What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized b...

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HOCD and Marriage
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Hi,
I am in the middle of a very aggressive CBT treatment routine as well as on meds. Nothing seems to work these days. Today, the girl I wanted to marry told me she can't keep waiting for me until i get better. She knows about my HOCD and my ROCD but she is not waiting to hedge her bets on me. I am terrified that I will lose her yet also terrified that I will propose and have an OCD attack (it has already happened once between us). I am so frustrated and confused. I need to move on with my life but this thing is kicking my ass right now... any words of advice would be helpful
Keep fightin
Bnasir
Posted on 07/23/08, 12:07 am
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Reminder: This is a support group for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

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Reply #1 - 07/23/08  2:04am
" It's hard to give advice on relationships, every situation is different. All I know is OCD is a life long disorder so you need someone willing to stick with you for the long haul(through the good and the bad).

Is she just wanting a commitment from you? Or does she expect you to be better now? The former you can do something about the latter you cannot.

One comment: avoidance doesn't help with OCD. If I avoid something in order to not have an OCD attack I find this illness just finds something else anyway. With avoidance, my world becomes smaller and smaller.

I wish you the best.

Bob "
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Reply #2 - 07/23/08  2:07am
" One other comment: CBT is not a quick fix. I kept applying the techniques I learned from UCLA for about 4 years (with my condition improving incrementally over that time) . Then I had about a 12 year stretch where I might have an occasional bout but I was nearly symptom free.

So hang in there and don't get discouraged. Work on it as much as you can day by day. Think of it like building your own pyramid brick by brick. "
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Reply #3 - 07/23/08  8:24am
" I think it's possible that the pressure to just be better may actually make it more difficult to do. I know you don't want to lose her, but just being better isn't something you can promise or set a date for. But what if you set a reasonable goal with your therapist and told her about it and showed her that you are indeed moving forward? I don't think OCD is easy to live with for the one suffering or for the significant other. I feel for you both. Hang in there! "
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Reply #4 - 07/23/08  9:03am
" Like they said before, OCD doesn't just go away. I didn't have spikes for years, and it just hit when I was in the middle of my honeymoon! Aaah! It was nuts. I have now been married for 3 months :-)

But basically, you can think you are "better" and months, even years down the line, you can spike again. It is important to be honest and educate her about the disorder. Most don't understand it, but if you can get her to understand that would be great. "
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