Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

That no one is better than me. Different strengths maybe, but not a better person.

That I am fine just the way I am.

That strength, safety and love can be tenuous things and need to be tended.

That I actually have strength and not just stubborness.

Giving people and chance, and even a 2nd chance, do not equate into letting them run rampant over you. There are limits to tolerance.

I do not always have to be right, but I do have the right to always be heard.

I have learned heaps. When I look back I am amazed at that.

The biggest and best thing I have learned to listen to myself better; to tune into me and to put a lot of weight on that.

There was a time when I didn't listen to me and, if I did, I discounted what I was saying inside.

I used affirmations a lot to get over that as much as I have and I am still working at it. I put the best affirmations in picture frames or taped them up around my home to remind me and I still do that.

When people put me down or talk aggressively at me telling me about me or what I was doing when I did or said something, this still upsets me. But I try to stop and ask myself if what they say is true, rather than thinking I am not ok or getting confused and upset. If what they say is not true, I say that to myself.

The important thing is that I know what is true and discount untruths people tell me about me as if they knew, which they don't and can't.

I do not need to convince them in order for ME to know what is true. And it can be better not to try as that sort of person will probably not give me a fair hearing. I just need to ask myself what to believe.

If I have doubts, I need to go to a trusted and wise source to check, not an abuser. Abusers are not to be believed. They are not on about truth.

I have learned to listen to my head and not my heart (though my heart is talking very loudly today).

That I am a person that has worth.

That I have the right to be heard and say when I feel something is unfair.

That noone has the right to break things, smash things, scream in my face, or chase and pin me down.

I'll have to keep thinking. I'm having a bad day today.

I have learned to take care of me first(which is not selfish) before I take care of anyone else...and that I cannot help anyone that doesnt want to help themselves...

I just wanna say that you all are a great group of people.Age doesn't always equate wisdom,but through our trial,tribulations and life stories we are all a testimony of the human spirit.
There was something that I think has become really important in recent years,that I'd like to share.
I was keeping a hope chest as a teen,it had nice china(a place setting bought at a time with babysitting money)silverware,etc. for when I married.Um...let me warn you,I think this is going to be another of my QUITE LENGTHY ENTRIES,so maybe you better go grab a snack and a drink,lol. Anyway...back to topic...I got married at age 18 to my high school sweetheart and acquired many beautiful things over the years.I took pride in decorating for the seasons and making my house a cozy haven to raise my kids in.I had all sorts of possessions,and yet,as my marraige and family fell apart,I lost more and more things.At first I cried over my destroyed possesions,usually smashed when he was in a drunken rage,then I found that I learned to not care about things like that anymore,as I fled to safety.I basically lost everything from my marraige,except for a small box of photos and a few sentimental items.I was safe,and I was ok.
Then I began to rebuild my life,bought new furnishings,more STUFF and was living with another man...who skirted out with my money,leaving me to be evicted...effectively leaving me,once again,without anything.I can feel for people who have had housefires or natural disasters and escaped with just the clothes on their backs...it's devestating,but I can attest to the fact that EVERYTHING can be replaced.I used to be a packrat and hourded my sentimental belongings around me,but those things were gone,and I still found happiness and a new home,new life...and I actually can see it as a blessing.How many people can get the chance for a do-over?
I'm not saying gather your household stuff in the backyard and have a bonfire,but by uncluttering my life,I actually became more at peace,happier and more content with what I have. I have an adorable apartment now,I moved here after ending a bad relationship in Dec.,I had not one thing to furnish it with,and now I have a very warm,inviting place.I decorated my kitchen with apple items(shelves,hooks,potholders,etc.)that I basically found at resale store and goodwill.It's put together really well,and my kitchen table is actually a small patio table with a lace tablecloth that I bought cheap because the box was damamged and it looks adorable,topped with a ceramic apple pie as a centerpeice.I mention those things,not because I care about my decorating,but because as much as I like it,as nice as it seems...if a fire would take it all away(yet again)I wouldn't lose a minutes sleep...just realize HERE I GO AGAIN!!! My kids pictures,etc. are the thing that hurts me,but I figure I will just have to make the most of them now,when I see them,and make NEW memories.
Whew...sorry for the ramble,but it's just amazing how well a person can actually do with very little.

Thats one of the things that kept me tethered to my ex. I hate to admit it now, but the money made a difference when that was almost the only thing left in the relationship. Eventually I saw it as blood money. My blood - his money. When I finally left I left behind a $600K house, $500K in liquid assets in the bank, 3.2 million in investments and retirement accounts, designer clothes in the closets, a Porshe in the garage. I never asked for a single cent in the divorce. I didn't want it. I just wanted him gone from my life. I swear to all the gods - the stuff doesn't matter. It becomes an albatross around your neck, it keeps you where you have no business being. I had more than one solitary candle lit dinner after I left because I didn't have the money to pay the electric bill but so help me - I was better off.

to be suspicious of people who encourage you to talk about your problems frequently.
That you can't judge people by the way they look.
that working hard is the most important thing and people who don't work for no good reason are not trust worthy.

Queen Val,I think you may be a great inspiration by your story.I applaud your courage and determination and stregnth.
Kitten-I'm curious about why you are suspicious of people who encourage you to discuss your problems?If you'd rather not talk about it,that's fine...but it sounds like there might be a story behind it? I trusted my"best friend"a man I met in a chatroom back in 2000.I was being beat up,emotionally and sexually abused by my husband and I cried on his shoulder for solace.He was an opportunist and was very good at attention to detail.He used every weakness that I had to manipulate me...so I know where you are coming from.There are trustworthy people out there that have no hidden agenda,except to offer support,but I agree that you have to exercise caution.

I learned that its not about what happens to you in life- its what you DO about it that defines you as a person.

I learned who the hell needs a man. LOL