Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I don't know if this will help but I got mad! how dare you threaten my life and treat me this way!!!! we deserve so much more.... some of what you said was my life to........ it's hard but you have the strength inside you...and if you are questioning it then you know it's time. be smart about it make a plan if you have to go somewhere that he doesn't know where you are and get your head together.... there should be free legal counseling in your area and go from there..

I don't know if this will help but I got mad! how dare you threaten my life and treat me this way!!!! we deserve so much more.... some of what you said was my life to........ it's hard but you have the strength inside you...and if you are questioning it then you know it's time. be smart about it make a plan if you have to go somewhere that he doesn't know where you are and get your head together.... there should be free legal counseling in your area and go from there..

First of all, burying your problems in alcohol is only going to add fuel to an already raging fire. It is good that you see the need to stop, the next step is to DO IT.

Legal counsel is also a good idea, especially if you have joint property. 8 years will constitute a "common law" marriage in most states, so you will/may have to basically go through many of the same motions as a formal divorce, even though you were never legally married. Only an attorney who is well versed in the laws of your state with regard to joint property rights and the extent of rights on common law marraiges can advise you about the physical details of a legal separation from him and fair distribution (as well as the "definition") of the joint assets.

This, however, just addresses the mechanical aspects of separating yourself from him. YES, you DO deserve better treatment than this, and if you have been his "servant," then he is not treating you as an equal partner and in a loving or caring way. Understanding that you DO deserve this helps you to gather the strength that you need to leave. One thing you may try is counseling, as it can help you find the right ways you can affirm yourself and help you realize that you are a worthwhile human being that deserves the same respect as any other human being.

Also, you don't have to apolgoize for what you say, or for not even knowing what to ask for. We are all here for each other, and for the most part, we have all lived what you are going through in one way or another. I know that I speak for many when I say that ANYTHING I can do to make someone's escape from this type of relationship only helps in my own healing. If sharing my experience in any way helps someone else through theirs, I know that I did not suffer in vain.

Welcome to DS. I would like to encourage you to continue posting, venting, asking for help, or whatever you feel like you need to do at the moment. That is what this site is here for, and there are a LOT of wonderful people on this board that only want you to make your situation better one way or another.

tink22 has the right idea, when you find your anger you will find your strength, it doesn't have to be uncontrolled rage, just anger at the audacity of the way you are being treated.

Stop drinking. It isn't helping, it is making things worse. I can't fix you, I can only tell you that I lost an aunt to alcoholism, and she was abused too. Now she is gone. I drank, but it never did me any good except spend money I needed elsewhere.

Take it from somebody who has been there, when you stop drinking you will see your world with new eyes and have strength you never thought possible.

Alcohol is known to make you feel more nervous, you are actually ruining your nerves by drowning your sorrows in it.

Just my opinion, take it or leave it.

Yeah, when I protested, or brought up concerns about the way I was treated, my ex would go into a tirade and call me names and tell me I needed to take responsibility...la la la. I could go on and on as well...can't we all??? They are the only ones who don't see how just totally crazy their behavior is. Or they see it, but want us to be crazy as well. What a mess! Just think...8 years is a long time, but do you want to let 8 more years pass, be 46, and thinking you need to leave??? Get out while you are young and while you still have so many years ahead of you. You will be very sad at first, maybe, but in time it becomes so much more clear. Have you read the books on verbal abuse by Patricia Evans? I like the one called, "The Verbally Abusive Man...Can He Change?" I went through and highlighted every last thing he had said and done to me that was listed in that book under abusive behaviors. And I added my own. It was amazing and sad to see it in print like that. Maybe that would help you too. Well, good luck, and God bless. Just remember...It is easy to feel isolated...like you really can't do it. Like he is your world. But you can. There are so many who have. You can too.

Hi - I agree with what everyone has written to help you. But I believe you know what you must do. Leave.

So you own a house together? Let the law in your state verse you on you rights. Call a Women's Shelter and seek advice regarding attorneys who can assist you with your rights, and the abuse you have been subjected to. They can also advise you about the property issues. Make the call.

Also, not all states recognize Common Law. Minesota (my state) does not.

He's a bum, and as long as you continue to "serve" him, he will treat you accordingly. You deserve better.

Stop drinking.

As I read your posting, I was so frightened for you when you described his reaction to the breakfast. That is reason for a call to the local police. You would be amazed at how "sweet" Abusers can be when confronted by a police officer. Put some teeth into your thinking, and don't let him do that to you again. Leave the house at "breakfast time," if you need to.

He is abusing you so don't allow it. Take a stand and get legal advice. Also, speak to a professional who knows how to deal with abuse - not all therapists specialize it it.

Stay strong. Marie

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like a servant too sometimes. And the driving thing... he says im stupid cuz I wont remember how to get places ( he lives out of town) everything just get backwards sometimes and a big city at that. But im not sure how to help you because I haven't figured out how to help myself.... but just know your not alone in this. Sorry you have to go through this!