Self-Injury Support Group

I just joined this website, and I already I find it very imformative. :).
Okay, heres my story. ...
It all started about, i think 4 years ago. I was still in highschool at that point and we all know how dramatic and painful highschool can be.. :(
I used to hang out with these two skinny girls, that always commented on how much weight they could loose, so in my head something went off saying, well they're skinnier then me, so I must need to loose more weight then them!.. That was the first trigger. I didn't actually start starving myself until a few weeks later..
My one friend, lets call her Trish*, Trish hooked me up with a guy.. He had broken up with his girlfriend just five minutes earlier... yeah, five minutes earlier, and we dated for 2 days, broke up, 2 weeks later, he asked me out again, I said yes again, and we dated again for 2 days again and the third time, he asked me out I said yes again but this time it lasted for 3 weeks. He ended it by telling me that I was a fat cow and he didn't want to be seen around town with me, and he would rather just be FWB, i had nothing to do with that. So that's when I started starving myself. I went 3 weeks without food, lost 30 pounds, was so happy with my weight, and had a good outlook on life except for the fact that I couldn't pay attention in school but those were the less of my worries.
This went on and off for 2 years. I was in my senior year of highschool. The e/d was on and off, on and off. My friends, Trish* and Jenni* were still commenting on their weight, and now mine, seeing as I was skinnier then them now. :). They were jealous. Every boyfriend I had had since the last guy they had conned them into breaking up with me. I don't know exactly what they told the boys. But whenever they broke up with me, it was always weight related or something along the lines of "i was told you were crazy..." After the 3rd guy I was over-whelmed and had gone through so many breakups my heart was crushed and I didn't think I could heal it. I was crying every night after school. I used to grab my skin with my nails to calm me down for the first few months. One day, I figured if that felt good, something else that could make more pain or even blood would feel even better!. I tried a razer one day, and i felt so relieved. I cut for a year, not too deep, just enough to see the blood raise to the surface. I graduated from highschool, stopped my e/d eventually,(it comes back every now and then), and my cutting subsided. I met a guy when I graduated. We went out for 2 years. Two years. .... We broke up because he didn't trust me. I went out to the bar with a bunch of my guy friends from work, and the b/f was going to work from 7pm-7am and I wasn't about to hang out by myself. So i went to the bar, i got really loaded, i couldn't even remember where I lived, so we went to a hotel, and there was 3 beds. 3 separate sleeping arrangements. Of course, I couldnt remember his phone number so I couldnt call. He freaked out on me when I got home the next day, saying something happened etc etc. I broke it off, we got back together, the first thing he said was "when are we gonna have sex?" It's been a very hard break-up. He was trying to mess up my friend's relationship with his girlfriend by saying that we messed around ... And I sent back everything that he gave me that meant something, ie, promise ring and circle of love necklace. Since I sent that back he's been leaving messages on my phone/facebook saying that I am a waste of space, i deserve to die, and that he hopes i get raped in my new apartment. Needless to say the knives came out..My two arms are filled with slits...My best friend from work Kyle* saw them, and comes to my apartment at night and watches me until I fall asleep. :). So, to finish the story, I am trying my hardest to stop this, and to get over him and to not let him bother me with whatever he says. ... If anybody has any opinions, to help me stop both of these, let me know:)

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Britt
Posted on 05/16/08, 10:05 pm