Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

1. He was very attentive.
2. A little jeoulous.
3. Handsome.

A red flag from my boyfriend was he was quite disrespectful about my wishes.

His past relashionships and his fanancial situation.

1. He would apologize only when he hit me where it was visible. Or use it to bring me back.

2. My boyfriend got worse as soon as a 'particular event' happened (ie issues with police)... he put his stress on me..., he hated everyone, and felt like the world was out to get him, he even says his own son would do things to 'rain on his parade' of happiness. He couldn't stand me spending time with other people or not paying attention to him. If he caught me reading he would get very angry. He said he was teaching me how to cook, clean, and take care of himself because I was incompitent and it was for my "own good"

He also said i need to warn people I'm retarded...

3. I should have discussed his age...he was 18 years my senior... or so i think... he kept changing his age when I asked... so i don't really know for sure.

1. Describe 3 qualities of the abuser when you FIRST met him.


Friendly, reasonable, polite


2. Name one red flag you noticied but ignored BEFORE you married him.


Inability to participate in conflict resolution


3. Name TWO things which you SHOULD have discussed with him before you married the abuser, which you clearly did NOT, but should be discussed be any potential life partner.


1) HOW to resolve conflicts

2) Sharing of finances, property and running of the home.

I was married to my stbx fof 31 years, and we were together for 7 years before that. There was a gradual change from the occassional argument and the being unreasonable.. The abuse became increasingly bad in the last 10 years, and I believe that his decision to deal with pain by drinking was the underlying cause of his inability to any longer control his abusive nature. So back, 38 years ago.....he was a different man, still, there were signs.....

1. Qualities: Fun, successful, lots of friends, sensitive, made me feel so important and so safe.

2. Bad temper over things I felt were non-issues. Intimidation to get what he wanted. And this wasn't before, but right after we got married, He wanted me to sign a post nuptial agreement. So blindsiding, and changing the rules to suit his needs.

3. How we would resolve a disagreement Distribution of household work.

We discussed and had worked out many things before we got married, but as he turned into the monster he became,a controlling but depressed alcoholic, none of that mattered. He had to have his way. It wasn't a jekyl and hyde thing. He just changed, slowly but surely, every day into someone I didn't know.

I was married to my stbx fof 31 years, and we were together for 7 years before that. There was a gradual change from the occassional argument and the being unreasonable.. The abuse became increasingly bad in the last 10 years, and I believe that his decision to deal with pain by drinking was the underlying cause of his inability to any longer control his abusive nature. So back, 38 years ago.....he was a different man, still, there were signs.....

1. Qualities: Fun, successful, lots of friends, sensitive, made me feel so important and so safe.

2. Bad temper over things I felt were non-issues. Intimidation to get what he wanted. And this wasn't before, but right after we got married, He wanted me to sign a post nuptial agreement. So blindsiding, and changing the rules to suit his needs.

3. How we would resolve a disagreement Distribution of household work.

We discussed and had worked out many things before we got married, but as he turned into the monster he became,a controlling but depressed alcoholic, none of that mattered. He had to have his way. It wasn't a jekyl and hyde thing. He just changed, slowly but surely, every day into someone I didn't know.

1. Charming..attentive, and giving.

2. Starting a row with a barman over his drink not being full enough. And saying his ex was a bitch.

3. How he would like to resolve conflict. And why he hated his mother.

3 Qualities.. Well liked by others; very intelligent; confident

He had uncontrollable anger issues.


Things not discussed... MY plans, goals and dreams. I brushed them off, because I always put him first.

1. qualities on first date: evasive, handsome, critical that I was 10 minutes late

2. Red-flags: elusive, critical that I was 10 minutes late! HEL-LO! LOL

3. 2 things I should've discussed before marriage:

We were engaged. we talked about a lot of topics. But I think I had blinders on, he had 3 kids from his previous wife and they were all spoiled rotten.

1.charming, handsome, funny
2.controlling, self centered, quick to anger
3.we talked about everything...who knows what were lies..

Another red flag is that he always wanted our "personal issues" to be kept private. He didn't want me to have any kind of support system. I was supposed to keep everything inside or just talk to him about things.