Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) Support Group

im actually crying right now reading your post. its so wonderful that you are doing this. most people have no idea what its like to be like me. and im not even as bad off as alot of others with pcos. im slightly overweight, but not too bad. i do have very dark hair on my arms, and quite a bit of dark scraggly hairs that make up my "beard and sideburns". it didnt used to be so bad, but its gotten much worse the past couple years. i also have a little hairy patch on my chest now, as well as long dark scragglers on my belly, and a patch of fuzz on my lower back/butt area. aside from the physical, i also suffered with infertility for almost 6years before i got pregnant with my son who will be 4 in a few weeks. i had 2 miscarriages last year as well, and thankfully now im 33weeks pregnant and so far so good. the m/cs were very hard to deal with. i knew what it was like to not be able to get pregnant, which was hard enuff, but when your body "teases" you with a pregnancy and then suddenly takes it away for no apparent reason its just awful. i couldnt understand why god and my body would do that to a person who wanted it so bad, and knew what a special gift it was to be pregnant. my body just never seemed to do what its s'posed to do my whole life. when i first got my period it was so heavy and lasted so long i got anemic. then i started having irregular cycles, and then skipping periods altogether. then i just couldnt get pregnant. when i did get pregnant, and went into labor i wouldnt dilate and the baby went into distress and i had to be put asleep for an emergency c-section. then when i tried to nurse it took 5weeks to make any actual milk, and then it was only an ounce or two all day, so i had to stop. it only took me a day to dry up. then the miscarriages happened. sometimes i wonder if i was really meant to be a woman. all the things im supposed to just be able to "do", i cant. and i have to live with a beard on top of it. im not a very vain person to begin with, so i guess that helps me cope with it, but it is still very hard. especially when my husband walks in on me when im plucking or i have to have him shave my backside for me. he loves me anyway, which is great, but i feel like crap knowing that im not quite the woman i should be for him. its hard too, when my little boy touches my chin and says "eew ,mommy you hairy". hopefully me being this way will help him learn to be compassionate and understanding of other people and their problems. if it helps him grow up to be a gentle sweet understanding man, then i guess it will have been worth it to live like this. thank you so much again for what you are doing. its just wonderful. god bless you!

I agree with Pattijo but also I feel that not only is my physical body what makes me a woman, but my soul and inner spirit. As much as my physical side of me frustrates me and betrays me, I try to focus on the "inner" me. Does that make sense?

As a woman with pcos,as princess k mentioned, you almost have to find your 'inner' femininity. Otherwise I feel completely unfeminine. I am 24 years old and I should be at my prime, but instead I am overweight, I grow man hair on my face and body, I have infertility issues, and I now have to be on an insulin regulator 3 times a day for probably the rest of my life, all because of the pcos. The things that crush my femininity the most are the hair problem (I don't even like it when my husband touches me because of it...I feel disgusting and hidious), and the infertility. For over a year I didn't even get my period...one of the defining characteristics of being a woman..and my body won't let it happen without being on meds. Same with infertility, a road that I am just starting to go down and will start treatements next month if I do not get pregnant this cycle. It is so frustrating and heartbreaking when you see other women at work, in your family, or even at the store, who are pregnant...many of them without even trying or even some who are so irresponsible that you wonder if they will be able to take care of a baby (take for instance, my 17yr old brother and his 17yr old girlfriend...). My eyes are tearing up as I think about it. I often ask myself what I did wrong to deserve this...and what I would give just to have a normaly functioning body...I just want to be NORMAL...that's all. But I try to be positive and do the best I can to accept myself the way that I am. I am so glad that you are shining a light on this subject, as many women have to go through this and the more exposure there is about the subject, the more people will understand.

Like these other ladies, I too feel like my body has betrayed me. I felt like an outsider in High School. I got my first period on my 12th birthday, but didn't get another one until I was almost 13. And then I had maybe 4 more until I was 15, then I just quit having them. When I went to the doctor, she just put me on Provera, and when I took them, I had a period. Then when the prescription ran out, I wasn't prescribed anything else until I was 22. Then I was prescribed the pill, and once again, I was able to have periods. But like the other time, once I stopped, I quit having a period.

I first heard of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was told my sister had it. I did some researching online and everything started to click into place. The reason I wasn't having a period, why I had to shave my legs and underarms everyday, why i had so much acne that was gross and painful, the dark patches of skin on my neck, underarms, and groin, the hair on my lower back, the mustache that I have to pluck, and how come I can't ever lose and keep weight off. But when I brought up the fact that my sister was diagnosed with my doctor, he just said, that I probably had it too. That was it.

I've always wanted to be a mother. I guess that's my one true dream in life. I never understood how a God that loved us all could allow children, and irresponsible women who hate children to have babies. It's hard, you know? Seeing someone who has 4 children with 4 different men screaming at her kids. Cussing them, telling them their dads hate them, and don't love them, but when they think the kids have been bad, telling them that she's going to send them to live with their daddies. Wondering what's wrong with you? How come everyone else gets pregnant at the drop of a hat, but you're still barren? Knowing that if you don't ovulate, you don't have a period, but could that be why you don't ovulate?

