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Scared and unsure of my future..PLEASE help
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Hey all,
Sorry to have to burden you all with my problems but i dont know where else to turn. Im 30 weeks pregnant and i live with my fiance whom i have been with for 2 years now. When we ment with lived in different areas. It was quite a drive apart and different countys. He kept insisting that he wanted to take the relationship further and move in with me. I said i wasnt sure and where would we live. He said that he wanted to move to me rather then me move to him so that is what happened. We have now been living together for almost 1 and half years. As the months have rolled on he has gotten more and more moody and acts a little depressed. Ive constantly asked him whats wrong and asked him to open out to me but he never really has. He always just says its life. Well yesterday i brought it up again and said that i feel that maybe its me and i felt that maybe he didnt want to be with me anymore. He said that he loves me to bits and wants nothing more then to be with me. I kept pushing and pushing cause i knew something wasnt right and then bang. Out came the things thats causing all this. He told me that he wasnt happy living in this area and wishes he lives back home where he comes from. I was gobsmacked and that was not what i was expecting. I told him that i understood and that whatever he chose to do i wouldnt love him anyless for it. However now his at work today and im just sitting here crying and unsure of my future. Will he stay and make the most of whats here and enjoy life with me and his new baby once its born or will he move home and leave me as a single mother to bring up our baby. My hormones are all over the place and i just feel so alone. Im scared of being alone with this baby and having to care for it on my own once its born. I also cant help but hatre him for telling me this when im 30 weeks pregnant and not before we even pplanned to start a family. Im just all over the place and dont know what to do or where to turn. Any help, advice or guidance will be so much apprectated right now. Hope you are all well xxxxx Posted on 10/06/08, 09:10 am |
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First off take a deep breathe (easier said than done) second, know that whatever happens you have that beautiful child in your life and that your boyfriend still loves you. question not sure where you live but where I am the counties are close together could you guys maybe move close to his county and still be in your county? Sometimes its just a case of homesickness in most cases. When I got married 3yrs ago my husband wasn't sure he'd like it here (as I live way back in the country) but after a year of being here he loves it. :)I wish you tons of luck and prayers:) 
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I can understand his homesickness and perhaps he wanted to be with you so bad when he moved to you that he didn't think he would miss where he came from. You can't take it personal and especially since you two are still committed to the relationship AND you BOTH have a responsibility to be there for this baby you two have to figure out a compromise. Being homesick isn't something to become a single parent (either of you) over especially when you two still love each other. Can you guys move somewhere in the middle and make it a point to visit each other's families and friends regularly? Is it a huge deal for you to compromise and move to where he is from even if it's just for a few years? If I were you I would really consider his happiness as well and your baby's really... to me it sounds like a workable situation if you both compromise and give in a bit...
I wish you the best but do whatever you can to keep your family together and help your fiance be happier as well.
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Have u considered moving to his hometown? I wish u all the best but if you both love eachother and the baby and you dont want to end things...make it work. Its rough with hormones and your so far along but he may realize that being "homesick" is nothing compared to raising a child and being in a reltionship..Im sorry I just cant imagine. Good Luck
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thank you all for you help and advice. I know how he feels about being homesick as i have been there and done that in another relationship but the way i dealt with it was to visit my family as much as i could but his chosen to cut himself off from his family which i have told him will just make things worse.
Moving to his area isnt possible as he has been so lucky to get a job that he has that pays so well for what he does that he would be silly to let it go. Also that would make us financially unstable and thats not a good idea with a baby due soon. Also being my first baby i feel safe to have my mum round the corner to help me with any problems i might get as i suffer from depression and will need all the support that i can get. I really dont know what else to do other then tell him i know how he feels as ive been there and to try to get him to visit home more as he doesnt really visit home much at all and he wont even call home. People have to call him. Cutting himself off i know has made it worse but he just wouldnt listen to me
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Some times men freak out in their own way when there is a baby on top of other issues. My husband did the same with our first. Ours is a different road but having the baby (and coming soon) might be a trigger for these issues to take surface. I think that relationships are more important than places. We moved states away from my family and now we have a baby on the way and it's difficult not to be homesick but I'm with MY family- my husband and son and that is what really matters (to me)....
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Please don't take take what I'm saying wrong..But I've been there and after trying everything we divorced. He is very happy and so am I. We lived in seperate states but shared my son fairly and he really is a perfect kid!
Now the difference is we we're really different people when everything finally happened/BUT we were best friends for years! Until he remarried, but was ALWAYS there for my son! All I'm trying to say is stay strong for the baby and yourself (hold your immediate family close). I wouldn't move away from my family either, and I've never regretted that (but mom and I are VERY close) Living w/someone thats truly unhappy for whatever reason is no fun/and usually can't be changed (unless you want to move it sounds like?)! I wish you the best!! I'm sorry your hurting.....
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I wouldnt want to leave my mom either..we moved to my moms town so I could be close to my family...I didnt realize he wasnt visiting his family...I guess the balls in his court..He should visit and call and you should visit together and that should help but he has to want that I guess. Good Luck...
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