Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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HELP! had to leave restaurant...
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Hi...
Faced with another no-win situation. We were at the local pizzeria; he started using foul language. I asked him not to (as there was a youngster about 4 near us). He then said the f word two more times, just to upset and embarrass me. Then I walked out of the restaurant and went to the movies (as we were supposed to go there anyway). He's so illogical. I had been at home contentedly watching the news and awaiting the story about Mother Teresa; he calls and says "come on down, let's go to the movies and have pizza beforehand". So I rushed down there. Anyway, there was very little time (20 minutes) before the movie started. I explained it wasn't time enough to eat. It's always so convoluted and "he said she said". He tells me he doesn't want to go out in public with me because I always "make a scene". I wasn't aware that commenting on his language and asking him not to speak so crudely was making a scene?! It's sad. He says "I'm 54 years old and I'll talk however I goddamn well please" (or some such words). Man, I can't win for losing. Any advice?! It would be greatly appreciated. The counselor just thinks we're a couple of twits 'cause we argue over the stupidest things. Sigh. Posted on 10/05/07, 03:10 pm |
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How embarrassing for you. I'm no prude but why would anyone want to make themselves look ignorant in public? Not to mention the "little ears" that pick it up. 
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That's very true. His point is that I'm constantly trying to "regulate his behavior". Well, "hello!" If it's overly crude, I'm going to continue to ask that he not speak that way...
When we get out for walks in the fresh air, it seems to help his spirits/nerves, so I should probably try to take walks with him a couple of times a week. Thanks for your reply.
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Arguments about nothing but about everything. My home life is very much a row about a mark left on a bench is really about me being BP etc and not at work. Its an enigma wrapped in a mystery inside a puzzle.
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Arguments about nothing but about everything. My home life is very much a row about a mark left on a bench is really about me being BP etc and not at work. Its an enigma wrapped in a mystery inside a puzzle.
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I think that your counselor is a twit. This isn't stupid. What he did is humiliating and that is what abusers do.
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He sounds like he has not quite grown up yet.I would have walked out also. he does not have the right to ruin everyones dinner just because he is unhappy.
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This isn't about the language, crude though it is. This is about his desire to humiliate you in public. His use of curse words around children is further proof of his sense of entitlement. He is being verbally abusive.
I can't imagine any counselor thinking anyone is a twit. He probably recognizes this situation for what it is and is waiting for you to see it.
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Thanks, everyone...
I am trying to achieve a degree of inner peace that will allow me to just "get up and go" when I'm being devalued in any way. I deserve better than that. And, actually, when I value myself, correspondingly, he will probably value me more. What I said about the counselor was not actually any verbatim account of his phrasing. I was just embarrassed by our "one and only" joint session because it was marked by obvious discord and immature behavior on our parts. There was a lot of talk, but not a ton of actual content. I am hopeful for the future, though. When I try to shore up my partner's self-esteem (which I do all the time), he grows and becomes a better person. He had a HORRIBLE childhood. I know that does not excuse his behavior, but it does explain a bit.
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I don`t know your story, but my question to you is why are you spending any time with a
person like this? I would be very humiliated and annoyed. I wouldn`t have anyone like this in my life. I left my abusive husband 15 years ago and would never make that mistake again.
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K, my hubby never swore at me until about 10 years into the marriage. We did argue though. When he started swearing and wouldn't stop, I didn't know what to do and I went to a therapist. The therapist said it was only a matter of time before he assaulted me, because swearing is usually the start and then it escalates. I sort of looked at her and thought, uh, no way. I could not ever see that happening. He just wasn't like that.
Well, shockingly about 2 or 3 months after that statement, that is exactly what happened. I couldn't believe it. I think you better be careful.
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