I wanted to hear from others if things get better or have people experienced the same thing...
I was raped when i was 20 from an ex boyfriend a number of months after we broke up. He had called and sounded weird and said he was not well and that his friends were out of town and if i could come check on him. I was in the U then for nursing. So I thought to my self of course a friend in need, even if he was my ex. That turned out to be the worst night of my life, it shattered my trust in men in general, it also shattered my trust in me to be able to take care of my self and protect my self. I had at that time started to recover from undereating and stravaing my self. I remember coming home and telling my self it was better for everyone not to say anything, I love my family but i know they would want to get him for it i just wanted to forget. I guess i never dealt with it....today after a break up with a guy that I loved with all my heart I still wonder why did i pick someone like him, he never hurt me like that but well never took care of me, never tryed, I guess i was not worth it for him, even when we broke up he said I have to do this and i asked even if it meant totaly losing me forever...and he answered yes...my heart shattered into a million pieces brings me to tears even now, because i guess its painful to think of him not in my life at all ...even today when he called for a ride i said yes even thought i know i opens up the wounds again....anyway we broke up and we are friends but the break up was heart breaking and has triggered off all the same feelings, and I want to know if it ever goes away...the feeling like i was used and unwanted the feeling that i again let my self down by not standing up and
walking away....Today i look at my self and what i gave up to stay with him, i now deal with over eating...I in some ways feel like they have won over me...How do u mkae ur self stronge again, how do u do whats good for u and not what others want...how do u learn to love ur self again and lastly how do i learn to trust my self again with decisions.....
Posted on 05/15/08, 07:05 pm
honestly, i ask myself those same questions over and over again. people do say that life will get better, quit beating yourself up over something that is not in your control.give yourself a break... lighten up. take a load off. REMEMBER TO PLAY AFTER EVERY STORM... 
