Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Hmm, I'm skeptical of his claims as well, but usually Oprah only invests in reputable professionals. Nonetheless, I wish there was a program like this available in Canada. My ex is currently incarcerated for charges related to domestic violence and if he pleads guilty in the next few months I get some input into his sentencing and program requirements while he's in jail. I wish I could find a program like this for him to at least go to while he is locked up. Even if it didn't work, I don't think it could do any harm in trying. Maybe I'm just hopeful because we have a baby on the way in September and he won't be released from jail for about 2 years. In the back of my mind I always pray for some sort of miracle to happen and for things to work out even though I completely understand that is unrealistic...Anyway, enough with my babbling. This site is informative and gives me a little bit of hope for the future even though the program itself is completely inaccessible to me. Hopefully, other people will comment on what they think as well. I would be interested in reading the replies to this man's claims.

I too am skeptical because I think first the abuser has to admit that he is wrong then he can maybe do the treatment. But from what I have seen of my ex he doesnt think he is wrong at all. And where would that help him?? And the thing is that the treatment is for men who are incarcerated or could be if they do not complete the program. Well the program sounds a lot better than taking parenting classes like my ex has to! And when he finishes those he can take my son overnight! Oh well I am sure it is still in the early stages reguardless of what Oprah endorses. It is just something to give us false hope I believe. And besides it is too late anyway for me the damage has already been done and I am getting over it. All I care about is him not making an influence on my boys that is all.

ANYBODY HEAR OF THE PARENTING CLASSES HELPING TOO??

I agree with you, Jordan. It most definitely can't hurt and some of them, I like to think, would benefit in some small way, even if they're forced into it.

Upstate, I, too, am too damaged so if my guy was to suddenly come to me saying he'd changed, I'd NEVER believe him in a million years OR it would take a million years of him proving it to me every day and every way! Lots of tests! No chance of that, though.

I do believe that some are not too far GONE and could possibly be helped but like you said - they have to ADMIT they have a problem in the first place. Mine does admit it quite frequently but says that he's who he is and it's TOO hard to change. I just said ok, he would die a lonely old man, then, because no woman could be on the receiving end of his hatefulness and still love him and want to be with him.

That is an interesting article. Here's the but, the abuser has to first acknowledge that he (or she) is indeed abusing someone. Then, he has to empathize with the pain and hurt he has caused another. Then, he has to want to change. Finally, he has to learn about and implement the change.

With the brief article I read, it doesn't mention much but teaching him about healing.

With the case of my ex, he refused to acknowledge that he ever was responsible for anything at all in his life. It was always someone else doing something to him or others. He can't even get beyond that to learn that he has masked aggression and so forth.

It's interesting and worth looking in to, but he makes it sound like a miracle cure or something.

Jordan, call Lundy Bancroft.

Yep. Lundy Bancroft is "my man" too.

I thought Stosny was great when I read his book, "You Don't Have To Take It anymore". I recommended it all over. Then he coauthored "How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking Abot It" and it was such a mysogonistic rant (puke) that I just can't read him again. Anyone who can write such ghastly nonsense has to be nothing short of an abuser, I think. I don't get why the change, but there it is and that is enough for me.

I suggest you check out his books THOROUGHLY at Amazon.com and do Google searches on him, and be sure to read what is said by those who aren't his fans.

But I did like his first book and I would love it if someone couls tell me why he changed so utterly.

Sorry, I think I misunderstood the previous posts somewhat. I'm just wondering why I am supposed to "call Lundy Bancroft"; is it because reading his books could offer insight and help for myself or is it because somehow his knowledge and writings could help my ex? Sorry for the confusion, I just wanted to get some clarification from you guys. :)

Maybe this will help:

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl...

You could also check out Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" at amazon.com .

I hav e to honestly say that knowing why he does it is not something I want to read about. He does it and that is it there is no reason to try to figure it out cause as I have found in all of my behavioral assessments and interventions of my students that each one is different. A book is only going to give you underlying facts. And not why your particular ex did it. I dont want to dig up that much into it I just want to move on. If it helps others to know why I am for it. But I think we need to work nore on our own selves rather than try to figure out our abusers. Try to figure out your own life first really that is the hardest battle to be fought.

Upstate, a good reason to know WHY (which was an obsession of mine after I left) was for me to make sure I could spot it early enough to never happen again. One thing that frightened me to death was virtually every woman I met who had been abused had been abused by more than one man. I wanted to make sure that it didn't happen to me.