whatever it is "she's" feeling....she's looking to you for strength...as I said, you've got to be her rock. Despite how stressful and upsetting this is...the sooner her life gets back to her normal routines is best treat her normally as possible. Kids are more resilient than we realize. I dk how severe or extensive the abuse was but I know with a good therapist and mother that gives her confidence that she (you both) will make it through this just fine, will go a long way toward her getting through this. Just be a strong supportive mother...you've already done the best thing you could do... by protecting her and getting her out of the situation. I wish you the best and I'm sorry you both are having to go through this...hope this helps a little.

When I was little I didn't deal with the abuse I just forgot about it so this is a tough question. I do remember that I started day wetting though and I stopped talking for a large period of time. No one knew what was wrong (not even me) so no one could help me. I guess be on the lookout for stuff like this? I think because she is so young her behaviour is far more likely to change rather than her being able to talk about her feelings. Perhaps you could encourage her to talk about it? You could get her to keep a diary?

All good advice here. I just want to add my encouragement to get your daughter into therapy. Studies show that children (and adults) who deal with trauma right away have fewer long lasting issues. Look for a therapist who has training in childhood developement and works with young children. This is not only for your daughter, but for you too. A therapist should be able to help you what to do and what not to do.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. (((HUG)))

hi there, would just like to add to chat incase it's of any use to you. my son was sexually abused at the age of 5/6 by a cousin on his dads side. we split and there on is a mystery to what my son had goin on his mind. but i tell you this from the bottom of my heart no matter what later on in life when in her teens and she rebells, it will certainly come back to the surface and how its dealt with now will largely contribute to the reaction she displays.
every situation and victim is individual, however, just believing and addressing the incident, to acknowledge 'this did happen' will be her basis to build on in how she progresses. there wil be things later in life she may not want to talk with you about but don't feel offended or shut out, like all of us, she will just be trying to find her own answers to a time where things caused conflict and as in my situation with my son, who is 24 now, says if he never had me he don't no where he wud be.
i was just being mum and he ent doi so bad.imagine if he had a dad who believed him.

all of this advice here is good. first and foremost love on her... hug her, tell her you love her, just really support her. she will have so many emotions about what happened to her as she copes with this through the years and it is vital to her survival that she believes that she is loved and adored by you. as a parent, we can never be perfect and make all the right decisions regarding our kids, but if she is grounded in your relationship with her, she will be able to cope with this much better. i am so sorry that she and you both are having to deal with this. i am praying for you guys!

in all likelihood your daughter doesn't understand how she feels. she probably cannot express those feelings yet. She needs to know she is safe and can trust you. It is very important to have professional help. I would guess she is acting out.

Wishing you the best Teresa, Keep safe. Everyone is on your side pulling for you.

I can speak for myself as a now 30yo woman who was molested twice at the age of seven and then raped at the age of 10. I didnt understand what was going on at the time, i just knew it "didnt feel right" and that i KNEW it was wrong but I didnt know to tell. So it took the guy molesting me for a cpl of days in a row, and him HURTING me sending me to th ER at the age of 7 for me to understand I had to tell. I felt like I had lost my best friend, and like i had been freed all in one. I didnt quite know HOW to deal with it. My mom placed me in therepy and i dont really remember much after that. I will agree with everyone on here, love her, nurture her, do not let her think its her fault because ITS NOT! she needs to know that someone has her back, and that you will always have it. support is the biggest thing that most rape/abuse victims lack, so just be there for her, and make sure she gets counceling/therepy of some kind. HUGS to you!