Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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What is wrong with me?!!!
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Just when I think I'm getting better I start pineing away for him! It makes me feel like a giant loser but I do it anyway! I know my "perfect" life with him was fake. I know he's a sick man who can't possibly love me after what he did to me. I wish I could quit thinking about him. It was 15 years of my life though and a lot of good memories along with the bad. I wish I could rewind and somehow do things differently so that we didn't end up like this. My heart is broken and I just want the pain to end! I think I should post some more abuse pictures in my profile so that you can all help me pull my head out of my a$$!!
Posted on 12/19/07, 04:12 pm |
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How could a man go for a woman as bad as he did you? This was more than taking a shot or two at you, you were battered!!Don't you feel the physical pain to this day? What kind of a person does this? I have to try to absorb all you have been through!!!!!!!!!!!!11 
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I distinctly remember telling my therapist "He didn't mean to do to" when he threw me out the front door. That was the part of me that didn't know I deserve respect. I was dependent on him and didn't think anyone else would ever love me.
We are still together but ONLY because he is working on himself. We have been married 38 years. He is on meds and going to therapy. There has been one outburst this year and I was livid. He went to the therapist the next day. You miss him because you remember the good times. Remember the bad times ,honey. He would still be the same,wouldn't he? This is hard for my husband but he's doing it. He has never touched me again but has yelled and screamed at me in that one outburst. Had he hurt me or my things,I would be gone forever.....and he knows that. I'm so sorry for your pain.
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It's going to be hard for you but try remembering the bad things he's done instead of any good times. When I used to miss my ex-husband I would put on this song called I WILL SURVIVE & it seemed to help me through it. Made me feel stronger.
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I can truly relate to how you feel. Even through all of the physical and emotional abuse I still feel like I want to know how he is doing. I have come to realize that what I was feeling was actually me being codependant. I didn't know about what codependancy was until I signed onto DS. Leaving a toxic relationoship is hard but not impossible. You need to find ways to leave emotionally as well as physically. I have found that leaving physically is easy but because I still emotionally attached to him I would continue to go back to him.
The last time I was with him he threatened to kill me. I was so ashamed of my toxic relationship with Mike that wouldn't even tell people on DS that he had come back into my life after leaving numerous times. I currently have a temporary restraining order on my exbf. Friday is the official court date in which the judge will hopefully grant me a permanent restraining order against him. If you want to talk further let me know. Feel free to read my journals especially the one from october 5th. That describes one incident where I recieved the bruises that I posted on DS.
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