Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceivi...
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Thought I would introduce myself
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Hello to all.
My name is Samantha but everyone calls me Sam. I am an alter. The person who was born to this body's name is Christina. Christina has not been out in about 2 years. My therapist and I think she had some sort of nervious break down or something. I still feel her but she is in a very dark place. I am the strongest alter out of us all and am out most of the time. There are at least 20 of us maybe more, but 20 that my therapist has talked to so far. I was physically, sexually, and metally abused sense befor the age of five till will into my teens. There is still so much I do not remember and the others do. Neither I nor my therapist beleave in intagration at least not in the sense that there would only be one of us left. It is ok for some if that is waht you want, but it is not for us and we all agree on that one thing at least. For one, who would be left? Who would have to be gone forever? I nor my other alters think that would be fair at all and my therapist agrees with us. When my therapist and I talk about intagration we think of it like a lot of people on a school bus all working together to have a happier, more productive life. I have been working very hard with my therapist on working together with all of the alters within. At first we all hated eachother and tryed very hard to make eachother misrable. Now there is very few alters that we have that are not willing to at least agree to disagree. I use to be very angry and at everyone including myself. I have also worked very hard to get to the point where I am today. I am a very friendly, outgoing, caring person. I love to talk to people and boy I can talk. I am also a very good listener if someone just needs an ear. We all use to try and hide the fact that we have DID but we don't anymore. I am very open to everyone about the fact that I have DID. As you have probably noticed I am not the best speller (sorry). I have many alters with many diffrent ages, I also have 2 male alters, one of which is gay. I also have a female alter who is gay. Like I said I am very open about my DID. If any of you have any questions for me please do not hesitate to ask. I am always willing to shair things about myself. Anyway I could go on forever, but I did not want to take up too much of your time. Take very good care of you. Sending you all hugs. Hugs, Sam Posted on 06/20/07, 05:06 pm |
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Sam, thanks for introducing yourself. We seem to have a lot in common. I, too, am an alter. I didn't like my name at first so my counselor suggested "Sarah," so now I'm Sarah. BTW, we have a Samantha too, she is 18 years old.
Anyway, Eileen, the one who was born, was tricked (she was trying to save one of the babies, but they lied to her) and taken away and is being tortured. So is one of the child alters, me just me, sigh. I feel so guilty for being here, but have gone on only for the sake of her family. Do you think I'm wrong for using her name on Daily Strength? I'm just so used to "covering" that I didn't even think twice.... Should "I"/"We" put our own names on posts, etc.? I really like your take on your system and that you're open about and all. That's quite something! I also have a couple male alters. One was our worst nightmare. Anyway, I'm in a really bad place. I'm trying to fight, but it's not going well. Just wanted to tell you that I appreciate what you're sharing.... 
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EileenN,
Hello my friend, I would say you should go by what ever name you want to go by and whatever is most comfortable for you. I use to go by Christina just so no one would know that it was me and not her. I have come to terms with how I am and trying to make a life for myself. I have learned the hard way that if you are trying to live someone elses life to make everyone else happy, then you will never be happy yourself. I use to be so misrable all the time. Just trying to live Christina's life. I want a life of my own now and I have come to be ok with that. You should always do what is best for you at the time. If you are more confortalbe by going by her name then do so, but if it would make you happy to go by your own name then I think you should do that. I have always known my name is Samantha, but it is just recently that I have picked a middle name for myself as well. Sarah, is a very nice name infact one of my alter's name is Sarah. She is only 12 though so her and I do not have that much in common, although I think she is very sweet. You take care of yourself and always be true to yourself and always do what is most comfortable for you at the place and time you are in. Sending you hugs. Hugs, Sam
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Sam it is so good to hear from you and read your introduction. We are so glad you are here. I too am a part...I am the main protector of the system. We seem to be the people of few words. Hope we can talk soon. Hugs Shadow
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hi sam-
I am glad you found, and joined this community. It's nice to meet you. I too have a sam (male). I will try to write more, when my head doesn't hurt quite so much. Welcome! -tmr
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Shadow,
Hello my friend, Thank you for the reply to my post. I am not quite sure who is the main protector of our system. But our "Ish" is very helpful. For those of you who have not been intorduced or know about "ish's" yet it is neither male or female and normally comes to you in what silgeltons would call the small still voice they here that tells them what not to do. I was not aware of my Ish untill it talked to my therapist one day. Ish's normally do not make their presents known and that was only the third person with DID that my therapist had ever seen that an Ish accually came out and talked to him. I would not even know what to call them or that I even had one if it was not for my therapist. He has devoted his time to helping people with DID and recearching all he can about DID. Anyway I am talking way too much again. Thanks for the reply. Take very good care of yourself. Sending you hugs. Hugs, Sam
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toomuchreality,
Hello my friend, Thank you so much for the welcome. I only have 2 male alters one's name is Paul and one's name is Mike. Thanks again. Take very good care of yourself. Sending you hugs. Hugs, Sam
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welcome! so glad to see you here!
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HI again-
sam is my only male, I beleive. When I was in search of a new therapist, I went to my sister's to see if she would work for me. This therapist kept insisting on talking to Ish... I kept saying I didn't know who she was talking about! Talk about feeling crazy... She never did explain- I asked my Dr. the next time I saw him. I guess the way I told him about this experience was funny, he seemed humored (No worries though) at the end, I said "So WHO is Ish??" And with a smile he told me ISH is Inner Self Helper -duh. Why didn't the therapist say that? (not really asking you to explain that!) I think your comments are helpful. thank you =)
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I'm an alter, but I run things better than Jewel does. Well, I think so anyway. I ain't leaving, so we're as integrated as it gets here.
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Rebel,
Hello my friend, I don't think anyone should ever have to leave. Even when I was very angry with some of my other alters. I would of never thought of trying to make them leave. This is their body too. I just wanted you to know I agree with you 100% no one should ever be forced to leave. Take very good care of yourself. Sending you hugs. Hugs, Sam
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