Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

A couple things I'd like to say in response to your post. For one, in the 20 years of my sex addiction it never expanded beyond image based masturbation. Different people experience sex addiction differently, true it does escalate over time, since what was once stimulating can grow less stimulating. The key measure is the depth of ESCAPE it provides from the pain and issues of life.

2ndly - we are all responsible for our own happiness, no one can make us happy - this may sound harsh, it's not meant to be so. It's simply a fact that while it "feels" good to be on the receiving end of good news, affection, positive remarks etc. and "feels" bad to be on the receiving end of bad news, distancing, negative remarks, etc. ultimately it is us who decides what is good or bad, positive or negative. It is our perception that shapes our response to situations and it is our responses that trigger our own emotions. Therefore we are in charge of our own happiness whether or not you own it or don't own it - the decision to be happy is exactly that - a decision, a choice.

Oh I completely understand you dear - I lasted 18 years, and it really ISN'T the porn as much as it is the constant lying. And sorry, New Strength, it often DOES escalate, and if you can't trust your spouse, then who can you trust? The only good thing here is it seems that your husband recognizes the problem and is working to overcome, and to regain your trust. I think that is a HUGE step, and I wish you both the best of luck.

www.recoverynation.com is helpful

The only thing I regret is making this post here. The thing that sucks about this site is once you have pressed add you can not change or delete the posts or edit anything. I was embarrassed and didn't come back for days. I made this post in the midst of intense emotion and you know stupid things can be during that time. I shouldn't have replied to his post or this one, left it alone. This site has helped me feel worse or guilty for being hurt by it. I told him sharing a site will not work.



newstrength, in a relationship we are responsible for our partners happiness to an extent. I disagree with your remark. We share a life together. One shouldn't weigh down the other. I try not to hurt him and he should do the same. It's at the point I don't care anymore anyways. He can watch what he wants and I'll keep what I feel inside. The problems didn't start until I started to complain. Everywhere I go people seem to say in not so many words as long as he isn't actually doing with a real girl it doesn't matter. I can't fight the power. I don't care anymore.

I guess my next question should be, How do I learn to love his porn addiction?

Don't give up the fight! I suggest you read, "Out of the Shadows", Understanding Sexual Addiciton", by Patrick Carnes, PhD.. It is a true eye opener. I learned alot. What you will find out, by reading this book, is that there is some underlying cause of why your h is going to these sites. It is mainly to escape some deep underlying pain. Stress and anxiety can also add fuel to the fire and bring this addiction into it's cycle. I know it really hurts, and it seems inconceivable for you to understand what I am about to tell you, but really, right now, you're h needs you more than ever. You need to dig deep into his heart and find out what is truly bothering him. He is escaping from intimacy for some reason and you need to find out why. Show him compassion and love. You may find that he is willing to give it up, if you give him an emotional need that might be missing in your relationship. Good Luck!