Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is u...
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What to do re his games ?
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I have a long term issue with my husband of 25 years in that he is not a team player and is not into discussions. Trying to get him to talk with me about something turns out just as it does when we try to move furniture together, for example. I get hurt however hard I try to avoid this, eg, by vigilance and dodging looming dangers. He likes to be boss; and he is nasty. If its furniture I get bumpted and crushed - the fingers get it the worst. Verbally he is convoluted and nasty, just as Patricia Evans describes an abuser in her "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". I get messed somehow all the time - my heart gets hurt the most.
This matter has become far more serious over the past few years as I think he is considering retirement and can then access all our assets - just run with me on that one; believe me, it makes sense. He has always controlled the finances and actually has subjected me all along to financial abuse. Now I am worried that he will end our marriage AND take all the money and leave me with nothing. This will put an end to so much in my life, including really basic things like where I can live and work (I work from home). This COULD happen if he is clever enough about it and I do not act before he retires. I would like him to talk about this and have us reach an agreement. Is this hoping for the impossible? As I have no money, there is not a lot I can do. Lately he is overseas and is communicating with me by emails. They don't say much and are absolutely impersonal. I wrote to him and said our sis in law (his brother's sister) rang me and pumped me about what I thought his future plans were. He wrote back (this was today) and said "What do you think my future plans are?". I wrote back and said "We need to talk, but not like that". It's like a cat and mouse saga. What do you think I can and should say and do? Posted on 05/14/08, 09:05 am |
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The trick to that is to have both barrels loaded in the first place. That means hard work in advance of firing. OK, enough of the gun anologies.
This is not a nice man. He does not have your best interest at heart. In fact he isn't interested in you at all. You are his way to have kids and keep the house clean and have meals on the table. This is a good time to practice detaching from him. He's away right now so it won't be as hard as it is with him home. Respond to his emails, but try not to send any first. Answer the phone when he calls, but don't call him first. Of course this is all just not applicable if you two have some other arrangement in place, but it's worth a try. Concentrate on you, your wants/needs/desires. Concentrate on your clients. Concentrate on anything that takes your mind and actions away from him. Start building your self up little bit by little bit. Build your momentum now. It will help you do what you must later on. 
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Good morning queenvalerie and my friends. Thank you very much. It is good to start my day with your kind words. I feel old and so sad but I plan to try to achieve well enough today. well enough is good enough.
I plan to load up on whatever helps today (Monday) when I can fit it in. Shall aim for some phoning around. You have helped hold me up when I've been losing hope and tempted to give up.
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