Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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hi, I am 25 years old. I met a man about 3 months ago..the first month was like a dream come true, he was compassionate and kind..I really thought "finally..I met a great guy." Then, he started becoming distant..saying kind of mean things, like "sometimes I wonder how you got through college" after I make a statement. He would not call as much and if I asked him why he didn't call me back he'd laugh it off and make me feel like I was "acting crazy", "being a typical girl that was going to start irritating him". I finally got tired of it and felt like I was only there for his convenience/sex..when I tried talking to him about it he blew me off..said I was "acting crazy." said he "wasn't sure if I was the one for him and just wanted to continue casually and see what happens." we then got into a huge fight where we called each other names, etc...I apologized a few days later and he never did..he never said sorry for anything he said. ignored me for a few days..then out of stupidity I slept with him on a whim the other night..he was his passionate self again- treating me like a princess with wine and candles and music..then the next day we both worked all day and didn't speak much..today I texted him to ask if he would want to go to a music festival with me a few weeks away (I know..I am dense sometimes and don't get the clue)...he didn't even respond to me. He did this after the fight too..would ignore me..play the silent treatment game..I feel like he is deliberately trying to hurt me. I mean he coulda said "Im not sure" or even No for all I care!! But at least answer me instead of ignoring me as if I don't exist..and after that big night of what he called "passion", now you just ignore me? I can't stand this..why can't I just move on? why is he treating me this way?
Posted on 07/12/08, 07:07 pm |
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hello. i'm sorry you are having to go through this. he is being verbally and emotionally abusive to you. his back and forth and ups and downs with talking bad to you, ignoring you, acting like nothing is wrong and then being kind to you are all abusive and what is called crazymaking. they keep you confused to keep control over you.
go to a site called www.youarenotcrazy.com. i think this will help to explain his behavior. this is not your fault. you do not deserve to be treated this way. if you have feelings for him, then you are probably hoping this will work out and he will turn around and change and treat you well and love you. chances are this will not happen because he is an abuser. i don't normally tell people what to do. in fact, very rarely will i give advice on whether or not to stay or leave. however, you have been in this relationship for only 3 months. he is being very abusive and this is most likely not going to change. in fact, it will get worse. i can promise you that. so, i think it would probably be best if you cut all ties with this abusive man and work on your self-worth. you are worth loving and being treated with loving kindness. a healthy loving relationship does not change with the direction the wind blows. please think about this and leave now while you can still save yourself and not have further emotional damage. no one is worth this pain, especially after 3 months of dating. take it from me, i was in it for over 5 years and it just escalated. take care hon, and big hugs. 
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I agree with the others. You need to get out before you have any more emotional investment in him,because the longer you play this "game" with him, the tighter he will reel you in and wear down your self-worth.
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It's all about control and keeping you off-balance. It is not even close to love. Trust me, I have been there...I thought he loved me, but he didn't know what love is. I was involved for one year...if we have to try that hard to feel love and security from a man, it is not worth it. I am so ready to meet a man who things flow easily with. It is not worth the drama! God bless...
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Go please before he hurts you worse. It is not a healthy relationship and it will only hurt you in the end and make him feel better.
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He's a jerk. The question is why are you treating yourself this way?
All of us have been in relationships where the object of our affection is aloof and keeps us at arms reach. Yes, it keeps us coming back for more. But enough. You deserve more. My guess is if you cut him off - he'll come back with more wine & music. Practice (even write it down in preperation) your response - use it - and stick to it. Have faith in the fact (yes ... fact) that there is a terrific guy waiting for you.
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