Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a chronic disease which affects the brain and spinal cord. MS can cause a variety of symptoms, including changes in sensation, visual problems, muscle we...
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Overreacting in relationship?
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My fiance' said something to me that I took to be very mean but I don't know if I'm overreacting (have been having side effects - dizzyness, disoriented, bouts of crying - from going off Lexapro and taking a new medication Namenda) or have a valid gripe.
He's never been one to be overly sensitive to my pain with MS nor has he totally accepted or wanted to learn anything about this disease. He believes that I can spirtually overcome this. He has never been mean about it (in the past) and has been supportive and understanding when I'm not feeling well, need to nap, etc. I'm sure it's annoying to people to always have to hear that you don't feel well, are tired or have a pain here or there. But this is the man I'm about to marry and if he can't be there for me when I need him, then what am I doing?? Last night, I was having a problem walking up the stairs and complained that my knees were hurting and not wanting to cooperate when I walk. Later that night, I complained that I was having shooting pains in my right side and told him that I hoped it wasn't an appendicitis. He told me to "grow up". He said "first it was your knees and now pains in your side - you're NOT having an appendicits!". I thought this comment to be very cruel and hypocritical, especially coming from someone who lives in a fantasyworld himself playing World of Warcraft for hours on end. When I think about this and write this, it sounds too trivial a thing for me to worry about since this is my only real complaint in our relationship. But if the man is NOT going to be there when I need him and say cruel things like that, then should I marry him? Posted on 07/30/07, 10:07 pm |
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Yeah that comment would get me irritated too. That he doesn't seem willing to learn about your condition seems like it will be a problem. Have you tried talking to him about these things (his seeming reluctance to know more, the pissy comment, etc)? Sometimes we assume someone knows things about how we feel/what we want and it isn't always that they do. 
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It's good that you didn't react at the time the comment was made. It's almost always better to wait and reflect, just like you do. Since this man will be an intregal part of your future, I'd suggest that you sit down with him and have a serious conversation about MS and your concerns. Perhaps the two of you could speak to a health specialist or counselor so that he gains a better understanding of what MS is and how it affects you. Pre-marital counseling may help you resolve issues like the amt. of time he spends playing his game. I wish both of you the very best! Communication is so important--especially now before you make lifetime commitments to one another. The more you communicate now, the better your marriage will likely be.
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I've tried to get him to understand more about my MS but he refuses. He says that I can overcome this disease myself. We are both very spiritual. I believe positive thinking is a big help but while I'm working on overcoming this illness (and what if I never do??), don't I deserve compassion when needed? He says I complain all the time so now I told him he won't ever have to hear me complain again. I won't tell him when I'm feeling bad. I'll keep it to myself. But why should I have to? Isn't he supposed to be there for me in my time of need? I took off work today after crying about this all night. I told him I needed time to think things through and didn't want to talk to him. So he hasn't tried to contact me. I know I'm probably over reacting, right?
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