Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I think once an abuser always an abuser, but that is me. My ex did the same, he went on to do the same exact thing he did to me to three other ladies. One I went to and warned simply because she had four little babies...and I was right, he was mean to her as well.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for five years before we broke up. I wanted to believe he would change, but he never truly did for me, always comparing me, alway using me, always criticizing me, manipulating me, etc., drained my savings, etc. I kept thinking what if he changed, etc? What if I wasn't there when he changed and some other woman got a better version of him? I honestly doubt it, but I do not know what happened, as I lost track of him. I can only assume he continued his pattern. I know it hurts but you can get through this - no one deserves to take this kind of abuse for any reason.

for 13 yrs I prayed my h would change,I did everything I could for the sake of our 'family'.and yes he cheated to;of course it was always my fault according to him,I have come to realize he will never be happy with anyone until he learns to open his heart and truly love

Rose, I admire your compassion and your concern for the new person in your ex's life. I have the same concern because my ex was not only verbally and emotionally abusive to me, he was to his mother also. This past year he has moved in with his mother, and my heart and prayers go out to her every day, because I worry that she will spend some miserable days with him. He tends to take all his frustrations out on those closest to him, and never takes responsibility for his own actions. I do know, however, that his brothers have been informed about his behaviors to me and my children, so hopefully they will be keeping a close eye on the situation.

As much as your heart may break for what she might be going through or what she might be subjected to eventually, unfortunaltely it is something you have little control over. You will be characterized as the bitter ex if you try to warn her, so you really have no credibility. The problem with emotional abuse is that there is no record - except the divorce proceedings - that can give any potential partner any clue as to his past behavior. If you were physically abused and police were called, there would be that.

The system is not perfect, and right now you need to concentrate on what it is going to take to get yourself healed. This might sound like I am telling you to be selfish, ok I am, but one thing is for sure - that if you get too involved in trying to save someone else, your own recovery will be jeopardized. This is a time to focus on YOU, and pray for this new woman that it doesn't take her as long and as much of an emotional investment as you had to figure this guy out. Know that if she does suffer in any way, that it IS NOT YOUR FAULT - it is his. Very little that you could do right now will have any impact on this relationship, so simply turn this over to a higher power and focus on your own healing. I have realized that the only thing I can do for my mother-in-law, is pray.

To Rev Patty, I did not mean that I care about this Other woman at all. What I meant was that if he verbally abused me is it likely he will be that way with the next person in his life, or did I just bring out the worst in him? I hated the feeling that I was not good enough. At least that is what you feel. I did not understand because at work I would get such praise and respect from people I worked with or my customers, but how come I couldn't get if from my life partner? No, I am not the least bit concerned for the other woman. It hurts me because I loved my ex
and my children and I divorced because of the abuse. Sometimes I wonder if he ever loved me to treat me that way. He always told me or left notes daily underlining love. Unfortunately, his actions were different.