It's so refreshing to know that I'm not the only woman who has experienced these thoughts, and feelings. But disappointing at the same time knowing that I still have such a long road ahead of me trying to conceive.

Hi Ruschka

I am from Cape Town as well but living in JHB now last year i was diagnosed with PCOS in London while living there.

I am married now 24 years old and well had a misscarriage last month. I am overweight i weigh about 78kg i am supposed to weigh about 55kg. I have been seen a gyne they put me on glucophage to control my insulin levels and to help me lose the weight but since the misscarraige i kind of just went down really down i havent been able to think of anythign else really.

Its hard for me as a female to know that its goign to be hard for me to have children my husband supports me and tries to reasure me that everything will be fine but deep down as a female you should know thats why you were made isnt it to have children. Its hard for me as a female not to.

We would like to be pregnant by early next year again so i will keep my fingers crossed. I struggle with weight gain i cant lose the weight. I have severe depression,i have hairs on my chin and upper lip and sideburns i just feel like a man most of the time. I have a high level of testosterone hormone which is male hormones. I cant get my period normaly i have one about every 5-6 months if i am lucky off the pill.

So i really hope that you will be able to speak out about this. And its great to know that i am not alone as well.

I just really feel like a man right now and not a woman and its not fair. Its not fair that other people get to have children and be pregnant and here we are all waiting for a miracle to happen. But life is unfair.

Thanks

Liesel

I'm hairy, I'm fat, I can't have babies. Why not go the whole hog and make me a man?

I feel so fucking gross. Like some weird hybrid person thing. Like a freak.

I'm sorry if my post offends anyone, but this is just how I feel. Damn this syndrome.

danasaur, I'm not offended....I concur with you 100%. I have days where I feel pointless in even putting on makeup... like I have to play dress up to even feel remotely womanly. Keep the faith and press on sista. No matter what, you have to love yourself, "flaws" and all.

I feel like any of these other women posting could be me.
My parents wanted a son so badly. I was conceived after much tribulation on their part, only to be born female. They still wanted a son so badly that they adopted two.
I started my period very late compared to all my girlfriends, and was never regular. I often skipped 6 months at a time or bled for 6 months straight. The doctors never said that anything could be wrong with me.
When I could not conceive with my first husband I had laproscopic surgery and dye shot through my tubes. Nothing was wrong, so they said. Fertility drugs were to no avail. My marriage did not survive, so I moved on.
When I could not conceive with husband # 2, the doctor told me I had PCOS and was too overweight to EVER conceive.
I have felt for so long "Why was I made a woman when I can't have a child, especially when my parents wanted me to be a boy so badly (not that they don't love me)?".
Well, I am in marriage #3 and have, after 20+ years of infertility, conceived 3 times only to miscarry every time. This world is a cruel place, and PCOS was spawned from the very pit of hell.
I do everything I can do to look and act as feminine as I can, being a beautician helps. I wax and dye. I wear girdles and push up bras. I try to dress feminine with out being too overtly sexy. I am a woman and the sooner my body gets with the program...the better.
Thanks for listening...um reading.

I don't want children, so I have no idea if I have infertility issues or not. I've only got one ovary since I had to have one removed because of various problems. I have alopecia, so I'm not hairy at all. I have so few hairs on my legs that I could quite literally sit and count each hair, and I think I've got maybe 100 or 150 between both legs. Most of my arm hair and other body hair is also gone (including about half of my eyebrows and lashes, and 70-75% of the hair on my head). The worst is my weight fluctuations. I've been dealing with being fat and bald since I was a child. I've adapted to my lack of hair, it's the weight I'll never get used to.

I ALWAY'S FEEL LESS THAN A WOMAN..LIKE I'M NOT ALL WHOLE OR SOMETHING..I REALLY NEVER HAD A WOMAN TOO SIT DOWN WITH ME AND TELL ME BOUT A/F...SO WHEN I WAS COMING UP I THOUGHT NOT GETTING A/F WAS NORMAL...ONE DAY MY FATHER ASKED ME WAS I PREGNANT BECAUSE HE BOUGHT ME SOME NAPKINS AND I WASN'T USING THEM..I SAID NO..BUT COME TOO FIND OUT I WAS..I WAS 13 YRS OLD AND HE MADE ME GET AN ABORTION...BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I HAVE PROBLEMS...I DO URNE FOR A CHILD..I FEEL THAT'S WHAT WOMAN IS PUT HERE FOR....IV'E BEEN TTC FOR 2 1/2 YRS NOW IT'S BEEN ALONG ROOOOAAADDD..IV'E DONE 6 MONTHS OF (CLOMID) AND 2 ROUNDS OF (ANASTROZOLE) AND HAD (2) UNSUCESSFUL (IUI) DONE...I JUST HAD A SURGERY CALLED (OVARIAN DRILLING) THAT'S FOR OVULATION...SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP BECAUSE IV'E COME TOO REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING IS NOT MEANT FOR EVERYONE......AS SPEAKING FOR ALL THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR LISTENING