Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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My fiance`
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For nearly three years my fiance' has abused me in various ways. I no longer have privacy. I have at one point found a key logger on my computer that was installed by him, that told him everything I had ever typed, looked at, or whatever website i have been at. The so called 'friends' I have I cannot speak to anymore, after finding out that they have been 'reporting' back to him anything I say to them.
He at one point actually sent one of his friends to spy on me and my friends because he apparently thought we were plotting against him. When we were in the earlier stages of our relationship he would read my posts from various forums and read when I was upset at him so he would know when to pick up flowers and apologize to me. Because a video I had made pertaining to SI material he deleted my photobucket and youtube accounts. He searched through my history and found what site I kept a journal on, read the entries didn't tell me about it until months later so he could continue reading my journal entries. no matter how much I change passwords or clear my history, it's never enough. I really am so tired of it. he would also use my SI as a way to capture my attention, when ever I SIed and didn't tell him he would threaten to leave, tell my mother, call the cops etc. I believe he just used this as a way to get me to gravel at his feet (metaphorically) and tell him how stupid I was and how sorry I was. Till this day, when I SI I have to show him. And it's humiliating. while my computer has only one password on it his has at least three, he knows all of my passwords for everything, my computer, different website profiles etc yet I know none of his passwords. at one point he took to looking through my phone records to see if I was calling anyone 'suspicious' not to mention various other forms of mental abuse, and sexual abuse. He constantly pays more attention to his computer than he does to me. He has most recently discontinued any closeness we have other than sex. We rarely talk, rarely cuddle etc. I just don't know what to do Posted on 01/25/08, 11:01 pm |
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You do need to get out of the relationship, but you ned to realize why for yourself to prepare yourself to be bale to do so. Meaning to just bale, with eh emotional attatchment and feelings you do have, will be extremely hard for you. What you may need to do as hard as it may seem is look at the situation as objectivly as you can, ie: wihtout feelings, thinking from your mind, not your heart. You obviously love him, but are his actions good for you, are they conducive to a healthy relationship? Is he controlling? Jealous? And is this the type of person you wan to be married to no matter what your feelings are? Is your love for him worht being in a relationship that could very well drive you insane, destroy your self esteem? Ask yourself some hard questions. If it were a freind in this situation, what would youradvice be? do not let your emotions fool you into staying in something that is very unhealthy for you.... and for him. This is emotional abuse and you may not be aware of it, and what it can do to you. please read my thread "is this emotional abuse? How to heal".. my es would constantly check my e-mails and phone and I'd let her as I had nothing to hide, her suspicion still grew to the point that I could not calm or address her insecuritues and it ruined us... after buying a house and setting a wedding date, and I was the one who was severly devestated. It sounds like your love is more sincere and true for him, jealousy and lack of trust are not love, and if he leaves you before you decide, you may feel even more despondent and wondering what you did... becasue you loved him so much you accepted and put up with som much of his issues... to be left in the end. nothing is more hurtful and frustrating. Wish the best for you. 
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If you leave him now, in 5 years time you will wonder what the hell you were doing in that relationship and how you bore it for 3 years. You will have moved on with your life, and be 100% happier. Believe me. xx
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It sounds to me like he is very controlling and I am in agreement with the others...it is a sign of things to come. I am sure you do have good feelings for him but how can you love someone you can't even trust? Not trying to sound dumb here but what is SL? ( shruggs not sure) I happen to agree with everything tpop said.... you are so young you have your whole life ahead of you.
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Why are you still with this guy??? He has total control over everything you do! Do not get married! No one has the right to treat someone like this. We are all given one life to live and we should live it to the fullest. We all deserve to be happy! Please know you are worth it and get away from him!!! If you need to talk let me know.
PS ~ incase he is reading this ~ You are a real POS who needs to get a life!
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You are not just looking at th negative here. You are looking at reality. What he is, not what you want him to be. You are not free. You are a hostage.
I was afraid to be alone to. But, when it came down to waht was I more afraid of, being alone, or losing my mind, I was even more afraid oflosing my mind. As the escalation continued, I was even more afraid of being hurt physically, maybe even dying. I had no money, no place to go, and couldn't take anything with me except what I could stuuff in a few garbage sacks. I called a DV crisis line and wham! They had me out of there and safe. What I found was... I wasn't alone. They provided me with a safe place to be. They had money's to help me with the things I needed. They took me everywhere I needed to go. They helped with EVERY fear I had. They still continue to, even tho I am no longer at the shelter apt. I met a great group of women who understood me and had been through it. Women who had been through much worse than I, who were courageous and strong and getting healthy. he DV program had money to help me with medical and mental health costs. With in the first 24 hrs, I was immensly relieved, and relaxed. No eggshells and lass. When I talked, I was listened to. I was so supported and continue to be. Please Butania, at least call your local crisis line and talk to them about what's going on. They will listen. They know what they are doing. You don't have to leave to call, or get frre DV counseling. Leaving is a person choice, on your own time. They will help you sort through what's going on, help you with a plan to leave should you choose to do that. PLease stay safe. You are strong, even tho you may not feel that way right now. You deserve a much better life and there is one to be had for you. {hugs}
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RUN, RUN while you still can!
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