Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

If you were able to go back and change things, it doesnt necessarily mean things would be better. Cry it out, or better yet go exercise for 15 minutes...it is okay to have down days. Stay strong

No, No, No, you're swimming in a fast current. That's all. Even in a riptide if you stop going against it, it will eventually bring you back to shore.
Well, you're having a weak moment and I've had a million of my own that I could scream about, but it's a long, arduous process.

Distract yourself with a movie or a bubblebath with People magazine or something and give yourself a quick reprieve,

Thanks for the replies. I hope I wash ashore soon. Today sucks!

I can relate. After the "big blow-up," in the week that followed, I tried very hard not to make things any worse that they already were. I did stand up for myself, but I tried very hard to communicate in an assertive way, but it didn't make any difference. My husband put his energy into leaving and not mending any fences.

I'm glad you're on-line giving advice and support. I think we can all be objective with others, but with ourselves it's hard to do so because of all the emotions we are struggling with.

Keep yourself active. Inactivity is our enemy. When we aren't doing anything we have a chance to sit and dwell. To borrow a phrase from AA, When I got busy, I got better.

Honey, try not beating up on yourself for your past. The person we all were when we were inside our abusive relationships is so different from the person we are outside of it. We did the best we could to survive in an environment of hate and manipulation. Yes you are having a weak day, we all have them. But its just a day and then its over. Pretty soon it's just an afternoon, and then its just an hour and then phfft. Its gone.

Hey Amanda,
Head vs. heart...that has been quite the quandry indeed. Woman are wired to develop a strong connection to a man whom we give ourselves to. Even though I think about how horrible I felt in certain situations, I question myself too...The thing is...he had no patience with my feelings or flaws period. I had way too much patience for his. Mark your days off on your calendar of no contact. Each day with n/c does feel like a HUGE accomplishment, doesn't it? I feel right now that if my exbf called, I just might snuggle in for a pleasant conversation filled with "I know we both have things to work on-s" and "We should just get married-s" and forget everything, cause when we have a house, and a new life together, and both are working on our issues, we'll be this happy, adorable couple who sing together at church, right??? WRONG!!! You can do it, girl. I know how hard it is. I know, I know, I know! I am kinda lonely tonight, myself. One day at a time. Eat some ice cream.

Feeling like you are drowning today is part of the process. Trust me, you won't really drown and come out feeling like a winner if you persevere. We here at daily strenght are willing to give you all the support you need. The truth is that you could not have done anything different to stay in the relationship. A good book for you to read, I read it already is "Why Does He Do That"? Lundy Bancroft is the author's name. Give yourself a star on the calendar for everyday you stay away from him.

Thanks girls. I really like the idea of marking it on the calendar. I never thought to do that. I'll try that. I do feel better each day I don't call him. Especially since one of the last things he said to me was, "You'll second guess yourself. You'll be back." I don't want to prove him right. Thanks!

it is so hard to feel alone and unloved.But he didn't love me to do this so I guess it is better to be lonely and loved by someone who does love you .

They always think we'll be back, cause they set it up and manipulate us in a way where we want them to "love" us again. Girl, we are NOT going back! My fear is that if I don't call him, he'll call me at some point. I hope I can be strong enough either way- whether he calls or doesn't...